Stepmum to be to 2. My place to rant :)
So I've decided to make my own blog, just my little place to rant on about the skids. They aren't all bad but they do annoy me. They are both boys currently 7 and 10. I think they are spoilt but I am comparing that to my childhood. I have no children of my own yet, however I am getting married in June so they are on the cards. They don't want us to have kids at all, tough luck. They are so needy and people say "they have been through so much" "they are only young" "parents have gone through divorce" Well my parents went through divorce I didn't behave the way they did. I also went through a lot of abuse as a child, however wont go into that. I just think they are poor excuses, they are children. I just hear Daddy Daddy, Dad, daddy dadddddy daddddyyyy DADDDYY all weekend, every weekend. It does my head in. I am not prepared for the negative things of children. I have just had to de nit myself and de worm myself (sound like a dog) all precautionary but the kids had both. I mean! I am 27! I didn't expect this. We have to constantly buy new clothes including school clothes as the BM sends them in crud.
We were made to feel bad about a holiday last year, she even asked us in front of the boys where were we taking them considing we went away. Our first holiday together...so we took them camping for a week (not my thing) she went away with her new partner...2 weeks. And she still hasn't taken the kids. We wouldn't care about that if she wasn't on our case all year. She promises them the world but delievers non of it. Mothers day is coming up in a month to the UK. We have the boys every weekend, so asked her if she wanted them...even if it was for a few hours as last year the boys were upset they didn't see her. What a surprise she said no. What mother doesn't want to see her babies on Mothers day? She has church and her partner is the pastor (she cheated on my DH with this man!)
I feel like I am just cramming all the details into this bit but it is helping me get it off my chest.
I don't have enough time with my partner in my eyes. A few hours in the week nights but that isn't quality time. I just cant wait for our honeymoon, no BM, no Skids it will be brilliant. But I am sure she will have something to say nearer the time.
I would say I cant wait until they are 18 to get the BM out of our lives however she always will be.
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The thing is, I have an
The thing is, I have an amazing relationship with my step parents, they are great amazing parents. They were very much part of my life. And I want to be that for the boys. I won't stop paying for things, they are my skids at the end of the day. And we are a family. They annoy me however I will always provide for them, they are just children at the end of the day. I don't spoil them, however if they need new clothes and I see something in the sale I will buy it. I do go to the gym, I go out at weekends, however weekends are also family time. The boys need to understand we are a family and do things together even if I am not overly happy about the situation or maybe the boys aren't. We are at the end of the day a family.
Regards to mothers day, even though I want the same relationship I have with my step mum, I am not their mum. I will be spending the day with my mum. I wouldn't feel comfortable the boys doing that and then plastering it all over social media (the fact she is blocked from all social media sites there isn't much point)I am not like that. If the boys decided in 5 years to make me a mothers day card that would be amazing. But there is no way I am staging something so she gets jealous...I am not low or pathetic, she doesn't want them...that is on her not me.
And why would you say don't get married? my partner is the love of my life with baggage that's all. It is manageable baggage. Annoying but I can still deal with it, this is my outlet for some of the annoyance I feel towards them. My mum has been happily married to my step dad for 19 years. And my dad to my step mum for 21 years. Step families do work. And it is about the adults in those relationships to make it better, it is no way on the children.
Why would you not have sexy time when the skids are in the house?
When I have kids that isn't going to stop so why should it stop when skids are there?
The only advice I have for
The only advice I have for you is to push your SO not to give in to BMs guilt trips. Yours is the only womanly opinion he should be concerned with. I would be very upset personally if my DH let skid's BM decide how he and I spend our hard earned vacation together. I feel for you, best of luck!
Thanks, he does try his best,
Thanks, he does try his best, and he has got a lot better with dealing with her. He doesn't answer he calls unless its very important about the kids health or schooling now. And if the boys call from her phone they will text to say its them. So he has the situation under control at the moment. It was bad but he realised and put a stop to her. She hated when we brought up she went away but didn't take the boys. Hated us saying that, saying her relationship with said man wasn't as good as mine and my partner...which I thought was quite funny (I did feel for her in a way, only slightly lol)
The weekly update. I didn't
The weekly update. I didn't see the skids much this weekend, we only had them from Saturday evening until Monday morning. I was at my dads until late Saturday. SS10 gave us his phone to charge, as the ipad charger lives in our room...I used the Ipad every morning on our Cross trainer. So need it charged. Being the type of sneaky person I am...I read the SS10 phone. My own fault. I saw something I didn't want to. The SS10 text at 22:45 on Saturday...about 20 mins after I came home. He text the BM saying:
I need to go to the toilet but Michaela (spelt wrong! lol I laughed) will shout at me if I go downstairs.
