Got my feelings hurt... over dinner. This is stupid.
As with most step families, there has been a longstanding issue around food. Most has centered around my SS, who is now 17. He was a notoriously picky eater as a child, and we battled through years of whining, crying, refusing to eat, slinking down in his seat, tantrums, harrrumphs, and signs at the table. In the past two years it has *mostly* gotten better, but on occasion the harrumphing and sighs come out again.
Tonight I made a pan seared chicken stuffed with Brie. The pounded chicken breasts have to be held together with toothpicks. I think I used three in most of the chicken breasts, and one had four toothpicks because it was bigger.
Dinner starts. I tell both of them that there are a few toothpicks in the chicken. (SS has a history of getting a little upset if he doesn't know to expect anything different) People start eating. Almost immediately, what I feel are snide and negative comments start getting made. Six of them, in less than 5 minutes. I counted so I know it was six, but I only recall exactly what five were.
Along the lines of:
Wow these are in there tight.
These are worse than bones!
How MANY did you use????
I think bones would be safer!
What are you trying to do, KILL us?
Now, none of that is horribly noxious in itself, but given the history of chronic food complaints, I had HAD IT. When I counted insult #6 I calmly said "If you two don't stop complaining, I'm going to take your plates and throw them in the trash." (I stand firm that I said it calmly, DH says I said it "pointedly")
So DH starts yelling at me about how it's NOT complaining and they are just having fun blah blah blah how in the WORLD could I see it as complaining? He is YELLING. Not screaming, but raised voice, angry tone YELLING. I say that 6 negative comments certainly meet the criteria of "complaining" to me. SS chimes in that they were just teasing. I tell him that it isn't funny, and when you have to find some meal to make every single night that makes everyone happy, complaints aren't funny.
So DH stands firm that he was just teasing and basically I'm a huge party pooper because HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA doesn't every women on here just LOVE to cook dinner for an hour and then have nasty cracks made about it!!!!!!! (sarcasm)
He stands firm that I had nothing to be mad about, and he would not have yelled if I had not "threatened them". Yes, he said THREATENED THEM.
I'm sorry, but this is just some bullshit. Who treats people like this?
Why is "OMG honey, I'm sorry. We were teasing and I didn't know it would hurt your feelings. I'm sorry." so fucking hard for him????
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I stopped cooking for H's kid
I stopped cooking for H's kid after the pretending to vomit on her plate incident.
And I did scrape her plate into the trash, brought her fixings for a sandwich and told her to eat it in her room. Away the hell from me.
From that day on, unless we had company, H fixed all meals (or we went out to eat) when his kid was with us. I refused to eat with her (again, unless we had company). He fixed her meals and she ate, then I cooked our dinner and he and I ate together.
Your H needs a kick in the nuts for behaving like a goddamn douche-bag towards you. Worse yet, in front of the skids.
What an ass.
We have them all the time,
We have them all the time, with rare weekends off. But for the past 14 years it has been damn near 24/7.
I should have said this
I should have said this started when she was still living with us (EOWE with Uberskank). And continued when H became NCP again.
Yep. His turn to step up and
Yep. His turn to step up and start cooking.
My ex-OH DID finally get this one when I stepped away from the kitchen. I said to him "I will still shop. YOU need to work out your menu plan for when they are here, and YOU will be cooking those nights because I am DONE with them."
At first he was pissy, but I stood firm on this one. He cooked (for EVERYONE) on skid nights. And he hated it. SO hard to find things the little shits would eat
But when Dadddyyyyy cooked even burnt sausages were "the best thing eVER", and "MY FAVOURITE! Dadddyyyy!" from sd14.
Meh, gave me some free time and I did enjoy watching him get annoyed at them when they would get picky, make smart arse remarks (like yours did) etc.
Oh I HATE that game!!! If I
Oh I HATE that game!!!
If I make spaghetti, it's faces and weepy eyes and gagging noises and "OMG I can't eat RED sauce!!!! I HATE IT" SS will actually eat plain noodles with only butter, and make sad eyes at everyone at the table about how much suffering he must endure.
