talked to therapist
I talked to SD14 therapist. She said sd14 is attention seeking and dramatic but she doesn't think she'd hurt baby and that she thinks sd14 just impulsive and didn't think about this razor hurting the baby.
I decided when SD14 comes home she leaves bag in kitchen behind gated area and turns pockets inside out and takes off shoes. I removed her shaving razor. She gets no more pencil sharpener. Mechanical pencils only.
This is the second time she brought a razor (first was broken glass) into the house and I told her and dh not acceptable first time!
She can cut and show friends all she wants outside my house but I dont trust the lying manipulative girl.
She going to BM for five days! After no contact for three years!
I hope mood stabilizer works too.
So I wonder I have four more years... interesting she left the pencil sharpener broken plastic out for me. It's all attention seeking.
What she doesn't realize is all her bullshit makes me hate her NOT pity her!
Eta: I know "what is dh doing about it" ... NOTHING. SAYS IGNORE HER LEAVE HER BS TO HIM BUT HE WONT CHECK HER BAG AND works to 645pm. So I am not disciplining but I damn well will check her before she come in my house. I will be going through her room this week while she is gone too.
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Looks like he will need to
Looks like he will need to find after school care for her until he gets off work.
I swear if she does this
I swear if she does this again, he will have to get a babysitter or she can roam until 7pm.
One "blade" broken glass or whatever, one more time (weapon or any drug), and I will NOT take it... DH said well just leave her alone if she uses it so what baby wont get it...hello razors in pockets fall out and she leaves earrongs and neckalces in pockets going through laundry what if falls out in washer and cuts me or ends up in nextoad be babies laundry!!. I am not disciplining but I damn well will check her before she come in my house after second time. We had the dont bring weapon in house talk in 2012!!!
Next time, I will say she goes or me and both babies go. She stay with baby sitter when dh not home at minimum. Zero tolerance. Hell she carried it to school. I wish they caught her and called cops.
She ran upstairs with her bag today and I said oh no way bring that back downstairs. She got mad she needed it to pack to go to mom's house. I told her Carr clothes down in Kroger bag because she isn't bringing anything in my house from outside ever again. No joke.
She is desperate for attention for being mentally ill and unstable so she will be treated unstable.
I might lock up utensils. ...
I might lock up utensils. ... I dont care if she cuts I really dont any more. But I wont have her with weapon in my house with toddler and Infant and the grand nieces age 5 visiting here. She can cut her pitiful little self elsewhere.
Sorry…too many therapists
Sorry…too many therapists prescribing to the Penelope Leech….aren't we all lovey dovey approach. I would watch her like a hawk around your baby! Also, whether you pity or hate her it will be all the same to her in the end. She is getting a reaction and an emotion out of you and hate trumps pity. Watch the sneaky bastard. I think you should follow your own advice. It sounds pretty instinctive and intuitive.
Yep. Since DS was born, I
Yep. Since DS was born, I follow my instinct.
Worst part is as wary as I am and as much as I DON'T want to..I do love SD14 and worry about her a lot. Causes a lot odf anxiety. This is why I keep falling into her manipulations and being naive when I find she turns things around and makes up stuff to say I mean to her. It hurts deeply. I keep saying WHY would she.
I am learning. I haven't been the perfect SM or pseudo-fill in mom to her. I know this. I readily swallow my pride and admit that I had severe depression and was distant for a couple years. I wish I could change that but I can't. (I was great from when she was preschool through fourth grade; i was sick in fifth and sixth grade years and worked 12 hrs from home in bedroom then slept or played computer games rest of the time and never left my roo....however her dad was laid off and home full-time hence me working g so much, so she wasnt left alone)
1. She has never been and never will be alone with my children.
2. Therapist, inlaws, and my family as well as BMs parents know what she's up to with attention seeking and exaggerated stuff.
3. She empties/turns out pockets and leaves bag by garage door (area gated baby can't get to) when entering my house. She may not take anything from outside into my house with out me going thru the bag first.
4. I calmly told DH this is the second d time she brought in something and we did the talk bith times. Now is pat downs but if she does bring drugs or blades or such in again he has option of sending her some where full-time or getting babysitter full-time.
5. She got Lamictal mood stabilizer. Psychiatrist and therapist see through her! I was scared but feel more confident now.
6. DH disciplines not me. No conflict.
7. I joined BPD support group. I use the books and tools I am learning to speak to her and stay "modified disengagement" and refuse to give emotional reaction.
8. No longer point out progress as it makes her prove to me she is sick in head and needs coddled. I do not react to cutting innuendo. Quit insinuating it and just go do it or stfu.
9. I behave calmly, firmly, warmly, and detached emotionally. I am nice and welcoming but with pat down thing and baby never in room with her alone. Trying to behave professional and detached emotionally while still providing care for her.
10. Venting here!!! Omg I couldn't stand it otherwise.
She is gone for five days. I am thrilled yet worried about her and of course will miss her; I have had her ten years. If pare t to blame for mental illness issues I'm right up there with dh and bm responsibility wise. But the break is such respite from constant prove you love me everyone hates me I cut myself blagh.
Any suggestion is welcome.
Any further suggestions are welcome.
Jeez and here I was dreading
Jeez and here I was dreading my weekend of sports events with ss12 ...I am SO sorry! This is really scary. I need to read some more of your blog before I say anything, *HUGS*
Its obvious the therapist was
Its obvious the therapist was dealing with a very devious and manipulative girl.
Please find s new therapist They say it takes going thru two or three before you find a good one.