BM doesn't respond when I text her the about the schedule!!
My weekend was great ss was w bm .... so just DH DS and myself really nice no one talking back talking to me like im a nobody... well sunday before church i txt bm when and where are we getting ss back...... hour later still nothing so DH steps in for no reason... when are we getting ss back and automatically txt back... so im aggravated bc she saw my txt its not like she didnt see it .... go to church go home and about an hour later she drops him off.... 5 mins later then she wants to txt me for future ref this lady made ss cake and shes not pricey at all.... like wtf dont try and txt me now... seeing as she has ss the weekend after his bday and she waited until the following time she got him to do his bday party ..... but whatever... so then i txt her back and asked her about Easter bc DH knows nothing and never ask for things until way later... so she says well we can switch weekends so the boys (ss and DS) can do Easter Together knowing she doesnt give a damn whether my kid gets to do Easter w his brother... so i then tell her no as long as we get him back by 130 its fine bc i dont like to switch weekends bc then it messes up every other thing we have planned for the year ....
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i dont think that its just my
i dont think that its just my the scheduler i think its bc she is jealous that i have the kid and what she wished at one point her would have been husband... and yeah alot of it is well this is BM and Dh kid but i do all of everything dr appts dentist appts, school (anything w school) ... its just like a blow to the stomach when they both treat me that way bc DH is like well i didnt do anything but in all reality he did he txt her which is what she wanted
Eh, Bm does this to me from
Eh, Bm does this to me from time to time. That's when I just step back and let DH deal with her. She never likes how that turns our. So, she ends up apologizing to me. I prefer doing the scheduling because DH doesn't pay attention to her texts or listen when she calls so he will end up making plans that he didn't intend to.
that is exactly what happens
that is exactly what happens w us like with the Easter thing if he would have said something he would have just went w what she said about changing weekend and well we have a vk planned in july so that would have F us
You're not the parent, so she
You're not the parent, so she doesn't have to respond to you. You'really allowing both parents to dump theit responsibilities on you. Stop doing their job.
There's nothing rude about
There's nothing rude about just communicating with your child's parent. SMs and BMs are not required to deal with one another.
Ofc it's not rude to
Ofc it's not rude to communicate with your child's parent.
But if you have had 1,000,000 communications with SM about child, and beginning with the 1,000,001 you refuse to speak to SM again except about cake, I can see how SM would find it both odd and confusing. And possibly rude, I don't know.
very true but sometimes he
very true but sometimes he says he doesnt want to deal w her so just ask me to do it and im the one that keeps up w everything anyways im the only real responsible one but i think i just may do the stop worrying about it bc im getting to were i dont want to even be in my relationship w dh anymore
my ss lives w us and only
my ss lives w us and only sees BM EOWE
then nothing would ever get
then nothing would ever get done ever... i mean i know im not his "parent" but mom only wants him when its convienent and thats not ok w me bc my dad did that... and DH only wants to do the fun stuff no homework or any of that... like he has to wear a patch to try and correct his vision and i Pay for all of that dh and i are married but have different accts and nothing like that comes from him or her..... ugh sometimes i wonder y i married someone w a kid
Both of them are using you.
Both of them are using you. If you weren't in the picture, they would step up to plate or find someone else to take advantage of.
it just gets to the point
it just gets to the point like what else is there to do bc DH thinks he did nothing wrong in the situation and no its not like he told her not to answer me but he gave her the opportunity to not have to talk to me when i ask a question
i have had this child for 5
i have had this child for 5 years and i do more for this kid more than his mom so yeah i expect her to txt me back when i am trying to get him back... i take him to school. dr appts and anything else he needs to do so yeah dh should have txt in the first place not me but he didnt want to talk to her so i did it and on a normal basis she normally responds
Honestly it doesn't matter
Honestly it doesn't matter how long you have been in the child's life or what you do for the child, you ARE NOT the parent and she does not have to communicate with you. I'm a step-mom and a bio-mom and I would not reply to my kids step-mom if she text me either, it is none of her business, it is between my X and me. I would also not ever text BM, if I needed to know something about the schedule I would ask DH, if he did no know I would have him text her. I totally get that as a SM the schedule affects your life and you should have a say in certain things BUT you are absolutely NOTHING to the BM and she does not ever have to reply to you.
uhm lady I do all the things
uhm lady I do all the things you do and and some but that doesn't mean I have any rights to my stepson. You need to cool your jets. You can't get upset when BM ignores you, I'd ignore you too. Your sense of entitlement is going to get you in a world of trouble with your husband, BM, maybe even a judge if you antagonize her enough then you'll be left with just being frustrated and hurt that you've done all this for them in the first place.
i am also i Bio Mom of one
i am also i Bio Mom of one and if i lost my custody of my child the way she did then i would praise the woman that stood up to the plate to help raise my son... and if i was in the situation she is in then heck yes i would respond i have her son 99% of the time
OK, I find your writing
OK, I find your writing really hard to read so I may have missed something. It seems like *normally* she does communicate with you? And, in fact, she continued communicating with you just after this one incident where she didn't text you back within the hour?
Meh. I get that you're venting, but honestly I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill here. I will say that you need to stop thinking that you're doing HER a favor by handling communication for your DH. She's actually doing YOU the favor in allowing it. Plenty of BM's around here just refuse to communicate with the SM at all. And they have a point - I haven't seen any CO that says BM must confer with SM, only with Dad.
