Heart to Heart with DH
Last night DH started rehashing Mother’s Day. DH is angry at SS17 and SS12 because they didn’t acknowledge me on Mother’s Day. I guess they got me a card but forgot it at BM’s. DH had talked to them a couple of times (before Mother’s Day) about thanking all the women in their lives that love and support them. DH is going on and on about how he can’t believe they are so selfish and ungrateful.
I really didn’t want to go there, but I took this as an opportunity to bring up another Skid thing that had been bothering me. I told DH that I really struggle with Mother’s Day because I’m not SSons mother. But that caring for them is as close as I’ll ever get to being a mom. I told DH that their actions speak louder than words and that it’s okay if they don’t care about me. This was my lead in to what has been on my mind for a while. I told DH that when we do our estate planning I’m not comfortable with SSons being the beneficiaries of my portion of the estate and that if something happens to DH, I don’t want either one of them to be my medical or financial POA. DH agreed with me. He said he didn’t know what it was like to be a stepparent be he understands why I feel the way I do.
DH went on to say that he’s fed up with SSons attitude and behavior toward us. DH said he’s sick of SSons taking and not giving anything in return. I told DH that he was part of the problem because he caters to them; DH agreed but feels it’s too late to do anything about it now. I don’t agree but that but at least DH was being honest. I can’t believe DH didn’t get defensive.
~BettyRay
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Comments
I agree, I too don't think
I agree, I too don't think it's right to force something that isn't there. I've worked really hard to let go of the expectation that they acknowledge me for anything that I do. I do what I do for SSons because I feel it's the right thing to do not because I expect anything in return.
~BettyRay
I agree I don't expect
I agree I don't expect anything then its alot better when you do get it.
It does make it better. I
It does make it better. I was telling DH that when he pushes SSons to do something for me that it just makes things awkward and worse - everyone knows it's fake - so why bother? I feel weird and so do the SSons.
~BettyRay
wayinovermyhead - I never
wayinovermyhead - I never considered SSons for POA, but my DH has, DH was talking like we were a first family and not a step-family. It has been very hard to get him to listen to what I was saying regarding this topic without him getting defensive.
~BettyRay
They are entitled to nothing
They are entitled to nothing and you should have wills to indicate that. DH won't do his will, but I have mine and it leaves everything to my BS19 in trust. You have to leave your estate to someone that deserves it or a charity that will do good work. I will be damned if my money goes to a kid I didn't give birth to.