http://www.helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm

"Helping children cope with divorce: Provide stability and structure

While it’s good for kids to learn to be flexible, adjusting to many new things at once can be very difficult. Help your kids adjust to change by providing as much stability and structure as possible in their daily lives.

Remember that establishing structure and continuity doesn’t mean that you need rigid schedules or that mom and dad’s routines need to be exactly the same. But creating some regular routines at each household and consistently communicating to your children what to expect will provide your kids with a sense of calm and stability.
The comfort of routines

The benefit of schedules and organization for younger children is widely recognized, but many people don’t realize that older children appreciate routine, as well. Kids feel safer and more secure when they know what to expect next. Knowing that, even when they switch homes, dinnertime is followed by a bath and then homework, for example, can set a child’s mind at ease.

Maintaining routine also means continuing to observe rules, rewards, and discipline with your children. Resist the temptation to spoil kids during a divorce by not enforcing limits or allowing them to break rules. "

http://www.nncc.org/parent/visitdo.html

"Make visitation a normal part of life

Find activities that give you and your children an opportunity to build your relationship. Allow time together without planned activities just to "hang out."
Provide a balance between fun and responsibility for your children.
Encourage visitation that includes grandparents and extended family.
Make sure your children have their own places in your home even if it is just part of a room so they feel it is also their home.
Help your children meet other kids in your neighborhood so they have friends at both homes.
Try to keep a routine schedule to help prepare your children for visitation.
Have a checklist of items such as clothing and toys that your children need to take on visitations. If the children are old enough, they can help pack.
If it's appropriate, allow your children to bring friends along occasionally.
Spend individual time with each of your children."

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/help_child_divorce.html#
"The Importance of Consistency

Consistency and routine can go a long way toward providing comfort and familiarity that can help your family during this major life change. When possible, minimize unpredictable schedules, transitions, or abrupt separations.

Especially during a divorce, kids will benefit from one-on-one time with each parent. No matter how inconvenient, try to accommodate your ex-partner as you figure out visitation schedules."

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/help_child_divorce.html#a_Adj...

"Your child may refuse to share time with you and your spouse equally and may try to take sides. If this occurs, as hard as it is, try not to take it personally. Maintain the visitation schedule and emphasize the importance of the involvement of both parents.

It's important to maintain as much normalcy as possible after a divorce by keeping regular routines, including mealtimes, house rules about behavior, and discipline. Relaxing limits, especially during a time of change, tends to make kids insecure and reduces your chances of regaining appropriate parental authority later."

http://www.svnetwork.net/visitation-decisions.asp
"Respect Parent-Child Relationships

Parents can help their children by respecting and supporting each child's relationship with the other parent. Unless agreed upon by both parents, parents should not plan activities for children that conflict with the other parent's scheduled time with the children. The time a parent is scheduled to spend with the children belongs to that parent and the children. The other parent should not interfere with this time. Parents can also help their children by adjusting the schedule to permit their children to participate in reasonable extracurricular activities.
Encourage Telephone and Other Contact

Parents can help their children by calling and writing to them and by reasonably encouraging and assisting them to call and write to the other parent. Children do best when they are able to maintain contact with both parents. While visitation is one way to maintain that contact, other ways include telephone calls, letters, e-mail, and other forms of communication. Telephone calls between parent and child should be permitted at reasonable hours and at the expense of the calling parent. Unless restricted by court order, parents have a right to send cards, letters, packages, e-mail, audiotapes, and videocassettes to their children. Children have the same right to send items to their parents. Parents should not interfere with these rights."

http://www.familylawrights.net/blog/when-your-kid-doesnt-want-to-go-to-d...
"Working Out Visitation Issues

One of the most common reasons why a kid doesn’t want to go to their other parents house for visitation is they’re leaving all of their stuff behind. Books, games, toys or their ipad may stay at home, and now all they have to do is hang out with mom or dad (which can be boring for a kid!). Couple that with the fact that the child will probably not be having fun and playing with their friends and you’ve got a recipe for one unhappy camper and a child that does not want to participate in visitation.

As the parent who is experiencing the problem of their child not wanting to come over, it’s time to get creative. Think of fun games and activities that your child enjoys and engage them in them. It doesn’t need to cost money, but it needs to be more than sitting around the house talking and watching movies. Riding bikes or having squirt gun wars is fun and is a great way to be playful with your child while keeping them active when they are with you for visitation periods.

If you are the parent with whom your child wants to stay, sometimes you have to just make them go to the other parents house for visitation. Hundreds of studies have shown that a child that grows up without a significant presence of both parents in their lives is detrimental to their growth and overall well-being. Forcing them to go shows them that you respect the other parent and that they should too. Try to be proactive with the other parent, as difficult as that may be post-breakup, and let them know what’s going on and what the child is in to. Realize that this is important, not for you, but for your child, and that is your number one priority."

In a long-distance situation like ours, communication is visitation of a different kind. My effort is to make it regular, predictable, private and relatively distraction-free. I don't see it as optional because of how important it is. There are many fun things SS won't want to do 'right this second' because he's 5. Even at soccer camp there were moments when he went and pouted about something while his teammates had a grand old time without him, which is normal for his age. (They all did it at least once) At the same time, it is not unreasonable to expect him to focus on something for 10 minutes. His attention span at his age should be about 15 minutes.