I just read something in the forums that blew my mind and wanted to share it.

As you all know I am childless and dated a single dad with a young son (2-5 while we were dating, 6 now). I was miserable for a lot of different reasons and yet am an idiot and kept going back to see if things had changed. I think we are on the fifth try now where I am once again dipping my toe into the water to test things. He's admittedly working on a lot of things, and he is my best friend and my family... but the situation made me miserable. I keep forgetting that basic fact, that even when things were good between us, I HATED HIS LIFE and found it very stifling. And now that the "honeymoon" period is over again this time around, I'm once again resenting the situation. Having to give up every single weekend, ALL weekend, to hang out with them, even if he does get a babysitter twice a month. I just feel very trapped. I feel like even if his schedule changed, even if he moved to my city - I would still find the situation suffocating.

Anyway, I was reading the "childless stepparent" forum here where a guy was talking about hating his life because of his girlfriend's son, and Sootica said this:

"I get it you love your girlfriend sooo much & no one is disputing that BUT answer this honestly.....are you prepared to push aside your hopes, dreams and aspirations and sacrifice them for the greater good of the "family". The irony is that your girlfriend and her ex were not prepared to put aside their differences for the sake of a family they chose .... so even though your girlfriend and her ex broke up their family unit you are expected to be delighted with someone elses leftovers!"

I've had a lot of thoughts and opinions on my situation but for some reason it never occurred to me - ex-SO and BM gave up. I mean I honestly always felt like they didn't have any problems that couldn't have been worked out, had ex-SO grown up a little bit. Ironically, the things that are important to me right now (freedom, being able to go out and have a life) are the things that caused him to leave BM. She wasn't fun enough, they didn't have the type of connection he wanted sexually - he wanted to be able to go out and have fun and do the things he never go to do in his 20s, which apparently she never wanted to do, but especially not after she had a baby. Uh, well you married her. And you had a child with her. And you couldn't work things out for the sake of your CHILD because you wanted to have a more fun lifestyle?

But now, *I* finally live in a city I absolutely love, am building a social life for the first time in years (which I set aside for the past 5 years because of HIM) - I am enjoying the freedom to be spontaneous and do whatever I want, whenever I want - things I have the luxury of doing because I don't have the responsibilities he has. And things that, frankly, I appreciate SO MUCH now that I didn't have them for the years I was with him.

Yet I am expected to give it all up, 90% of the time anyway, "for the sake of the family." But he and BM didn't do shit for the sake of the family they created together. They gave up. They were separated before that kid even turned a year old, for god's sake.

When I think of it like that, it blows my mind. And it's kind of funny also. And wildly unfair. I don't know if I could ever "grow up" (in ex-SO's words) enough to be okay giving up my freedom for that situation. But he couldn't "grow up" and work it out with BM, after he created a child with her. But I'm the one who needs to grow up and accept a situation that I didn't even create... HA!

Thank you Sootica!!! Truly blew my mind.