WTF is it with BM's who can't deal with their own kids
OH has just called me.
SD14 just rang him, hysterical begging him to come and get them because BM has gone off her trolley at them and told them to get the fuck out of her house.
He could here her screaming at them in the background.
So now he is on his way to get them,
And I feel like such a bitch because all I can think about is NOOOOOOOOO I don't want them here, I don't want MY peaceful night interrupted with more of their BS, drama and crap. All three of them I wish them in hell right now.
And I hate myself for feeling that way, but it is what it is.
No matter what shit my kids have pulled (and although OH will say the kids are blameless I have no doubt whatsoever that they have done SOMETHING to cause BM to melt down like this) I digress, no matter what they have done I have never lost it and told them to GTF out, I have lost my trolley on them sure, but always dealt with it at home.
WTF is wrong with this woman that she can't do the same, they are her fucking kids. You don't scream at a 14 and 11 year old to get the fuck out of your house. You just don't.
And they wonder why their kids are fucked up.
And I do feel sorry for the little bastards.
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We had this issue last summer
We had this issue last summer with OSS. "I want to live with mom, mom wants me, mom loves me, there's more to do at mom's house, mom says it's not fair she doesn't see me more" BM walked out on him at age four and DH was awarded custody because she is unstable...both mentally and to provide for the kids. DH talked and we said "Okay...you want to live with mom, we will call her and she can come get you. But the perks and extras that come with living here will not go with (ie- cell phone)" DH and I discussed that if he is going to live with BM then we will also not "cover her" with the half of extra curriculars she is supposed to pay for but doesn't so we do so the kids can participate. If she doesn't pay, he doesn't play. That lasted about a month. Agreed to let DH go and pick the kid up and bring him home, but a conversation was had that that was his one and only chance. If he chose to leave again, he would not come back. There will be no bouncing back and forth. Period.
Course since then enough has occurred that I kick myself for telling DH go and get him and bring him back...should have let the little shit stay with his BM. Oh well...live and learn. I can only hope he pulls the "I'm going to live with Mom" thing again...because then it will be done.
I've lost count of how many
I've lost count of how many times one of the skids, usually YSD, has called DH hysterically crying because 'BM told me she doesn't love me', usually because of homework related fights, or food, or something equally stupid. Yes, the skids have MAJOR issues when it comes to doing their homework, and eating, but, I've never flipped out on them, and I'm not even the one who failed to instill better habits in them earlier on in life. How you could say that to your 8-9 year old kids is beyond me.
I've been majorly pissed at
I've been majorly pissed at my DS before but I have NEVER told him I don't love him!
Yep same here. I have went
Yep same here. I have went off my rocker but NEVER would tell him I didnt love him. NEVER would that even cross my mind as something to say. Very sad for a child to hear their parent say that.
Ugh. Sorry you have to deal
Ugh. Sorry you have to deal with this. You are definitely NOT a bitch for not wanting them and their drama right now.
We returned from an 8 night vacation Saturday. BM picked skids up and within 2 hours was threatening to return them to us because they were acting like idiots. DH told her "Well if you want to act like mother of the year you actually need to be a MOTHER and deal with your kids."
It's got to be hard for these men to know that they reproduced with losers like that.
Oh yeah, I knew they had done
Oh yeah, I knew they had done something to earn her anger (not quite so sure on earning the "get the fuck out of my house" line, but I was positive her anger at them was justified..... and also that OH would try to downplay whatever it was they had done to enrage her this time...
Apparently she is pretty sick, on the verge of pneumonia, and has been asking them for days to help out a bit. Asking, then telling, then yelling and finally today's meltdown.
And what does wonder-daddy do? Does he ask his kids WHY is mum angry, what has happened. Then hear the story and like a GOOD parent tell them off soundly, tell them to apologize to their mother and get to fixing what ever she wanted them to be doing?
No. He rushes over there, swoops in to rescue the snowflakes because they are traumatized from BM yelling at them (OK yes, what she said was too far even in my book although I have to admit I would LOVE to yell that at them) So, they come back here, and get daddy to fawn all over them instead of owning their bad behaviour, and helping their sick mother.
And what do *I* get? Well let me tell you.
He walks in with them. They go upstairs, he goes to our room, looks haggard (the man has been up since 4.15am, walked in at 7.30pm) I ask what the story is, nicely, with concern. I get attitude, waffling, talking around the subject, when I ask for a straight answer (not in those words) he gets shitty at me, because "their HIS kids, he is responsible of course he's going to go and get them when they are upset.
All sorts of crap - I pretty much said not to take his anger out on me as at this point I was the only blameless person in the situation, and that considering it was affecting my household as well I had the right to ask what went on and get straight answers.
He got shittier, starts having a go at me, I told him again to take his anger elsewhere as I was not putting up with that. I wanted to know what had happened, and did BM know they were here, and what the plan was to take them home again?
He waffled more. And of course as their PARENT he could be trusted to make sure their mother knew where they were etc, I had no right to ask him blah blah blah, and that when he picked them up he didn't even know if they were planning to spend the night....
HOLD IT, BACK UP THEIR BUDDY... WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW IF *THEY* ARE PLANNING TO SPEND THE NIGHT????? Like these decisions are up to them?
He said "well I would have told them no, or just taken tomorrow off work to hang with them or whatever...."
I just stared at him like he had lost his tiny mind.
