Thank you for your response. We live in california so yes its legal. Ive looked into the adoption. Its been since aug. Since he stopped paying child support and child support or us can locate him. He lives a few cities away bt is going through lengths to keep his life hidden. My wife has talked to my kids about adiption and they want to do it as well.

My kids know i am a women. They know my real name they say im a "she" to everyone. They just like having me as their "daddy" i made sure they understood that from jump. When they explain me to their friends its the exact same thing. Its funny how confident they are. Im more uncomfortable then they are but i think thats cause I grew up thinking of gay as different and wrong so even though i am proud of who i am i still am scared of the stigma behind it all. But my kids dont care and make it so everyone has grown very excepting of or situation. Nothing i could have ever imagined has happened.

He's really about image. That's what most of this been about his image to the world. My wife says he would sign probably if no one else knew so he continue to lie that we are just keeping them from him, even though he has court orders preventing us from doing that. But yes, he hasnt ao much as called. We ha e a reatraining order so hes limited to just calls or text about the kids. But the last order the judge stated he needed to give written say atleast 7 days in advance to have visits resume which are now to be supervised at terra firma. Since he stopped showing up to court at all before this. Unless ofcourse about child support that is. I guess aug. He loss his job n asked childsupport to lower it, bt then childsupport said that he never submiytes any paperwork that was required. So yes weve had nothing from him since then. We let the kids go see his mother when she came into town but thats it no one on his side is willing to help or even keeps in contact with these kids though they were involved as middle people during the time we did have visits because he refused to contact us directly.

He's really about image. That's what most of this been about his image to the world. My wife says he would sign probably if no one else knew so he continue to lie that we are just keeping them from him, even though he has court orders preventing us from doing that. But yes, he hasnt ao much as called. We ha e a reatraining order so hes limited to just calls or text about the kids. But the last order the judge stated he needed to give written say atleast 7 days in advance to have visits resume which are now to be supervised at terra firma. Since he stopped showing up to court at all before this. Unless ofcourse about child support that is. I guess aug. He loss his job n asked childsupport to lower it, bt then childsupport said that he never submiytes any paperwork that was required. So yes weve had nothing from him since then. We let the kids go see his mother when she came into town but thats it no one on his side is willing to help or even keeps in contact with these kids though they were involved as middle people during the time we did have visits because he refused to contact us directly.

Thank you yes. Its hard to hear but i know i really just have to be their as i always have been. Thank ypu for your feedback.

Yes. He is a tool. From what we here he's being a great father to his new son though. Which does nothing for these kids. But yea now its about finding him. Its like everyone is like against getting into it since him and my wife grew up together they know all the same people my wife n I moved away from their neighborhood but he still knee deep in it and telling one interesting story to everyone about us making eeveryone want to stay out of it. Most his family wont speak to us or the ones who do answer wont give us anything not even his phone number unless they ask him first. We had to do detective work to serve him to even get him to see the kids and that took months, frankly i don't feel like chasing this deadbeat anymore. But him just having the right to pop up after however long and disrupt these kids for another few months and then disappear again doesn't sit well with me either. Im very over protective over them. Ive already had to put my SD8 in therapy over all this up n down he does to them. My SS6 barely knows him he just thinks he's fun he can barely remember his name or that he's his father. Its my kids i worry bout the most.

I never wanted to be a stepparent said id never date a women with kids for the exact reasons i face now. But I did and I am and personally i agreed when i first became a stepparent i was to just be that. Love them but let the parenting be the real parents reaponsibility. Which was working for the first month or so but the problem most these parents idk dont or do have like i do is that my kids were babies when i came in i raught my son to talk n pee as well as everything else his father was to do. I never stood in the way but their father basically never stepped up. He was never around too. My wife would reach out to him and get no response for days. leaving the whole situation for me to clean up. I was tired at first thought bout leaving my wife at times. Thise kids did nothing to deserve how their father has treated them and he cant be mad he left a mess that i was willing to clean up. I mean if he were dead and i came in and he could never come back would anyone ask me to back off and just be stepparent. Because basically hes like a favorite uncle you see every few months or once a year. Not a dad. But maybe i should just back off? I struggle with it all the time. N wen i do start pulling back my wife and kids notice and feel it n dont want me too. They have said multiple times they want my last name n me to b yheir "realdad," and every time i defend the bio dad and give them a reason to keep hoping knowing i hate him for it all eapecially since before he met me he was disrespecting me. Its alot. If i had time to write it all i would. But he knows his kids call me daddy he onced asked my SD8 to call me something else and she told him she didnt feel comfortable talking bout that and she wouldnt cus i am her daddy n he is her dad. He really became pissed from that but it was the first time my SD8 was honest bout anything she felt to her dad. She tells us her feelings on him n her therapists but no onw can make her tell him cus she scared to lose him even tho he is gone. This was during the times they would visit with him. Now she just wonders why he doesnt love her at all. How do you just back off?

Thank you dtzyblnd for all your great feedback and advice. Yes i hope he stays gone. I do t need to adopt them to kno theyre mines. Never have. Plus dont want no more competition to be his reason for popping back up. I go back and forth knowing how he is with this adoption stuff. Maybe in a few years ill try it again. But your right its being here that counts in the end. Whatever else is just gonna have to happen and be dealt with.

Yea sucky bt true.