What is the etiquette on communication when Skids are sick?
Do your Bm's text/call when skids are sick? I'm not talking major things, I mean like, skid has a cough & fever. If they do, do your Dh's respond? If so, what do they say? Is there a need?
Bm text yesterday that Ss was sick and had a fever. Dh thought about it a while and decided not to text back, because he just figured "what for?" Ss wasn't in the ER or anything, he was at home and had a cold. Should he have texted her back? We were all sick over the weekend so Dh felt like this is the reason she text because of course she wants to place blame on our home. I have no doubt about it that Ss got sick at our home however we weren't sick when he was picked up so there really wasn't anything that could be done.
Thoughts?
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Thank you Miss Kay for the
Thank you Miss Kay for the input. I appreciate it. Dh asked me if I thought he should respond and I didn't really know what to say.
Initially my first thought was that she was texting him to see if he would respond to her because suddenly since getting the motion for court Bm wants to text everything, where as before she would call screaming at DH that he better take her calls or she would take him to court and have a judge force him to answer her phone calls. But then I thought maybe she really wanted him to know. OVerall though, I didn't really know what to tell him because I really wasn't sure if he should have responded.
I see. I will keep that in
I see. I will keep that in mind. In the future, I think Dh should probably just respond with an "ok" or "thanks for letting me know."
Oh yeah, I completely agree.
Oh yeah, I completely agree. Bm has a history of blaming everything on our HH though. She's that Bm that blames all her short comings in life on Dh. It's stupid.
My exH and I have 50/50 right
My exH and I have 50/50 right down the middle parenting which proved difficult to get. The court wanted us to decide who would have at least residential custody but they didn't force us. It is written down that if we disagree on anything regarding school districts, religion, medical in the future, we would be responsible to hire mediators and pay for them out of pocket to help us come to a decision. We have never needed to use that.
The reason I tell you is because I feel my exH is just as responsible for my children as I am. He's a good Dad and neither of us should have more say in anything than the other. Also if my kid is sick, I expect to hear about it. If they are sick at my house, I let their father know about it because they are our children. I want to know everything about my children and their father does as well. And I respect that. If he doesn't write back, it doesn't bother me but I am courteous enough to say 'Thanks for the heads up' and he usually does the same. We give BM the same courtesy when she reports on SDs.
I used a guideline for
I used a guideline for communicating with my XH. After about a year he started using the same guideline for me and it worked well.
Low grade fever that required the kid stay home from school for a single day? Nope.
Ear ache from swimming? Nope.
Bump or scratch? Nope.
Loose tooth/ lost a tooth? Nope.
Good grades on report cards? Nope, (the kids can brag to him)
If the kid was sick enough to take to the doctor/ER, I would notify him.
Bad grades on a report card? Yes, so we could coordinate corrective action.
Now on exchange day I would tell him "Hey I kept the boy home from school on Tuesday, he had a bug." But if the kid was not sick enough to see a doctor I saw no need to interupt his father at work/ piss off his SM by calling after work to tell him esp when there is nothing dad could do to make the kid better anyway.
This is a good guideline,
This is a good guideline, thank you for posting this. I'll share it with Dh.
Meh, I don't think the BM did
Meh, I don't think the BM did anything wrong, and I don't think a response was necessary. I wouldn't read into it either - she did NOT say this was your DH's fault, she didn't even imply it. If that's what he heard, then that's his own guilty conscience talking, it's not on BM. (And he shouldn't feel guilty - people get sick, it's life. *shrug*)
Our BM would usually text DH if the skids were sick. If they needed to see a doc or go to the ER, she'd call and tell him in person instead of text.
Since she would bring them to the ER for a simple headache, this happened a lot. It used to piss me off that she was such a drama queen about colds and headaches, but not that she let DH know what was going on.
I don't think she did
I don't think she did anything wrong either. Dh just wasn't sure if he should respond or not. He's trying to keep communication limited because of how abusive Bm can be. In the past when Bm would text him this type of thing he would respond and then it would turn into her telling him that he should go see Ss and if he didn't she would go off on him about how he should want to see his son if he's sick and he's a horrible father. As far as feeling guilty, he probably does because he knows Ss got sick at our home however that's not why he thought what he did. Whenever Ss has gotten sick or anything Bm likes to call and tell Dh it's his fault or Dd's fault that Ss is sick. I guess he just assumed because of the history ya know?
Yep, that's Bm too... well it used to be. Now that there is a co-pay she has really scaled back on the ER visits. I'm the same, the unnecessary drama irritates me, not the contact.
Dh and bm text all this info.
Dh and bm text all this info. DH wants to know. That's fine with me. They typically give each other the courtesy of a response. There are some gaps and misfires but, heck, that's why they're divorced.
We hear about every. Little.
We hear about every. Little. Thing. Every cough is pneumonia, every itchy eye is pink eye. Everything warrants a huge discussion and numerous dr. visits to just be nothing. It's exhausting. If we don't responds she keeps texting and texting and eventually turns to the we don't care about them argument.
Do we have the same Bm? The
Do we have the same Bm? The last thing was she rushed Ss to the Er because he couldn't poop and demanded a CT. Only to find out he was suffering from constipation due to a poor diet. Now that Ss is on Dh's insurance she has def pulled back on the ER visits because she doesn't want to pay the co-pay. I only say that because she made a huge deal of the 25.00 co-pays when Dh gave the insurance card and how sh*tty Dh was because he couldn't provide Ss with better insurance. I'm sure Dh's lack of response was a true sign that Dh doesn't care. I'm sure if there wasn't a court date set at the end of this month that she would have called him flying off the handle BUT thankfully there is so she's been quiet for the most part.
We generally let each other
We generally let each other know if the kids are sick with a fever or if they are actually down for the count. Not so much if they have a headache, or upset tummy unless there is fever and/or vomiting. But we have 2/2/3 schedule, so usually it effects the other parent. We most definitely tell each other when kids stay home from school sick.
We mostly keep each other informed because the kids have such busy schedules, requires a lot of taxi cabbing on my part, even if it is their other parents day. I need to know if they aren't going to practices or games... etc etc.
Well aren't you so lucky
Well aren't you so lucky Stacey?! lol. jk.
Bm has piped down a lot since her and Dh's last altercation where Bm flew off the handle in front of her boyfriend and Ss. Since then she's kept everything to text message. It's actually a little eerie not hearing from her so much because before she was calling multple times a week. Dh wouldn't answer but it didn't stop the calls. When dh would ask her to keep it to text and only emergencies she'd freak out.
When BM1 or BM2 texts
When BM1 or BM2 texts something like that, SO usually responds something like "Thanks for letting me know, hope they feel better soon" And he will be sure to ask how they are feeling when he next talks to skid.
It all depends on relationship with BM though
... Wow. That's insane!
... Wow. That's insane!
unless they child is very
unless they child is very sick, as in needs hospitalization or a trip to the er, I don't think the parent needs to contact the other. In our case, DH has returned skid to BM after the visit and said, "He has had a bit of a cough. I gave him some of X medicine last night so he could sleep. He hasn't had any medicine today." That's the extent. He doesn't feel the need to text or call her (ever if he can avoid it)