I had to go pick up dd11 from dancing, I was pretty pissed at him when I left, he texted me on the way to say "I am sorry, I did not deal with that very well!"
Ya think????? Oh well, at least he recognizes it.
Yes, this was disjointed, I left out a lot, but basically he made excuses for them, blamed her, blamed me, blamed himself, and rescued the little brats instead of taking them to task.
And he wonders why they have issues.
FML
Oh, and if they move in here he can buy me out because no way no chance no how am I living full time with them.
Ring, ring. Hi BioMom, it's
Ring, ring. Hi BioMom, it's luchay or luchay's DH calling. Got the kids. Now what was it that you wanted them to do? Please give me a detailed list. A, B, C? Ok. Got it.
Hey, kids. #1 Don't ever speak to your mother like that again. #2 You guys are going to have lots of fun over here doing A, B, C at our house. Twice a day. Until your mother is well. Then you're going to go home to your mother and apologize. And right now you're going to apologize to me and to luchay for causing this mess. Oh, and the first one of you to whine or argue about this is going to earn the privilege of doing A, B, and C three times a day. I'm sure you can do the math on the rest of this formula, right?
I always wonder where kids
I always wonder where kids who don't have the luxury of 2 households, go when the going gets rough? I mean I had some "moments" when I was a teen with my mother and step dad that were not pretty, but alas, my father lived on the other side of the country and my mother nor him ever played this game where it was once pitted against the other, One parent playing the "savior" from the other who was the "devil" So we dealt with shit as a family.
And if you don't think these skids KNOW how to play this, once it starts? You bet they do!
THIS ^^^^^^ This is exactly
THIS ^^^^^^
This is exactly what the skids did with BM and DH. They were always going back and forth. There were 4 of them that did this! WTH.
Eventually SS just stayed with DH until he graduated. OSD and MSD were no longer allowed to live with DH after they lived with him multiple times back and forth and caused too much drama.
When we (well I) bought our house, YSD thought she was going to come and live with us. Um no. I already knew where that would be going. In a month she would be sick of our rules and me being a "bitch" and she would try to go back to BM's.
She would have had to change school districts. BM wouldnt be paying nearly enough in CS to DH to make up for her living there. Um no and no and no and never and no and I'd rather poke my eyes out and no.
Man YSD used to whine so much about how awful it was at BM's house and how she wanted to live with Daaaddddyyyy. And I said to DH "okay what are the real reasons she wants to live with you. Please help me understand." and he is like "she just wants to live with me again. Its her turn"
Once it was clear that I would never allow the skids to move in, thats another reason they started to hate me.
Sorry not going to do the back and forth thing with your parents when you arent getting your way. Your parents may be dumb enough to let ya all get away with it, but not evil SM }:)
If there was no BM to deal with, I honestly think our household would have been so much better for the skids. For all the obvious BM reasons. But with the skids the way they are and dealing with BM... I would never be able to handle living with them.
Same crap with SD16.
Same crap with SD16. Conveniently not even one full year after we bought our new home, GBM told DH SD16 wasn't going to school and was failing because she was "depressed" DH jumped at the chance to be the "hero" and offered (unbeknownst to me) to let SD16 move in with us He was blaming BM1 for everything.... oh poor, poor SD, she has to live in that hole with GBM and BM1 is always there causing drama, poor, poor SD.
funny thing is, the minute there is no school (weekends, holiday, summer vacation) guess where SD16 is. GBMs. But WAIT! I thought it was sooooo horrible there! Whatever. DH and I both know she is just using us to attend school in the district where we live, 2 more years!!!!! then hopefully she'll run back to GBM and they can all live nastily ever after.
Oh yeah.. the thing too is
Oh yeah.. the thing too is that the skids are in a better school district. It would have been stupid for her to move in with us, and at 13 years old and leave her friends.
I dont think she really wanted to move in with us, I just think she wanted to see if DH would let her. A control thing.
When we did pre-marriage counseling, even our counselor said it would not be a good idea to ever have any of DH's kids live with us, EVER. LOL.
Even though BM is in the "better" city, she lives in the crappiest apartment in that city.
And I never feel bad that we have a 4 bedroom home while BM and YSD live in a dumpy apartment.
Yep revolving door my
Yep revolving door my ass....
I need to set a good example for my own BS and I dont want him to think he can run between mom/dad's house anytime he doesnt get his way.
*lol* You guys actually
Fortunately I have an excellent relationship with both of them, so I just patted my mom's hand and said, "Don't worry, I think so too."
My dad (and obviously there's no divorce guilt going on with him) would LOVE to have all his kids move back "home" with him at any time. My mom? 
Not so much....
And this is one of the
And this is one of the reasons that I am glad my ex bowed out of being a dad. He would have probably done the same crap. Not because he would want to save the kids, but because he would want to stick it to me.
My DD was and angel. Then turned into a devil from the age of 13 to 14. She was just a mean person. lol. She could push my buttons like no other! I am not a yeller nor do I curse much. HOWEVER...during her few years of hormonal teenage crap I turned into a beast. I had to. Thank goodness she did not have an idiot dad to come save her from her mean ol mom.
Due to MY parenting, this girl is now a college graduate, a teacher, a good Christian, and an all around GREAT person and my BFF. I doubt she would have turned out as good if her dad had been there to come pick her up when SHE was acting like a turd.