cute little girls
Yesterday I heard my girlfriends daughters spiting on each other, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the oldest spitting right in her little sisters face. I was floored, never seen kids act this way before. I got them pizza because their mama wanted some also but told them not to touch it. after talking to their mom about what they did ( i was in the shower) she gave them the pizza which really pissed my off sue to them smiling at me like in a smart ass type way. then the youngest ate only the cheese off the pizza and the older one starting complaining about it having cheese on it. They ruined the pizza and I got none. My girl giving them the pizza pissed my off even worse.
I love my girlfriend so much, she is my best friend, but we are very different in parenting. I have two awesome little boys, always good grades they excel in sports and very easy to be around. Most importantly they listen. I never have to correct them and are very thoughtful, means they will pick up something and take it to the trash can. They shower, get dressed and brush teeth without being told. It was work but I thought them this, once they learned it their moms got outta the way and let those boys grow up. I feel her kids are exact opposite. They still bath together and mama has to go yell at them every 5 minutes for doing stupid things. I just moved in with her a few months ago, It's been crazy. Just now got them to get off our bed and not hang out in our bedroom. That took a lot of fighting but mama has agreed and stays strong with it. Just the other day one wanted to lay in our bed and she said no a few times until she ran off mad about it.
I'm not their step dad yet, I want to be but not sure about bringing my kids around them. I know if they bring this crap home my kids moms will not let them come back. I'm in this 100% with my girl, I love her llike I've never loved before in my life but I can't let this kids of hers ruin our life. I'm scared they'll be 100% out of control by 15 and we'll end up with a baby to take care of. I need help in convincing the mama to grow these young women into adults instead of babies.
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It's no fantasy, it's called
It's no fantasy, it's called home training. Maybe my kids will have better results than me
" I never have to correct
" I never have to correct them and are very thoughtful, means they will pick up something and take it to the trash can." Sorry I don't believe it for a second! All kids need to be corrected or your wearing rose colored glasses.
I agree with fightincrazytrain.
Believe or not. I did the
Believe or not. I did the correcting thing to my kids years ago. Now I dont have too
How old are these kids?
How old are these kids?
4 and 10
4 and 10
And yeah I've thought about
And yeah I've thought about giving up on them but who does that? I'm all in with my girl so I'm staying with her thru thick and thin. I'm just trying to get a opinion on how to handle kids that have never been handled before. I don't do the cussing yelling or whooping crap, never have never will.
I'm trying to be more passive
I'm trying to be more passive about it but we did agree that they would start picking up their own mess in the house except their room, If they want to live in junk with crap all over the floor so be it but i don't.
Today I planned on taking them swimming, but they have done nothing all day but eat and watch tv, not even dressed or brushed their teeth or hair. So no swimming for them. I'm not going to say one thing about the way the living room looks.
Kids are kids, I love kids these girls are very special to me, I'm trying to love them just like I love my boys but it's hard because I can't mold them the way i should, that be over stepping my boundaries and besides I'm suppose to be the fun one lol. It's not at all the kids fault and I'm not mad at them, it's the way they have been raised. I need to somehow get these kids just a little more home training so mine are not all freaked out when they come visit.
Is your GF's ex involved in
Is your GF's ex involved in his daughter's lives? If GF is on board with making this blended family work then YES, she can change. Correct that one shouldn't try to change who another person is but this isn't necessarily changing who your GF may be as a person but rather she just needs the skills to become a better parent. In your conversations with her does this subject ever come up?
BTW, I believe you when you say your boys are well behaved. I don't know why some people find it so hard to believe that kids CAN be taught to act like civilized little people. Yes, they're still kids and parenting is 24/7 and I'm sure your boys and you are still learning so there'll be endless times to be teaching and correcting but that's all part of parenting.
^^^^^Exactly^^^^^^ Yes
^^^^^Exactly^^^^^^
Yes barely. He makes no effort in seeing them. He has 6 other kids so yeah he's broke with child support can't afford gas to pick them up and my GF gives her support money back to them, which is weird! He is married and his wife is more the parent their but my GF takes them and picks them up mostly every other weekend. I go msot of the time, It's awkward but I'm cool for a short visit while we drop of or pick up the girls. I've told her I don't want to be all hanging out and stuff and she understands.I get the feeling their only using her to get that child support back. But I keep that to myself, I do however like how they co-parent or at lease get along.
It's very possible, but a lot of work. It's so easier to clean up their mess then to teach them to clean it but I love my kids very much and think my 1# job as a dad is to teach no matter how long it takes. It's my way of showing them love. I 6 year old can now shower alone, tie his shoes, was 1# player on his teeball team plus made honer roll because daddy gives a crap and will give up his weekend or afternoons to throw the ball or learn spelling words.