But if his sister makes spaghetti, that little shit will down two bowls slathered in marinara.
My only question is this: Why
My only question is this:
Why is a 17 year old not feeding himself?
Seems like it's time for little poopsie to grow up. I would explain to DH that you are going to do SS a huge favor, and force him to learn to feed himself so he knows how to survive in the big, bad world on his own.
You were attacked by DH because lacking parents are always on the defensive.
You threatened their food,
You threatened their food, not them. The chicken was already dead, so no biggie. Your DH needs to get himself together and create a different reason to yell. This one is laughable.
"Tonight I made a pan seared
"Tonight I made a pan seared chicken stuffed with Brie."
My God, that sounds amazing. Can I come eat the little creep's share?
ETA: If my DH EVER "corrects" something I say to one of his darlings right in front of them, or yells at me for any reason in front of them, his ass will be gone.
OMG He doesn't correct his
OMG
He doesn't correct his snotty child's behaviour but can open his mouth to "correct" you.
Never, ever cook for them ever again.
I know Tog, I know. I am in
I know Tog, I know.
I am in counseling now to try to figure all of this out. And right now DH and I are both equally trapped. I have no notions that he is any happier than I am.
I am reluctant to throw in the towel because I waited till 33 to get married and swore I would never be a divorcee.
I failed to see the huge flapping red flags that were on fire prior to our marriage. I see them now.
This is great, you no longer
This is great, you no longer have to cook.
I would've counted that as
I would've counted that as more complaining and thrown their dinners in the trash (or in a Tupperware container for lunch the next day, because it sounds AMAZING).
Looks like you get a vacay from cooking.
this is why I don't cook much
this is why I don't cook much anymore for SDs. Comments, not eating, DP giving them something else to eat instead (WTH?), etc. Couldn't take it any more.
SD11 only basically eats white carbs. If it's not white carbs it's some kind of chip. No fruit, no veggies. I don't know how she poops.
I will only make about 3 things for SDs. And only if I feel like it. Since DP doesn't want to do the work to help them expand their food choices, then he can cook for them.
End of story.
The only way things can
The only way things can change ( for you, for the better...even if it takes a little time) is to make changes. Its the epitome of insanity to do the same old stuff and expect a different outcome. Your dh acts in this manner because, like with kids, if there are zero consequences then they just continue or get worse.
So you have your skids pretty much ft, by the sounds of it, oh well then even MORE reason for dh to back his wife up who plans and does the grunt work of cooking for HIS kids. Does he have a hole in his head? Its exhausting having to cook for ungrateful recipients and it grinds you down. My own skid would do this, pick, make remarks, look at the plate like it contained a corpse, say he didnt like x this week (when last week it was the second coming) and dh would enable it..."oh hes joking...you are too serious...stop creating an atmosphere (to me)..." and he would allow ss to pick at the meal and then Reward him with dessert. He also would allow ss to refuse to share and he would find it soooo cute and funny when ss, in his haste not to be asked to share, would literally start to choke from ramming food into his mouth he looked like a hamster :jawdrop: :sick:
So I stopped cooking. Did it cause arguments? Sure, but it was worth it to watch karma hit dh square in the head. I also had the choice whether to engage with dh during his attempts to make me lose my temper and manipulate me to re-engage, because after all even though I was the evil party pooping sm when it came to making food, dh didnt want the hassle. He was a hypocrite. Nah he just wanted me to make food and shut up like a good little girl. He had it wrong. *I* am the adult, his wife, his son is the child. No way was he confusing our roles, whereby he treated me like a naughty child and his son his equal. We are long past treating women like commodities. Ifs up to you to walk away when he attempts to argue, bs and suck you back in. Let them throw
any and all nasty accusations they want, because thats them attempting to get you to prove them wrong but you already have. You have nothing to prove, you have done your best but they havent. Time for them to start making amends.