Fundamental Differences in Perspective
I know this sounds so petty, but I'm going there.
SO and I have gone to an expensive amusement park for the last couple of years. We take a day off work in the summer, make the 90 minute drive there and try to ride every roller coaster in the place. Pure, clean, adult thrills. Sure, it's an amusement park, which I guess some people think is for kids. But I enjoy escaping reality for a day and having a fun, kid-free time without the aid of alcohol...and even though there are some long lines, we wait and talk and hug and act all in love. We make memories together!
Anyway, this year SO might get 4 free tickets. He mentioned it to me a couple of months ago about how we would only have to buy one more ticket and then "we ALL" could go.
What?! Why would I want to turn this fun date into a kid event? The kids are 9, 8, and 5. They aren't roller coaster riders. We would have to do all the boring crap that they want to do. And again, this park is expensive...and HUGE. Who the hell wants to walk around with kids all day?
When he told me this before, I basically laughed my ass off and shut him down like, "So we should sacrifice our fun adult day to have a horrible time with kids who can't even ride anything? ...and who would complain the whole time."
But of course, the Disney in him just wants to "see the smiles on their faces." Seriously! What about the frowns on ours?
The kids smile while playing with balloons, or a pack of sparklers from the dollar store. Why would we do something like this to make them smile?
When he said it again tonight, I realized the fundamental difference in perspective that we have. I PUT MYSELF FIRST...without batting an eye. He does not. That's why he has so many problems.
I was getting all huffy and then decided to drop it with him and vent here instead. I don't think that hanging out with children at a place like this is fun. We plan kid events all the time - like trips to the zoo, the park, or kiddie water parks nearby, but I'll be damned if I sacrifice my fun date that I look forward to every year in an effort to "please" some brats. When they get older and can ride some stuff, we can re-evaluate it... but I still won't put their wants before my own. Not for something like this.
Has anyone been on trips like this with kids and YOU actually had fun?
Ugh, I'm going to go crawl into bed with him and act like I'm not annoyed with his perspective. I'm probably just ranting because of all the other things that have gone down recently. Maybe I'm being cynical. But then again, maybe I'm not.
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You're right about martyrs.
You're right about martyrs. The thing is... he doesn't even LIKE hanging out with his kids. I know this. I've seen it! I've literally had to take a beer out of his hands and put it back in the fridge at NOON. Dude, you've been up with them for all of 3 hours and you can't take it?
But like you said...it's guilt that drives them. Guilt is useless, and it's downright harmful if you're trying to make amends for bangin' an evil welfare queen in your twenties. I am not going on THAT trip with him.
I just wish he would admit, like I do freely, that kids are NOT fun to be around for extended periods of time. I can't lie to myself like he does. I love, love, love my child and want the best for him, but most days feel like drudgery and I would rather being doing about a billion other things than catering to his endless list of fleeting wants. That's not why I chose to have a child! I did it because I thought I would be a good parent - which I WORK HARD to be for him. Grr.
That's it...the last line.
That's it...the last line. "Supporting" everyone. But you can't save others if there's a hole in your own boat.
Thank you! So you've done it
Thank you! So you've done it and it sucks. And you can't help thinking about the money you've wasted. It's not PRACTICAL.
UGH. ugh. ugh.
And of course, he's sleeping right now. As soon as he feels my temperature rising, it's like his brain and his body shut off and out he goes. Tomorrow morning he'll be all, "I love you baby," and I'll be still annoyed that he denies any truths that are mildly uncomfortable.
Can someone please send me a MAN --- an old school one, like Charles Bronson or Chuck Norris? I need someone who kicks ass and takes names. Someone I can ADMIRE. I'm just over this.
HA! ...as long as those guys
HA! ...as long as those guys are thoughtful assholes. The equation is brains + conviction.
Strong values. A man who gives not one damn and will speak TRUTH. I'd settle for a guy who has the courage to even figure out what his truth is. Ah well. Can't see this lasting much longer if this is who he really is. I need a loving man who lets reason lead. I'm not willing to mold that in someone...they have to already have it.
And, I would take Dave Chappelle or Louis CK. Comedians have the biggest balls...and for some reason, I like balls on men.
I'm just thinking a lot
I'm just thinking a lot tonight. I don't want to change anyone. I don't want to come to this site for therapy. (I love y'all, but I don't want to be here! :p) I just want to know...is this who he is? Someone who denies reality that much? Likes living lies?
One day we had a talk, and it all goes back to this...
We were talking about how he takes in useless knowledge like celebrity birthdays and sports stats while I'm researching, or reading here, or doing something else practical. Then we got on the topic of the Matrix movie. He tells me that I would be one of the ones on the ship, eating that nasty snot they called food. And I told him that he would sell out his team for a piece of steak that ain't even real. We looked at each other for a moment, and something clicked. Fundamental differences in how we look at the world. It's not bad. I just don't want to spend my life trying to change someone's mind...when they're clearly choosing ignorance.
I think your OH is an
I think your OH is an arse.
Sorry to be blunt - but this has always been an adult date-type thing. Becoming a tradition even yes? And now he wants to share it with the kids? NO.
And that is the angle I would use, not the cost/they won't enjoy it/we won't enjoy it/we won't have fun spending that much time at THIS place with them.
Tell him that this is something that is important to YOU as a part of your rs with him. It's a DATE, a TRADITION for you as a couple that you really value and enjoy. You can find other places to take his kids, but to take something that has been just for the two of you and make it about the kids is wrong.