My gf however lol thinks that sticky floors is a signs of happy kids and it's ok or a 10&6 year old to still take baths together like babies. She is somehow stuck on them like they are 1 still and can't see the joy of grown kids. I long for the day my son gets married or goes off the college and no I'm not ready to be a papaw but this is life and pray this happens.
You handle kids that have
You handle kids that have "never been handled" by getting your gf to take some parenting classes and handle her kids. You trying to step in and do it is going to make the girls resent you. Mom needs to step up and do it and have you back her up, not have you take over the kids, particularly if they have a father still around.
But if she sees nothing wrong with the way her kids have been raised to this point and doesn't have a problem with how they behave you're going to be fighting a losing battle.
agreed! I've told my gf i'm
agreed!
I've told my gf i'm not going to be the bad guy here but I'm also not going to live in a trashed out house. My biggest concern is these kids at age 15. I love this woman and I'm all in not going anywhere even if these girls don't grow up ever. I love her so much that I'll try and try hard without stepping on toes to teach them. We all know what happens when 16 year olds get pregnant, those girls don't deserve it also
I'm sorry...I can't get past
I'm sorry...I can't get past the whole thing about a 4 and 10 year old NEVER having to be corrected!!! I wish to visit this fantasy land one day!!
No my boys are 6&12 about to
No my boys are 6&12 about to have birthdays this month. Not sure if i typed it wrong or what. Trying not to let my gf see this. and I'm only reaching out for help but anyways why I've broke my foot off in both my kids a$$ plenty of times so much that the younger knew not to do stupid crap by watching his older brother. Never whooped ether one but yeah I put that fear of God in them quick, just like my dad did me. Now That they are 6&12 i never have to tell them anything. They know what I expect, it's all little things nothing crazy but they do it. Why is that so hard to believe?
Wow... I would have never
Wow... I would have never been allowed to do such thing.
even less getting pizza out of it!
Ok...I see that your kids are
Ok...I see that your kids are 7 and 13. Her kids are 4 and 10.
You need to date and not live together. To much going on here. Main thing I see is that you are as blind about your kids as she is about hers.
It is absurd to think that you NEVER have to correct your kids. I mean really? Who on earth would believe that? And if you really do NOT have to correct your kids, then you let them get away with a lot of crap.
Does their mother realize
Does their mother realize what little monsters they are or does she think they are little angels? We talk about Disney Land Dads a lot on this forum but Moms can do the same thing. If she realizes that they need to change then you guys need to present a united front... the rules would then be the same for all kids and the punishment the same. And she has to stay strong and not back down about it.
She knows
She knows
I still don’t know why so
I still don’t know why so many think it’s impossible to have kids who never need correcting. Kids are learning all the time but I’ve seen many well behaved kids that only need to be taught the correct behavior once and they follow as directed. There may be actions or behaviors that come up along the way that haven’t presented previously but for many kids it only takes once or a few times to correct them and then they know what is expected of them.
Now granted the OP probably hasn’t hit the more difficult teen years but even with that, one of my pet peeves is when someone will make the statement that a teen is “acting like a typical teen” when they're acting like jerks. I raised 4 kids through the teen years and they knew what was expected of them and I can honestly say that I never had any of them act disrespectful at any time. It really isn’t IMPOSSIBLE.
I believe you do mean that
I believe you do mean that respectfully as I've never known you to be any other way.
I may just be too sheltered (we were very sheltered as kids) even still at my age but I grew up in a very large family of 16. It may be atypical but most of my nephews and nieces are just as much. I know my parents were very strict but still loving and most of my siblings, despite the ol' "I don't want to be my mom" when I'm a mom 'saying', most of us have gone that way still. I don't know if it's what we're used to or as in my case, it's what I've discovered has worked?
Agree with others. If you
Agree with others. If you think your kids are perfect then you're as blind as your GF is. And your whole vibe ("I'm a better parent than she is, just look at my perfect kids! How can I make her do things my way instead of how she wants to do them?") is incredibly off putting. I 100% guarantee that if you don't check that attitude you and GF are going to have a lot of problems and likely will not stay together.
If GF wants advice that's one thing, but otherwise your only hope is disengaging from the kids. They are not your kids. Not your responsibility. Not your problem.
What is any different from
What is any different from the mom's on here who will write about their kids being wonderful but their DH being a Disney dad and the skids are horrible? I don't think he has an attitude about it but rather he sincerely wishes his GF would take the time to actually parent her kids. It probably doesn't even need to be the same way HE parents...he just wants her to parent them.
There may be actions or
There may be actions or behaviors that come up along the way that haven’t presented previously but for many kids it only takes once or a few times to correct them and then they know what is expected of them.
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I totally agree. BUT this poster said he NEVER has to correct a 7 and 13 year old. So he is saying that his 7 year old knows it ALL and NEVER has to be corrected. That is some spectacular kid there.
I hear what you're saying.
I hear what you're saying. Using the words NEVER and ALWAYS should be outlawed because very seldom can either of those words truthfully apply.