Teenage sd's won't meet their new sister
My dh and I have been living across the country for 3 years due to the military. Dh's ex has been alienating sd's from both of us in that time (we also got married there). She has been offended by any contact via text or email when it comes to the kids, been lying to them, not encouraging contact with their dad, then telling them he doesn't care, absolute cruel behavior. Her children have been acting out and her family is helping to keep us apart by going with her lies. They act like they want what's best for the kids, but they clearly are looking out for their own best interests. Now we have a one year old that they haven't met yet and we now live in the same town again. They have expressed no interest in meeting her (they never came to meet her during the past summer). I am trying not to be upset about it, and I'm starting to get angry and throw my hands up in the air. My dh acts as if he's not bothered, but he obviously is. I used to think it's their mom's doing, but they are 14 and 16. She lies to them, but they don't even stop to consider his point of view and ignore all of us. Starting to realize that they are just like bm and it's time to just disengage and raise my daughter without expecting any contact with her siblings. Very sad, but maybe it's best to keep my sanity and have some peace.
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I think 1) teens in general
I think 1) teens in general just aren't excited about babies. 2) being that they are not "full" siblings (sorry) they might not feel a bond yet with your baby. 3) their reactions right now might not carry forward so don't hold it against them. Not saying they are innocent and clueless, but they are kids.
A friend of mine is married to a slightly older guy. His 3 kids are young adults. When her baby was born, they did not care...at all...now the youngest one loves baby sitting the toddler.
Yeah, after reading stories
Yeah, after reading stories on here, I'm starting to think it's a blessing in disguise. I've been blaming bm, but they are old enough to think for themselves and the brainwashing has definitely set in. I've been looking at it all wrong. I want them to be and act as sisters, but I was naive. Their mother doesn't accept the new baby, so why should they? It's hurtful, but you're right. They are snooty, selfish, lazy, and manipulative. These aren't exactly positive traits to have around a little one. They have only been talking to my husband every once in awhile just enough to keep him buying things for them at Christmas, birthday, whatever. Now he's expected to help pay for their cars thanks to their mother telling them he was going to (luckily we started a savings for them). They have made it clear that it's them and their mother's side of the family against us. Very sad and disturbing bm to make it this way. I'm just happy thy I have found a place to vent constructively because everywhere else tends to blame men in these situations and it's not always the man's fault, while these sick bm's get away with murder! My dh was out to sea for practically 2 years and they have barely talked to him. He has become hardened by their rejection, but he is so loving to our daughter. It's a second chance for him (which ex obviously hates).
Exhausted sm.... That is
Exhausted sm....
That is exactly what I think has happened. She also kept a huge secret from them until recently and we think she has wrongly blamed my husband for said secret when she was in fact to blame. They aren't even trying to talk to us now.
Geesh, to be honest, I'd be
Geesh, to be honest, I'd be cool with my skids who act like yours NOT having anything to do with my child... 1/2 sibling or not. I would not loose a wink of sleep over it.
DH and I actually got into a disagreement over SS14 who is a straight up punk (shoplifting, smoking pot, drinking, fighting, failing school, and God knows what else) I don't want him around our BS4. DH chastised me for being "ridiculous"... then less than a week later, after DH railroaded me into having SS over, we left for a couple of hours to have dinner for my birthday and came home to find that SS had been smoking pot IN our house! The best part is DH thought it would be OK for us to leave BS4 with SS while we went to dinner, I said no and we took him to my mothers. DH and SS are VERY lucky that I prevailed on that one, because there probably would have been a double homicide that day, if SS did that shit with BS4 there.
I tolerate SD15 because she lives with us, but if she were to move out tomorrow, I would not care about facilitating any kind of relationship between her and BS4 and to be perfectly honest?? Don't think BS4 would give a hoot.
The younger sd acted as if
The younger sd acted as if she wanted a younger sibling until I actually got pregnant. The older sd has recently said she couldn't wait to meet the baby and it was obviously lip service as we have move back over a month ago now and she cares more about her friends. I figured they wouldn't be coming over every weekend like they used to before we moved away, but I at least expected to see them want to meet their sister and visit at least once. Smdh. But of course, their childish and immature bm doesn't want them to even have a relationship with their own bio dad. Also, she is the one that caused their marriage to end by cheating and lying, and also had moved on. Not quite sure why she has such an ax to grind with dh. She's a nut job!
I'm really glad that I've
I'm really glad that I've come here. Finally a place to vent where people understand where I'm coming from. I'm ready to cry! I can't talk to my dh anymore because it's causing strain in our relationship. I just get so angry that his manipulative psycho ex has done so much damage and it's now affecting the kids relationship with their sister too. I realize it's time to cut her out of our relationship before we end up being a second marriage divorce statistic. I can't let her have power over us anymore. Luckily my dh can see things more clearly and he has dealt with this behavior far longer and can see past it.
Also, the kids have gotten
Also, the kids have gotten into so much trouble, acting out. Running away, sex, drugs, sneaking out, fighting with bm verbally and physically, etc. I suppose I should count my lucky stars that we don't have to deal with it.
Thank you, Ripleyv2! It
Thank you, Ripleyv2! It really helps to hear this!
Maybe they're old enough to
Maybe they're old enough to think for themselves. But the people they've been surrounded by are alienators and a bitter BM, so I don't know what else they are supposed to think. They've only heard her side of the story. And you don't know that they don't want to contact DH. They just might get in trouble if they do.
I think you need to wait until these kids have been living on their own for awhile. Time can heal wounds and help people change their perspectives.
Yes, you're right anon2009, I
Yes, you're right anon2009, I just keep seeing a pattern of manipulative behavior that mirrors their mother. Nothing seems to be genuine. They used to accept me or at least were respectful (before we were married and their mother had issues with me), and the younger one and I got to be pretty close. I guess we will learn about whatever lies are being told about us when they are grown. A highly narcissistic, selfish, lunatic is raising them in the meantime.
Oh, they also have cell
Oh, they also have cell phones, and one is paid for by dh. I don't see any excuse not to talk to their father. I know teenagers are selfish anyway, but this is ridiculous. Their dad has been gone for 3 years and they don't care to meet their half sister. That's just ridiculous to me.
Thank you rising2!
Thank you rising2!
Disengaged and it's amazingly
Disengaged and it's amazingly freeing!!!