I'm really curious about all the responses you'll get, this is such an interesting query.

I remember that I tried to be 'perfect' to get my parents' attention. I was on the honour roll, one year I won all but 3 of the sports activities for girls my age, etc etc. But they kept telling me grades weren't important, that being a 'winner' wasn't important, that kind of thing. It really had an effect on me - I am naturally ambitious and smart, so I tend to work hard and succeed. But I think that no matter what I do, it isn't good enough. There's more to it, ofc, but that's the gist.

Recently, like in the last year or so, I asked my mom about why she'd tell me grades didn't matter. She told me that she just didn't want to pressure me. Same with sports. It was her way of giving me space. (Wow, did that not go as planned!)

What I'm doing now, with my kid - only 1 year old, so teenage years are far away - is helping her take pride in her accomplishments. When she obviously tries to do something and finally succeeds, I stop and clap for her and say "yay!" It's so funny because she really is ready to keep going onto the next thing, but I think it's so important to help her succeed and to take pride in her success. But now when she does something she's worked at, she claps for herself. Closing doors and drawers, putting things in the garbage, sitting on her chair, getting onto her walking-car-thing (whatever it's called). So cute.

Anyway, I guess my point is... look a little at your kid and his/her basic personality. Look a little at the circumstances - peers, home life, etc. And look at little at what you want/don't want to encourage. And seek a balance.

And good luck! I'm sure your kid will turn out happy, with a loving and involved parent trying to find a good answer for the long term!

Just a caution about gifted programs. Investigate the pros and cons. I know most parents would jump on it. I've known of kids who burn out in gifted programs and have issues in the later grades or high school. My daughter a full grade level to two grade levels ahead for years and tested in the gifted range, from kindergarten to third. She was often bored in school., she is in 6th, she's very bright and scores very well on standardized testing but not in the gifted range.

Her first grade teacher discouraged me from putting her in the gifted program. She is one of those rare teachers who goes way above and beyond, so I took her advice to heart. The issues are that she pointed out, a lot of "gifted" kids are bright but not genuinely "gifted" as it appears early on. They end up struggling and burning out in later years in a gifted program. There is also social/emotional development to consider, as well as academic development. Sometimes those can suffer at the expense of academics.

But of course, gifted programs are right for some kids.