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Is it worth it?

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Sat, 08/10/2013 - 11:25am

I am just wondering if the stress, the pressure, the depression, the panic attacks, and all the drama is worth it?

We are pretty much all in the same boat. We all say DH is the best thing that ever happened to me, he would be great if it weren't for the skids/BM. But how many of us are depressed, on medication, in counseling?

When skid comes around I seriously have panic attacks. This is not a way to live. WTF am I doing? DH keeps promising me that things will get better. But it's the same thing every time. DH is Disney dad of the year, BM is up to her BS, SS6 is annoying AF. Who lives like this?

We are starting counseling Friday. But I really don't think it's going to change anything. And to make things worse, DH wants full custody of SS6 next year :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

*SIGH*

I love DH but I guess I'm just not happy and don't fill like I'm in a fulfilling marriage. DH knows this and told me that we are going on a vacay just us next month, but what about after the vacay? We will be coming home to the same problems.

Sorry guys if this doesn't make any sense and sounds like rambling. I'm just upset and depressed at the same time.

Comments

Struggling stepmum's picture

Submitted by Struggling stepmum on Sat, 08/10/2013 - 11:42am

You are repeating me! I don't feel I'm getting anything from all this. And my sense of self worth is zero. I just don't have a say a choice and much of a life. Yet I'm still always wrong. They don't love us. I am just an option. I am starting divorce proceedings. I hope it works better for you

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Sat, 08/10/2013 - 12:08pm

((HUGS)) I am so sorry to hear this. It always sad when the marriage can't work. Do you have children with DH?

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Sat, 08/10/2013 - 11:59am

Ask him in the counseling that if his being "Disney Dad" is more important than having a happy wife?

Yes the kid exists and always will but what are the dynamics? Are you in a position of just being an unpaid nanny/maid/housekeeper/sex provider? Or worse yet - all of these things and you are helping him financially to survive.

If the kid comes to live with you what does he expect of you? I had a roommate with a 6 year old kid many years ago. Yes there was a child in the home but I didn't get involved with school, meals, laundry, etc. I have fond memories of that time.

But even that kind of arrangement may not work for you. Don't let what others can handle define what you want in life. Really think about what would be acceptable to make you happy. Forget about the others while you are deciding what YOU want. Then you can look at whether you can both compromise enough to make it work.

There's always the possibility of love again even if you can't imagine it now. I've known people who were deliriously happily married and who lost a spouse to death. At the time the could not imagine ever loving anyone again - but most now are happily involved with a new partner.

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Sat, 08/10/2013 - 12:17pm

Thanks Oldone. I always read your replies and you have such wisdom. Of course everything you said is correct. I was the nanny and maid until I hired a real nanny and maid because I got tired of doing everything! As far as a sex provider....I am really not attracted to him because of all this stress and drama, so we rarely have sex Sad (Is that TMI? Sorry! LOL!)

When SS6 comes to live with us next year, he wants me to be the "mom". He wants me to do everything for him and be the disciplinarian and the bad guy. So he can be the Disney dad and everybody can hate me.

When we had SS for the summer I was home with him the majority of the time (the nanny only works 2 days a week). Any time there was discipline needed DH would tell SS "Belladonna says no TV for the rest of the night, or Belladonna says you have to go bed early". He would always put it on me. Instead of saying "you broke the rules so no TV tonight or go to bed early",etc.

I guess I'm just tired of all of this!

Struggling stepmum's picture

Submitted by Struggling stepmum on Sat, 08/10/2013 - 12:05pm

These men can make us feel like a million or nothi g depending on their treatment. These are extremes of emotions. A million high is not a healthy way live our lives and the nothing's just take over anyway.

msg1986's picture

Submitted by msg1986 on Sat, 08/10/2013 - 1:16pm

I used to feel this same way for a while. To me at one point it wasn't worth it and I was ready to move on and then my Dh changed. I was skeptical for a while and thought "sure, we'll see how long this lasts" but he set boundaries with Bm and Mil, stopped being a Disney dad and started putting our relationship first. He never neglected Ss but he sure as hell put him in his place when he acted up. That's when I felt like all the stress we'd gone thru and what shit that pops up now makes me feel likes it's worth it. I hope your dh realizes that things need to change, esp if you guys are planning on getting custody next year, he cannot pin everything on you. :::Hugs::: I hope things start to look up for you.