Appropriate discipline advice????
So long story short Dh and I have custody of his son 5yrs old. He has had a horrendous childhood with a very abusive mother (see past blogs) but now he is with us full time.
The problem we are having is he is very violent to my son who is 8yrs old. My son so far has not retaliated as I always tell him to walk away and come tell me or DH. The last few times SS has really left some marks on bs8 tho and I'm not sure what to do.
We have tried Reward charts,time out, naugthy step, confiscating toys,tv priveledges, no desert, sent to bed... nothing seems to work!
Anyone else have any advice how to deal with this or have any experience in this area?
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What kind of counseling is he
What kind of counseling is he in?
I am not into giving kids a free pass on behavior but with a history like you briefly describe, there is going to be a "breaking in" period. As a parent you already know that consistency is key and you and DH have to have each other's backs 100% of the time. Coming from a history of abuse he is probably testing you (whether he knows it or not) to see if he is safe with you.
How does he handle being separated and alone in his room? What does bother him when you take it away? Outside time, TV, toys?
I don't have any experience
I don't have any experience with abuses kids so no advice. But!!!! I would keep my kid away from him so he does not get abused any longer!
Thats just it nothing works
Thats just it nothing works its like it doesnt even register. If it was just SS then it wouldnt really be a problem Im just worried about BS8 getting hurt. We've tried seperating him and sending him to his room but he just goes to sleep!
He goes to play therapy once a week but its only a 1hr session. The therapist says hes making a lot of progress but wont give us any info cos that would 'break his trust'. I get it I just dont know how to help him and keep my son safe at rthe same time.
He only has one session left at play therapy so maybe take him to doctor after that I dont know.
I get that a therapist can't
I get that a therapist can't share details on what is being told, HOWEVER, they have to be able to also guide you are parents of an abused child to do what will work and help him.
New DR time!!
Is the SS 5 or 15? At 5
Is the SS 5 or 15? At 5 parents have the right and expectation to have therapy shared... Also, the therapist should be giving you more practical advice. Time for a new therapist.
Also, why would you leave them unattended if SS is violent - keep them separated or with an adult. You are setting your BS up for failure - you won't let him hit back, but you aren't protecting his environment either.
You need consistency far more then anything else with someone who is abused. They don't trust easily and constantly test limits. This will not be an easy child to raise.
Honestly, I would give BS8
Honestly, I would give BS8 permission to defend himself within reason. My brother is only a year older than me and was very physical with me. Hitting me on the head, holding me down with his hands over my mouth and nose, etc. If I hadn't been able to defend myself, I probably would not be here. The experience made me very wary of having people touch me, and to this day I can't stand anybody's hands near my nose or mouth, I freak out. Your BS8 should be able to safeguard his own body, again, within reason.