(my OH did this NYE. WE have spent the previous two NYE kidless, had started a tradition of eating fish and chips on the beach, people watching, just strolling around arm in arm and enjoying the night {summertime here} and then watching the midnight fireworks. We'd joked about it being our NYE date tradition etc. This year again supposed to be kidless. So we planned our "usual" date for the night. I was looking forward to it. Then BM decides to dump the skids on us on her time. And he agrees and goes on and on about how much they will love our tradition.... Ummmmm HELLLLLOOOOOO - it's a romantic couple date your freaking kids are NOT welcome.... Hell MY freaking kids wouldn't be welcome.... SS came over in the end and we all stayed home. Happy Effing New Year!) So, make him understand any way you have to or you WILL resent him taking away something YOU valued.
I'm soooo going to call him
I'm soooo going to call him an "arse" if he brings it up again...we're from the states so surely he'll get a kick out of that. haha! You completely nailed it. There IS resentment from him considering taking away something that I value. That's what it is. We don't have a ton in common. Every shared activity is sacred to me. I love when we can do something that has us both smiling. I'm going to tell him that. Thank you.
I would say he can take the
I would say he can take the kids and have a fabulous day seeing them smile. Then he can buy two tickets like you do EVERY year and take you on your special day. F that. He wants to take them, let HIM take them. But then he owes you the special adult date day.
Agreed! And you do NOT go to
Agreed! And you do NOT go to his 'we can ALL go' day.
He can learn for himself why you would rather not spend your vacation days slowly dripping acid directly onto your eyeballs while shaving your legs with a potato peeler *ahem* I mean with a bunch of kids at an amusement park.
Double agreed! I would LOVE
Double agreed! I would LOVE to see how he is after a trip like this with them.
Totally agree.
Totally agree.
Never take children under
Never take children under 12yo or 48" tall to an amusement park. Within the first hour they've done all that they can do, are starting on that tummy ache from junk food, are getting tired and grumpy. It's torture for all concerned.
I agree. I loved taking my
I agree. I loved taking my kids to the amusement parks. They get old so fast and are not interested in going with their parents anymore. I have very fond memories of having my children (and steps) with us for a family event.
Why can't you guys do the family thing with the free 4 tickets and take a different day for the two of you to go?
I see your point, but the
I see your point, but the tickets are $60 a piece, plus gas to get there, plus 90 minutes in the car, plus taking a day off during the week because the weekends lines are horrid (an hour wait or more).
If this was a regular amusement park, that would be different, but this one is known for being the best Roller Coaster park in North America - with more record-breaking roller coasters than anywhere else. Why would you take people who don't ride coasters to a place like this? It's NOT a place for little kids. The funny thing is that the kids KNOW NOTHING about this place. They have never asked to go. SO just assumes that they "should" go since we did when we were younger. My SO is just clueless sometimes...because I'm making perfect sense.
Let me tell you about the
Let me tell you about the time FDH and I took both skids to a (HUGE)amusement park.
Skid1 and myself had a blast, running around and riding all of the rides. FDH spent a huge chunk of the day on a bench with skid2 (8 at the time) because he was HOT, his legs HURT, and all of the rides (even the little kid rides) were SCARY!
We're going back this year when we visit my family again - well, FDH, skid1, and myself are. Skid2 will be parked in front of his xBox at my mom's house, and we'll all have a great day!
Never again would I attempt to take a child that age to a place like that. No effing way.
I suggested the couple
I suggested the couple thing... he insisted on the kids. Dumb. :?
Oh well, I do have two spa gift certificates resting patiently in my wallet.
I'm not arguing with him over his unhatched and incredibly stupid idea. I just hate that he's the type of guy who sacrifices his own fun and happiness for the perceived (unknown) wants of his children. That's lame as phuck.
Well I will be odd man out
Well I will be odd man out here... every year we take the kids to the amusement part and go "as a family" or whatever. DH and I also go on our own for the fun adult/date type experience. Here are some tips for going with kids of various ages if it ends up that you do go...
1. Eat a good breakfast- make sure the kids are all full right before you hit the road. This will give food time to digest and they won't be immediately hungry.
2. Pack a lunch/picnic- the prices are so expensive and the food is greasy garbage- bring a lunch for everyone and when the kids start to get hungry take a break in the shade and fill up.
3. Give them each a $ limit/game limit and tell them it will be the last thing that you do. "If you win something now you will have to carry it around all day and the chances of losing it are very high. We will spend the day doing rides and **if you are good** before we leave you can have $10 for games"
4. Set basic ground rules about safety- especially with the five year old- stay together, what to do if you get lost, does he know dad's cell number?
5. Make a plan and share it with the kids to avoid complaining/"I want"- "kids, we are going to walk along this path through the park. We will get to do things that everyone wants to do but we aren't going to walk back and forth a hundred times, we will just go in order of what we see, you will each get to do the things you want and that means being patent while your brother/sister gets to do what they want and waiting your turn."
I agree with everything you
I agree with everything you mentioned. That's all stuff I would do at a cheaper place - and thanks for the list. It's just that what you wrote seems like so much WORK.
All of the planning and organizing is what I want to get away from - we do that every other weekend, ya know? Correction...I do that for every activity that we do with the kids.
Maybe we'll try the amusement park in a few years...with a babysitter like someone said. It's just nice to have a day off, hit the bank for some cash and go on a trip with my man. We do so much for the kids. I'm in need of a break from thinking about their annoying asses all the time. And there's no better break than being getting a chance to act like kids ourselves...for even a day! lol
I hear ya loud and clear. It
I hear ya loud and clear. It definitely can be "work"
I would suggest that you tell your DH exactly what you wrote in your last paragraph, that you really just want a day to get away with him and spend time together. He is getting two extra tickets? Maybe suggest a double date with a couple you can tolerate, or, if they don't have to be used on the same day maybe suggest that you guys go twice this year???