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Living Alone

SadFairy's picture

Submitted by SadFairy on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 1:31pm

I’ve exchanged a lack of peace, for loneliness. The loneliness isn’t unbearable, and nothing is worth going back to someone’s behavior making me miserable every day, but it does get to me. I miss being held. I miss my H’s sense of humor. I don’t miss the excuses for why I shouldn’t have a problem with bad behaviors, or unrealistic expectations of maternal feelings for a child I didn't raise, will never trust, and don't share values with.

I feel silly for being sad when I’m getting exactly what I needed so desperately, a calm and clean environment of my own making. The first few days were glorious. I was dying to get home every day and just enjoy the tranquility and privacy that were previously nonexistent. I don’t regret my decision, but honestly, I’m a little depressed.

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, but lately I haven’t had much energy. I'm so tired of being sad. I really wish I could fast forward to the part when I’m healed.

Comments

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 1:43pm

Hugs. The best remedy is usually time and a time consuming hobby is the best way to make it go faster. For about too months I've felt lonely and disconnected from DH even though we're always together--I know it's the normal cycle of relationships and we just got back into a good cycle but it was weird being lonelier with him than without. I started keeping myself busy with planning and preparing my garden for this year. Did wonders for both passing the time and sparking my passion in something.

Find a hobby, I like gardening but maybe yoga or a book club or something to look forward to in your daily life.

SadFairy's picture

Submitted by SadFairy on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 1:46pm

Thanks. Now that you mention it, I haven't been taking any of my usual vitamins or supplements. I'm sure that's not helping matters.

I would like to get back into a regular fitness routine. That would be a good distraction if I could muster up the energy. I'm going to try to find the motivation to start exercising again tonight.

SadFairy's picture

Submitted by SadFairy on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 1:54pm

No I haven't tried it. That sounds like a good idea. I'm on a strict budget now because this move really set me back. I can't afford a gym membership, but I wonder if there is a place that would allow me to just take one class a week.

3familiesIn1's picture

Submitted by 3familiesIn1 on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 2:55pm

Check groupons if you have them in your area - they often offer super cheap trials for short periods of time, and they can get you out of the house for cheap!!

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 1:53pm

you need a furbaby!!!!

they are woonnnnderful. not just saying that cuz i'm an animal lover either, but they actually really and truly are great companions. they read your emotions and have their own individual personalities.

i enjoyed my solitude, but it was nice to have another living being right there with you. one you can hear breath, one that you can make smile (and yes, they do smile!) and one that lays their head on ya when they think you need comfort.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 2:04pm

i needed 3 Blum 3

i miss two of them Sad but my big baby's still all mine. he even sniffs tear tracks when i'm sad. and he gives the best hugs.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 1:57pm

Sad Fairy - On top of my marriage ending, I lost a good friend 5 days after he left.

I had a few bad weeks. Being lonely is just part of the adjustment period. It does get easier every day.

I liked the Zumba suggestion. Anything that can get you out of the house and around others will help a lot. Even if it's only an hour or two a week.

Give yourself time to grieve, don't be too hard on yourself and know that it's okay to be lonely for a short time. It's part of the healing process.

SadFairy's picture

Submitted by SadFairy on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 2:19pm

Logically I know I have to go through this phase, but it still makes me feel like poo. Sad The last thing in the world I need to do is skip through the phases necessary for growth, and find myself in a bad situation again.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 3:15pm

Oh yeah.....the first three weeks completely blew goats. Then I realized my shoulders weren't around my ears any more. Progress!
Smile

We should check in with each other. Keep each other strong. H still thinks I'm moving to HI in June. Despite what I've said to him.

SadFairy's picture

Submitted by SadFairy on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 10:29pm

I like that checkin idea a lot. There's certain things even other IRL SM's don't understand when I try to talk to them. I love how the women here can relate to one another. Let me know if you ever want to chat/vent. Smile

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 3:36pm

This could help. Crappy weather puts me in the dumps.

I've never been "diagnosed", but I believe I suffer from Seasonal Depression. I experience it every winter. I begin to notice it when my flowers start dying back in the fall. It sets in with cold weather & it doesn't let up until I see my Spring bulbs start breaking through the ground.

I make a point to spend time outside when the weather isn't freezing. Even if it's just long enough to walk around the house with the dogs. You'd be amazed at what sunlight can do for you.

Even if you don't suffer from Seasonal Depression specifically, making a point to spend a few minutes outside in the fresh air & natural sunlight can help pick you up.

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 6:19pm

Sad Fairy:I experienced the "slump" after the few weeks of euphoria after quitting the sauce, I'm an alcoholic. Take a walk- everyday. I'm in a warm climate so I know it's easy for me to say, Dirol , but even if you have to brave the snow you need fresh air and exercise EVERY DAY. Sooo helpful.I know you're sitch is different from mine, just telling you what worked for my slump here, other things: acai juice, bcomplex, lots of fruits and veggies, and of couse, Steptalk! lol I know you'll be fine. God bless.

SadFairy's picture

Submitted by SadFairy on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 10:34pm

Thanks for the suggestions and support! Tonight actually wasn't nearly as bad as last night. I need to keep reminding myself of the reasons I left, instead of the aspects of the marriage I miss. There's no point in dwelling on what no longer matters. It would be a mistake to convince myself things weren't that bad just because I'm a little lonely.

stepnicole2010's picture

Submitted by stepnicole2010 on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 2:14pm

Sadfairy - you'll be ok. it gets better i promise - I've been gone 4 months now. I cried more than I thought a human could cry. But you're free.

You will feel better every day, little by little. Keep reminding yourself why you left. This is your life, stay strong. Big hugs xoxo

SadFairy's picture

Submitted by SadFairy on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 4:37pm

Thanks you guys. I will keep posting here. No offense to anyone but the reminders of what I don't have to deal with anymore do make me feel better. Smile

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Wed, 02/05/2014 - 4:08pm

I don't have any wise words except a quote I like: It's better to be lonely than miserable.