It sounds like the relationship is coming to an end.
He's a parent. At the end of the day, he has to think about what is best for his children. That doesn't mean he lied about loving you.

Most parents will never choose a SO over their minor children.

Sweetie, I think you know it's over. I totally understand where you are coming from though, he should be thanking his lucky stars that you are in his life and willing to take on his kids, but he oh-so-easily is willing to let you walk away without a fight.
Prioritizing your kids over your SO is a recipe for disaster, and that is exactly what he is doing. For your own sanity and well-being, do NOT accept this as your life. You sound like a strong, intelligent person and there is someone so much better for you out there. It sucks at the moment, I am living it as well, but it is a HUGE sigh of relief with the stress of the skids gone...even though going to bed alone SUCKS.

Being in a toxic relationship can be much more lonely than hanging solo.

My goodness he really isn't positive at all... have you thought about the point of view that its in the kids best interest to start being aware of their surroundings? Not to mention and this to me a while to get through to BF as well. A family needs to be a family that does not change because your a stepmom. You need respect as do the children and you work together to make that happen young or old. Tell him how you feel about the respect and love. Really he is showing neither his children nor is he showing you any kind of respect nor is he showing his home respect it sounds like some disrespectful ppl. My SD 6 is starting to learn about slamming and not leaving messes around it is called proper behavior.

It's not choosing SO over kids, it's all about priority and responsibility, IMO.

Kids are your #1 responsibility.
Your marriage, your partner is your #1 priority

There is no choosing sides or choosing kids over a so. It is that he doesn't want to parent and has no intentions of parenting and he is making it clear to you that he wont. So you need to ask yourself can you live with his kids that he refuses to parent? I think you know the answer.

Let him go, he is willing to, so it is not as you had hoped.

Let him use someone else!! There are many fish in the sea dear.

I don't think choosing YOU over the kids was really an option OR even what you were looking for. I think if he REALLY wanted to make this work, he would find a way to make it work, for all of you. You don't want to be with someone that chooses a spouse or SO, over their own kids... but you can't be expected to be treated like crap in the mean time. There is a happy medium and a way to make it all balance. He isn't even considering that though.

TIME TO SWITCH SCHOOLS!!!

So he's not willing to make his kids pick up the dangling toilet paper in order to please his significant other AND with the added bonus of making his children more responsible people?

Wow-I don't get people-I really don't. Asking someone to pick up the toilet paper is not the same as living in fear-tiptoeing around the house. It's just about teaching kids to be responsible. I ask my kids constantly to do things-turn off the lights, throw away trash, fold the laundry, pick up their crap, be quiet, don't argue, and on and on and on. How on earth do they learn otherwise if I don't tell them what the expectation is?

I agree with purpledaisies....he is not going to 'raise' his kids, he is letting them 'grow' up by theirselves, really. He is telling you that he isn't going to put any effort into molding them into productive, responsible, conscientious adults. I'm sure he probably did love you, but there is a difference between loving someone when it's easy to do so and loving someone through 'real' life. Sucks but you are better off moving onward and upward. A real man isn't too afraid or lazy to work at life.

I have worked with some parents who have chosen their children over their SO in regards to situations like this. I'm sad to say that their relationships with their children have not tuned out well. Once the children are adults they tend to either use this parent while affording them little respect or they leave and don't keep in contact, unless they want something. Just wanted to put that out there as I think we sometime believe that children are forever and spouse are optional. All relationships are optional and once children are older they can make a choice. Children who walk all over their parents usually do not chose the parent in the end.

However, this does not seem to be a matter of choice but of the father and you being on the same page. What are the clear cut expectations of a child living in your home? These expectations might differ based on age. These must be expectations that you BOTH are willing and able to enforce. If you can gather this list, communicate it to the children and then enforce them, perhaps you can let some of the small stuff go. For example, if you both agree that everyone picks up after their own messes and this is enforced then maybe it would be easier to deal a slamming drawer.

{{{{Hugs}}}}
Honey,
Look through your blogs, he's been trying to get you to leave him for weeks. Let go. He's just not that into you.

Sorry theripst but I refuse to let any of my kids step or not slam my drawers or doors or any if the like. It is disrespectful and just teaches the kid still they can call shots in my home that I pay for not them!

I'm a mean momma when it comes to respect but of course I am also real as I make sure my kids can talk to me about anything and have proven that when all 5 kids confide in me about difficult things and I help guide them through that.

But they know that disrespect is something I refuse to tolerate.

^^^^ good point