I think I'm done
I went home for lunch, which I frequently do to save money, and DH is laying on the couch watching TV for the second day in a row. Now while I acknowledge that it isn't his fault that he wasn't working (he works a job that depends on the weather) I was soooooo angry that he wasn't doing anything!! I blew up and screamed like a crazy shrew. I told him I was done being the giver and cleaning up a grown man's messes. I told him to leave. Does anyone have any advice about staying positive with a negative/defeatist person constantly giving up before they even try? He is his own worst enemy. I'm so tired of living with an adult child. Help!
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Spineless wonder didn't do
Spineless wonder didn't do anything around the house either. He was self employed and worked out of his garage for a couple years. He slept until noon or so, drank coffee with his head in his hands for a couple hours, shower (maybe), then ask what was for dinner and if he had clean clothes. I got tired of killing myself at a dead end job so he could do nothing.
I understand the anger. Hugs
I have no advice because I
I have no advice because I couldn't figure out how to motivate him.
Yeah, you shouldnt have to
Yeah, you shouldnt have to take care of him like a child. Mine does this too and it drives me crazy. Who wants a teen boy for a Husband??? Eventually, I will find the strength to find a real man...of course after a lot of healing from this one. You should do the same. We should be treated like their Wives, not their Moms.
i have a DH that has faltered
i have a DH that has faltered on doing things around the house because he is too busy being a Disney Dad when Princess Boy is here...i am fed up as well...i bitch and moan about it but guess what?..DH still continues to do NOTHING...i feel your pain Harley...
In my case SW (spineless
In my case SW (spineless wonder) had a list. One example is that I had purchased an under the counter jar opener that I wanted him to install. I asked him if he would do it. He said he would.In a minute. I left it on the counter so he could find it when he was ready. FF six
years later when we moved out of that house, it was still on the counter. He asked me if I wanted him to pack it. I laughed and laughed because no way in hell was I going to look at it on the counter in our new house for the next 6 years.
Yes six years. I would
Yes six years. I would remind him every few months and he said he would do it. In a minute.
That is just one example of disappointment and let down I endured. It really is a small thing and very petty but so many things added up until I resented him breathing.
He wouldn't "find the time"
He wouldn't "find the time" to do anything on the list. He can hustle when he wants to. But only when he wants to. I firmly believe he suffers from depression and guess what there? He won't go to a doctor or therapist because he's afraid of doctors. It's all irrational. He never had a tramatic experience. His dad and grandmother are freaking hypochondriacs but they never tended to his needs growing up. Now all the stupid thoughts and mindsets.
This is not good for either
This is not good for either of you. In my experience, resentments over things like this only grow stronger with time.
My ex was more like a teenager living in my house than an actual partner. He had some hard luck when we moved and it took a while for him to find a decent job. Understandable. What was unacceptable was that he played video games all day long while I was working. I cleaned the house, took the pets to the vet, did the grocery shopping, paid all the bills...as in not only completely footing the bills but also making sure they got paid on time too. I felt like he should have at least become the household manager, started some projects around the house, whatever...anything but sitting on his butt all day. I complained so much that he finally took the hint and volunteered to fix dry wall in a water damaged part of our house. He was willing to work on home projects but I had to spell everything out for him and make to-do lists for him. Again, he should have been the project manager so to speak...just consult with me first and give me the bill.
He took way longer to get on his feet than it should have taken him and by the time he did, it was way too late. The damage to our relationship had already been done. I viewed him as a child, not a man, not a partner. He viewed me as an emasculating harping bitch. We were done. There was no respect and certainly not an ounce of love left after that.
Yes, DH views me as an
Yes, DH views me as an emasculating harping bitch. I don't want to be at all! I want to be with someone equal. I constantly have to take care of everything because he either won't or choses not to. He says he doesn't feel motivated when all I do "is put him down and make him feel lousy." How am I making him feel lousy if the simple solution would be to contribute to the household through doing laundry, cleaning, working on a resume, etc. Everything ends up being my fault when I actually DO stand up for myself. For example, his vehicle needs several things fixed. He's been driving my vehicle. At lunch I asked for the keys to my vehicle. Of course it is now my fault that he can't go pick up SS7 and therefore BM will be pissed yada yada yada. My thought is "Hey asshole, save your money to fix your vehicle and stop relying on me!" Pretty simple.