Take a deep breath and let this one go. It's a minor annoyance in the scheme of things!
she only started talking to
she only started talking to me bc she wanted to show me the pictures of ss bday party w her it had nothing to do with anything else and then i just asked about Easter so everyone isnt worrying when and how we are going to get him back its not so much that she doesnt right me back its just that when i txt her and nothing until she drops him off dh txt and automatically she responds... i get she doesnt have to talk to me and that is fine but in her case like i have said I have him 99% of the time what would happen if i didnt txt her back when i had her son
I do understand why, from
I do understand why, from your perspective, you are the one communicating with BM. Why you are the one doing all the school stuff, homework, and dr thing. It's because I you didn't, nobody the heck else would. The kiddo has two crappy parents. It screams out in everything you said and have used to excuse the why you do this and that.
However, listen to yourself. You're the one stressed and frustrated and the one here sounding well, silly. 'BM didn't respond to me', 'BM is just jealous of me', 'DH won't do this or that', 'DH doesn't want to', 'I don't even want a relationship with DH anymore' 'BM is rude'. Meh, maybe I missed one or two. Doesn't matter, your SS still has two crappy parents.
I suppose the kiddo is lucky somebody in his life takes responsibility for him and tries to do the 'parenting'. Problem is, your not the parent. You leave your DH tomorrow and your connection to SS is done. Over. And I doubt these two will give a flying flick if your little one ever sees or has a relationship with his little sibling.
You're the one angry and the one always upset. The parents? Nope. Life is good for them. You take care o it all for them. Oh, well, It's your life. If you want to knock yourself out getting all huffy because a BM won't communication with the SM unless and/or until it suits the BM, that's your problem. Vent. Get angry. Act all the victim and wounded. Insulted even. Whatever.
But bottomline is and will always be, you are nothing to BM and she doesn't have to acknowledge you in any way. None. Deal with it or hand the parenting job back to the parents. You've caused your own problems by inserting yourself into what is not yours to be concerned with and then all butt hurt when BM doesn't thank you for it.
I actually feel kinda sorry for you in a round about way. Doesn't change the fact that it's just a matter of time before cute little SS isn't so cute and cooperative anymore. BM gets tired of your controlling ways and SS becomes your target of all the resentment. *shrugs*
i dont resent my ss at all i
i dont resent my ss at all i love him very much my ss and ds are everything to me....
me and her have talked about
me and her have talked about it before and she says she would rather deal w me bc i know whats going on in school and out and anything else involving sson ... its not that im controlling like some may think i have just had to take over the mother role bc she was not interested in being the mother until when she has a new bf she needs to look good for... and yet i get all the bad rap for doing anything but yet which ever bf she does have gets praised he is such a good guy ect...
Your husband and BM are two
Your husband and BM are two peas in a pod. BM play MOTY when there's a new man in her life. Meanwhile, your husband doesn't even attempt to do his part because he knows that you will do it all.
Is your name listed as a
Is your name listed as a parent? Legally are you required to do anything for this little boy? No. So therefore you do it out of the kindness of your heart and nothing more.
Now if my DH told me "Babe, I can't be bothered finding out what is happening with ssons. Can you text BM for me?" I would tell him as long as he can't be 'bothered' about his sons then neither am I.
This is HIS son, Not yours. And I have NEVER EVER communicated with BM about anything. That is DH job. Your job is to take care of your child and not let harm come to SS when he is in your home. If you choose to run him to appointments and buy his clothes and take him to and from school you do it for the pleasure of doing it and nothing more. Do not expect ANYONE to communicate with you about this little boy. They don't HAVE to.
Actually DH had me dropping his boys off to school as it was on my way. They were later and later at getting ready. DH could be a few minutes late. I couldn't. So Dh had to start taking them again and dropping them off. And he found out what a pain it is getting them out of the house. I didn't care. I got to work on time. He was consistently late (which drives him crazy). I learned a lesson. These kids were not my job. They are his job (all grown and in their 20s now).
And so is your SS your husband's job. Not yours. You are not his parent.
I have a Step son and i also
I have a Step son and i also have a son of my own w dh so i am a parent yes
but how do you disengage from
but how do you disengage from your ss when he lives w you... he lives w us and visits bm eowe... and DH always says well you have a favorite well in a way i do my 2yo needs me more than my 6yo ss does but that doesnt mean i dont take care of him i get them up every morning get them ready, feed them, take them to school ect... and dh does his thing... then in the evening when i get off i pick them up from DC.. cook do homework bath time and dh may or maynot play a video game w ss
bc she has a criminal back
bc she has a criminal back ground including drugs and stealing from her previous jobs....she is very unstable moves alot lives w/ this bf or that one then moves w/ mom they get in fight ect.... and no i have his son even when he is home ... and i do spend time w both kids but my 2 yo will not go to sleep w/o me in the bed w him and really bad habit i know but he got sick one night so i slept w him and its just went from there ... did the same w ss.... its not like i take my son to the park and leave ss at home or anything like that the only time i have alone w my son is when ss is with his mom
but how do you do that if i
but how do you do that if i have been doing this for years (5)and i dont serve my husband i just know he works really hard outside and i work in an office everyday so i try sometimes to make up for that yes i do and i know ss doesnt need a new mom in his life i just want to be a good role model.... i care very deeply for both of the kids ... i came into the relationship knowing he had a son and i was ok w that and loved he had a child.. yesterday was much better DH helped w ss alot i still did normal everyday things for him but we went outside and played in the yard and ss was trying to ride bicycle w/o training wheels yay which he had one of his tantrums and i just walked away... and me and ds went walking in the wagon