No response
Mummy, are you there?
No response
Mummy, I need you.
No response
You said if I ever needed you, you would be there
No response
Mummy...
I need your help....
He came down stairs about 5 mins after that was sent, I said when he came down (mind you I don't know about these texts) "hey dude, you ok?" and he was fine and said yeh, just going to the toilet...
She text him back at 11:55...(cant believe she did at that time)
"You must go downstairs, you must never feel scared to go to the toilet, I will speak to them if you go down"
To give a bit of background...
SS10 went to bed a few weeks ago after brushing his teeth. 20 mins later he comes downstairs...as I am walking upstairs, I say "what are you doing out of bed this time" (It is a regular thing) he said I need a wee...so I said "you have only just been in the toilet brushing your teeth...hurry up as its past your bed time" I don't shout however I can be stern...
I raised this with my partner...he has spoken to SS10 and included SS7 in the convo...we have realised SS10 lies to BM about what happens at our house. So he asked SS10 if I shout...SS10 said I didn't so he said why do you tell mummy we both shout at you...
I have to remember he is a child however he is a clever child who knows what he is doing. Irritating me...however he won't know how much he annoys me...I will just continue to care , be nice, cook dinner, wash clothes, help with homework and discipline them, as that in my eyes is what parents should do...and a Step PARENT is still a parent. I just haven't had the time to get used to them and how annoying children can be }:)
I totally agree. I am not a
I totally agree. I am not a slave. At meal times I make suitable kid food (I am on a diet for my wedding, so it is low calorie food but still tasty
) I have always said, I am not a café...I don't make food 2 or 3 times. We sit as a family end of.
I will care for them, that is my human nature...being nice...(kill them with kindness }:) )
Wash clothes...my rule is...put it in the wash...and it will be washed...leave it on the floor...or whatever it will remain dirty. I am not a skivvy.
Help with homework...I enjoy sitting with them and them reading or asking for help. I enjoy that as a step parent so will continue to do so. The skids benefit as their BM doesn't do F all for them. I wont let them suffer at school because of that, I do care and want them to do the best they can.
DH works very hard. Super hard not saying I don't, however that is how our household works. I come home after work cook dinner and do the washing. And if the skids washing is there...it will be done (same as my DH!!)...but I am not hunting for it! Damn right!
Only last night I dumped their clean clothes in the mouth of their room...and my DHs at the end of his wardrobe. I have limits...I will wash lol just not put away or iron ha ha.
Slight sweet mini victory. We
Slight sweet mini victory. We don't have the skids until Friday night (however MiL is looking after them as its my birthday! ha) My partner came downstairs last night and went mental. Warning swear words
"Fuck sake, I am so annoyed they have fucking mud all over their room, it is a complete mess and all the clothes that I asked to put in the wash are just there, all over the room, I have had enough of them"...
My face. :O
"I am going to make them clean their rooms when we get back on Saturday...No xbox, no games, no TV. That room is being tidied and they are going to hoover it, I cant believe how disrespectful they are!"
HAAAAAA
I just said, maybe say the word "Banned" with the xbox...as they won't take you seriously. He agreed. So I am going to say maybe remove the xbox...so they have to earn it back. See how that one goes down. But a moral victory for evil stepmum. Lol }:)
Ha ha Oh I know. Lol I will
Ha ha Oh I know. Lol I will update you at the weekend. He is soft but if the kids disrespect something...he has asked that is when he does stick to his guns...However I am just doing some light stretches hoping to leap around the toilet in secret for my victory dance! ha ha
Well I guess it is valentines
Well I guess it is valentines day tomorrow
Might have to treat the DH if he sticks to his guns lol...he might do it more often then ha ha ha }:)
Oh not tomorrow...my birthday
Oh not tomorrow...my birthday is tomorrow ha ha, it is Saturday.
Surprisingly good weekend
Surprisingly good weekend with the skids. We all went to Camden on Saturday, the in laws and skids. They were all normal and ok and was an enjoyable day. Even went for dinner and totally normal. Sunday was normal, they went and played football then went to my parents for dinner. NO DRAMA!!! Even the xbox was taken away and only given back last night...they didn't play it either. GREAT WEEKEND even the skids were nice!!
However the BM was a tw*t. The agreement is she drops the skids off at 6:30pm on the Friday or Saturday. We drop to her house at 7:30. My partner had to leave at 6am this morning to get a flight. So I said I will drop, I leave the house just after 7:30. Dropped them off... she isn't in. the skids were knocking, calling through the letter box...nothing. I had to call her...said where are you....ive been here 10 mins. No sorry nothing she said she was just round the corner. Idiot. Just an idiot!!! 25 mins late. USELESS.