Normal or Not Normal???
OK, quick recap for those who haven't been following.
Ss12 stabbed a kid with a pencil about two weeks ago. Served a three day in school suspension and lost electronics in our house "until further notice"
He was back in regular school last week and apparently had no issues, so this past weekend dh took him off all punishment. He took him go carting and to the movies. He's allowed back his TV/ electronic privileged again too. Once again I hear "I'm not going to punish him forever".....even though I didn't say anything about it.
Is that normal? To only take away electronics for a week and a half for stabbing someone and getting suspended? This is his second suspension and third fight this school year.
And then last night, dh asked for sex, and I replied that as was still up watching TV. He gives me this dirty look and says, I'm sure he's in there reading and not watching the TV (he is required to read the hour before bedtime). I just shrugged and said, I don't see how with his light off. So dh calls as out to the living room and asks if he read tonight, as just stares at him slack jawed and mumbled I read tomorrow night.
Why oh why does dh keep giving this kid the benefit of the doubt when he proves him wrong each and every time!!!
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If my kis stabbed someone and
If my kis stabbed someone and got suspended, he'd have a hell of a lot more taken away for a much longer time. But then again, your DH sounds like one of the bleeding-heart, coddling Disney Daddies that seem to be all over this board.
Oh well. If Daddy won't punish him now, the corrections officers will later. His choice.
Because guilty parents can't
Because guilty parents can't see imperfections. I have problems like this too- all the time. I have stopped caring. At some point SS will get arrested for his behavior and will not be my problem anymore.
This would never happen in a traditional family. This is special to us blended families. And it is sooooo not normal or right!
ABNORMAL! Just like the
ABNORMAL!
Just like the way my SS was raised. My SS was suspended from school several time. (before HS)
Fighting
Sniffing glue
Took a box cutter to school.
stealing form the teachers lounge.
ECT
The most punishment I saw the kid get was MAYBE a few hours without his phone. Usually both BM and DH felt so bad for him because of the mean people at school. (principal, teachers,student) Apparently they all just had it out for poor little SS so he usually got a reward after each of these issue. GAG
LOL!
LOL!
Are you kidding me, I'd have
Are you kidding me, I'd have everything taken until I turned 30!!! That kid needs an attitude adjustment not electronics. :O
Oh, AND he made the comment
Oh, AND he made the comment how ss will be easy at Christmas this year because he just wants a ps3
The fact that he would ask for ANYTHING so soon after another suspension proves that he's learned nothing, and the fact the dh was OK with the request and intends to fulfill it shows me icbave no hope of this ever changing
OMG he stabbed someone, he
OMG he stabbed someone, he needs to be punished! Who cares if a person feels bad... oh wait he should cuz he stabbed someone. Your husband needs to grow a piar or prepare to visit this kid behind bars. Maybe the kid could get a job there woking in the laundry.
I would do a lot more if my
I would do a lot more if my child did this. Maybe that's just me...but him not having serious repercussions for this behavior is telling him that he is exempt from the rules, that he is more important or special to the point where the rules don't really apply to him. This can transfer into adult life very poorly, will struggle to conform to work requirements, boundaries, friendships or spousal relationship, criminal activity...
I'm still back at the stabbed
I'm still back at the stabbed a kid and only got a 3 day suspension...
I don't know here (and I know
I don't know here (and I know I'll get slammed for saying this) but how much does the kid need to be punished? I thought the stabbing was ruled to be "horseplay with a friend" by the school? Not that I'm condoning it, but I think there is a difference in maliciously stabbing someone with a pencil and stabbing someone because your horse play got carried away. He got punished by the school, he got punished at home. He returned to school for a solid week with no issues, while his "suspensio" at home continued so does that not deserve some type of recognition, just as his bad actions did?
Thanks for your perspective.
Thanks for your perspective. I'm honestly asking if this punishment is normal. I never got into trouble in school growing up...neither did my sister or brother. None of my friends got so much as a detention.....so what a "normal" punishment for this type of behavior is very foreign to me.
It just seems to me that all of his issues put together ( the repeated fights, the repeated suspensions, failing multiple classes etc) it warrents more than a week of no TV, followed by "reward weekend" of being treated to go carts and a movie (not the norm in our house). And honestly..... Making it through a sin gle week of school without a call from the principal hardly seems like a huge accomplishment....
Making it through a single
Making it through a single week of school without a call from the principal hardly seems like a huge accomplishment....
Yes, but for THIS kid it IS! I guess I look at it like this... so this kid is basically always in trouble in some form or another. He gets punished for his crappy behavior (as he should), but his good behavior is overlooked because of all his crappy behavior. Doesn't really give him much reason to WANT to try good behavior.
HOWEVER, your DH did not treat your SS to a fun weekend and end his punishment because he was trying to reward his good behavior, your guilty daddy DH did all of that because it makes your DH feel better and that my dear is where your problem lies.... IMHO
I think you are right about
I think you are right about him demonstrating positive behavior over the last week, that is commendable.
I was just thinking about this issue combined with his other behaviors from previous blogs from her, I would probably remove the electronics, require additional work around the house, and for him to write a letter to the school and us about why that behavior is unacceptable and how he will make sure it doesn't happen again. My kids horseplay, but using sharp items to jab at each other is not allowed under any circumstances. Even if the school made their decision about what happened and the consequences, the behavior isn't okay.
I recently had a client who stabbed a neighbor with a knife in his apartment, my client was given a three day to vacate even though the police deemed it self defense...this is a long, complicated story that I cant get into, but the rules of the complex surrounding weapons and DV are clear and both parties were given the same consequences.