Sick of the games
I try to do what's right. Try to love unconditionally. Try to give regardless of the reaction. I know these kids deal with the rejection of their bio mom if they don't walk the line. Walk the line with bio mom means, making her feel & it appear that she's the best, only & most loved parent. I'm growing weary of it, though & I'm reaching the point where I just want to say "We are doing nothing fun! Until you stop acting like you are forced to be here & stop these games!" The bio mom is remarried to a much much older man & they do 1-2 "fun activities" a YEAR. With us, there's rarely a week that we don't do fun things... We are VERY active. We play tag at parks, go for hikes, swimming, sporting events, day adventures, sleep overs at family & friends as a family, organize big water fights & baseball games for family & friends, themed parties & dinners, bbqs... On & on. The bio mom does NOTHING! I know the step kids like being with DH & I, but it's "required by mom" to act like they don't. (Been addressed professionally) Is it WRONG to say if they continue this we aren't doing activities? My DH & I both struggle with it.
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The kids are dealing with a
The kids are dealing with a loyalty complex that they just do not understand. Punishing it is probably not where I would start, but I would absolutely do what I could to try and correct it.
As far as ways to correct it, hopefully some of the steps on here with more experience will have better insight. For us, we dealt with this in the beginning a little bit, mostly where BM would ask how was your week and the kids would say "it was fine" when 5 minutes earlier they were going on and on about how fun it was. DH would pick them up from BM and they would cry about having to leave and 5 minutes down the road be bouncing up and down "what are we doing today, I love you daddy, I missed you- to me and bios" We kind of just ignored it and if they were crying would just wait until they stopped and say "are you done with your sad moment and ready to be happy or do you need some more time?" I guess what I am saying is we didn't force anything and it worked itself out. My steps were young so that might have played a role, but even now they will be having fun and BM will call for her nightly chat and they get all "fine, okay, uh-huh, love u too, ok, fun, sure, miss you, bye, ok" and then get off the phone and are back to themselves.
ours do that too. u'd swear
ours do that too. u'd swear up and down that we were the most absolutely boring as hell family in the universe. "hi baaabyyyy, whatcha doing?" "nothing." every. single. time.
the real answer is "just walked in the door, i had practice then i stayed outside and played when we got home. dad's fixing dinner right now so i'm fixing to eat after i finish this race on my video game."
"nothing." really?
So frustrating!!!
So frustrating!!!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Been there as well. The
Been there as well. The answer was to STOP planning all the fun things and just stay home, not doing anything special. I don't care if you go back and tell your mom that you had a miserable time with us, but if you're going to ACT miserable while you're with us then we will stop trying to ensure you get to do fun stuff.