Now that you're grown, you can probably nuture a relationship with them yourself if you really want to. It's not even really up to the parents anymore at this point.

How your dad doesn't want to stand up for you and say that you guys matter too? I have no idea how a parent can forget about their own child.

Why doesn't you stepmother confided you her kids and embrace you as her own? Because you are not her child. I came I to my skids lives when they were 3.5 and 2.5. We got full custody when they were 3.5 and 4.5....so I've watched them grow up from little kids too. But that doesn't make them mine. That doesn't make me want to share every moment of my own kids lives with two other kids.

7 and 10 are not that little either. I don't know how you guys behaved towards her or her relationship with your biomo, or how you guys got along with her son. All of those thing will affect how she perceived you and your siblings.

I have been here. My Dad moved in with my "stepmom" when I was 13. My 3 older sister were grown, but I was still very much a kid. This woman completely segregated our families. He daughter had her own room at their house, but she lived mostly with her dad. I never had a room at my dads house. Not even a drawer. If I ever stayed the night there it was because he was taking me somewhere (probably Disneyland) the next day and I slept on the couch. He was with her for 18 years. She not only watched me grow from a child to a young adult, she also watched me get married and have 2 kids, all the while pulling my dad as far away from us as possible. Broke my heart. I finally put my foot down one night (I admit, I had a few to drink) and told him exactly how I felt. It caused a little tension between him and I at first, but it passed... and so did she (she didn't die, my dad kicked her out) She caused so many issues between my dad and I (and my sisters) that we had no relationship at all for many years. He was sick of it, and so were we. Once I pointed it out, he was able to identify it. Up until then, he believed her stories of what rotten kids we were because we never come around. When I told him we didn't because of HER and how she treated us, he woke up real quick my dad is one of my best friends.

I have two adult steps. I married their dad when they were already out of the house (well, one boomeranged back). Do I love them like my own? No, but I care about them. Do they drive me crazy sometimes? Yes, no doubt about it. So do my own. But they are generally polite, sometimes downright friendly. I do support my DH's relationship with them, and I guess my presence has altered some of that. But some of his behavior (notice this is DH's behavior, not the steps) was difficult for me to deal with, so I asked for and received some changes.

I do consider my steps part of my own family. If I lost DH, would we keep in touch? I dunno. I hope so. But, yes, they are family.

I'm a BM and was a step to 5 boys. Some were older and two were younger when I met their dad. Did I feel about them the same way as my DD, NO...it is just different, they are not my children and they did not live with us full time. And they had a mom of their own, I didn't need to be their mom. Their dad is now passed and I do have contact with most of them and their children. But you cannot blame your step mom for your dad not having enough contact with you, that was up to him.

Step moms are often the scapegoat for adult kids issues with bio parent. Not fair to the step parent at all! Stop blaming her. Dad is a full grown adult who can make his own decisions.

My relationship with my father is between me & him, not me, him & SM, once I came to understand this, I quit blaming her, I wish for her to go forth be happy & prosper. She has no control over me or my Father, his actions & choices are his own. When we had a little heart to heart I laid it on the line for him. I had blamed her for years, it wasn't her, it was him, he's a grown man and made his choices. I take my part of the blame in it, but I lay his part on him now and not my SM.

I have surrounded myself with the people I know care about me and I care about them, some are my blood family some are not, but I love them no less. I don't consider my SM family, no more than she considers me hers. I don't consider my Dad family, I'm his daughter but were not family. I'm a reminder of a life he didn't want, I accept that, and it's ok. Did I want things to be different, of course, but they are what they are.