Wanted to let you know how this is going.

We've had four sessions so far. I like the counselor. She's very skilled and very balanced. She is also of the same ethnicity as H and I, which helps her understanding with some of our personality traits.

Things H revealed during our sessions:

1. He knew I was ready to divorce him when he moved. His thought was fine, guess that didn't work out. Then he went a little further and imagined someone asking him why we got a divorce. He said he didn't have an answer to that question. And if he didn't know why I would divorce him, then obviously there is a problem with him.

2. Admitted that he has been putting our relationship and consequently me off our entire marriage in favor of placating skid and Uberskank. Their needs and wants always came first.

3. Took any advice I gave him regarding his kid as negative and "you hate my kid" comments. Refused to listen to or consider my advice. His way was the only way because I was picking on, taking something away from or plain old hating his kid.

4. Took the job and moved to get away from everything and get a fresh start. Admitted he didn't once consider my objections, my needs or my concerns. He did what he wanted and made the assumption I would just go with it.

5. Has been putting all of the problems back on me. If an issue came up it was Shaman's fault, Shaman's mistake, Shaman was depressed, Shaman need counseling, Shaman should go see a doctor. Didn't consider the fact he was the problem.

6. Has been making decisions all along without me, keeping his relationship with skid and I on parallel tracks in his life. Which has done nothing but give skid mini-wife status and created acrimony between skid and me.

The counselor has been holding his feet to the fire regarding his relationship with his kid. She flat out told him he has to let go and let her learn from her mistakes. His habit of being the hero and swooping in to save the day has completed broken down our relationship and my respect, love and trust in him. It has also kept skid from learning valuable life skills and learning her decisions will either have rewards or consequences. And if it’s the latter, how to deal with/learn from the consequences.

She also told him in order for our marriage to work, he has to put our relationship first and must openly communicate all decisions with me. No more making decisions behind my back. He said he must make it clear to skid and Uberskank that our relationship comes first (not telling them, showing them by treating decisions and discussions differently). In fact the counselor told him that going forward, when asked for anything by skid or Uberskank, he should always say I need to discuss this with Shaman and get back to you. I thought that was odd and questioned it, but she said he must re-establish my place in his life with clear boundaries.

She told him this would be a process. Recommended personal counseling for H.

And for me....what did she say to me?? I'm impressed you stayed in it for this long without leaving and the fact you're willing to give him this chance to change. Just understand it won't happen overnight and that he will make mistakes along the way.

That's in a nutshell. I have no plans to move at this point. He talking a good game right now but I have to see some evidence of these changes. The first steps will be coming up in June when skid graduates from HS and he starts laying out new boundaries for the skid.