Question... How are the finances handles between you and you DH, SO, Etc.
There has been some major strain on my financial relationship with DH lately. Mostly the fact that there is so much money going out every month. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty coming in to cover it, but it is such a shock to see it go so fast. My DH is an owner/operator of a semi and dump trailer he hauls coal with. That means that all of the work, parts, keep-up of the truck gets done by my DH and paid for with the money he makes from driving the truck. I also work, but I do not make near as much money as DH.
The major problem is that he will justify big purchases as things he "needs for the truck". I feel as though I can't argue with him about it or disagree because he makes a mojority of our income, but then I feel guilty for buying ANYTHING (including indulging while grocery shopping) even though I contribute as well. I get stressed out about money all of the time. I want to be paying down our debt and saving and he wants a new this and a new that, and not things that we could use as a family (like a new bathtub).
He decided that since I get so stressed out that he is only allowing part of his paycheck to be deposited in our account and the rest he will put back for whatever he needs. He didn't even talk to me about it. He just made the decision. It pisses me off because I am the one buying everything we need for our home and the kids and what happens if there is an emergency and I don't have the money to cover what is needed? Yet all of this cash is just sitting in his own account "waiting" for something to happen to his truck.
So my question is, how do you all handle your financial relationship with your spouse?
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if this is what he wants then
if this is what he wants then you guys need to agree on what percentage each of you will take and put into the "house" account and each of you need to start seperate accounts where you can keep the other amounts seperated.
i personally do the mortage and 1/2 groceries and all needs for my DD's, he does utilities and 1/2 groceries and all the things for his DD.
we have seperate bank accounts
and then i have a hidden bank account as well...shhhh
I that would be the perfect
I that would be the perfect scenario. As long as my DH pays for the things for th etruck out of the truck account. The problem is thta he wants to put the money away for when something happens specifically to the truck, not to help pay for all of the EXTRAS he WANTS for the stupid thing.
Your situation sounds exactly
Your situation sounds exactly like mine. Maybe I can sit him down and hash it out to work like yours does. Thanks for the input
Everything is separate for
Everything is separate for us. No fighting over money at all...One join credit card used for household stuff. I pay for my kid and he pays for his. We have a joint savings and only put money in it to save for vacations or large purchases. We both contribute the max to retirement and the intention is to combine the money after the kids are long gone....
We split everything for the house and at the end of the month I write him a check for my half.
That would be ok if I made
That would be ok if I made enough money to split everything. After paying for daycare for our girls and my truck and gas and a few other things. There isn't much left out of my pays.
Are you sure some of this
Are you sure some of this isn't just jealousy over his ability to spend more money at will than you? There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend money in ways that are fun and that aren't practical every now and then, for both him and you. Just because you have guilt doesn't mean he should. It seems to me like you are trying to make him feel guilty for the same things you feel guilty about.
He's probably interpretting your actions as, "My DW is paranoid about money and it stresses her out. So I should remove her from as much of the finances as possible so she sees it and thinks about it as little as possible. This will make her happier and therefore make me happier." He shouldn't have done something that big without talking it over with you though. That's where he screwed up. You both need to make big financial decisions together and come to an agreement.
I don't feel jealous. It
I don't feel jealous. It makes me angry that he wouldn't help to pay down the debt that his actions in the past has caused. It isn't all my own debt so why should I be the one to pay it all off? Why am I the only one that wants a better future for us and the kids? That is how I see it. He sees it as I am a nagging wife.
Aww, but you don't really see
Aww, but you don't really see it as that way or you wouldn't be with him. You know he cares about the future and you and the kids.
If it is debt from him for him - then he pays.
If it is debt from you for you - then you pay.
If it is debt for something that benefits the family then you share the expense.
His company expenses should be paid by his company's earnings.
If there's a large disparity in income it makes more sense to be totally joint on finances so you don't feel so poor and like you have to "ask" for money. Separate seems to work best if you are both on equal footing financially.
Why don't you have one personal account that is joint and put all the income into that and pay the personal expenses from that? His company income goes into his business account and his business expenses also come from that. If he wants to do extras for his truck out of the personal then he had better clear it with you and make sure it doesn't hurt vacations, kid activities, mortgage, etc. As long as he can be responsible it shouldn't matter if that's what he chooses to put his personal "play money" towards. You might use yours on shoes, doing your hair, or books while he does his on his truck.
However, if he's bad with money and has the bad credit to prove it then protect yourself and don't be joint on him with anything. It might be harder but keep the finances separate and look for ways to be do whatever it takes to make more in the future.
This is right on the lines of
This is right on the lines of what I have come up with. I decided to go to dinner this weekedn and sit down and come up with a plan. Thanks for your advice!
They are good now, but when
They are good now, but when he was paying CS, they were still ok (not great, but ok) because I worked, as does he. Both of us have always worked. We've always both put aside 75% of our paychecks to cover needs (house, food, clothes, heat/AC for both us and kids). BM formerly had custody, but now that we do, the $200 a month she sends us is spent on the kids. What it covers varies. Sometimes it covers lunch money. It also helps with medical costs, stuff they need for school, etc.
DH and I have, have always had, and will always have separate bank accounts.
Same with AnaR. Joint &
Same with AnaR. Joint & separate.
Though I wish I were this detailed about mine as she is with hers---damn good tip for me so thanks for posting MotherTrucker. We used to have joint everything but then became so frustrating because we both earned equally but his expenses were greater because of legal crap, SS, CS. All his problems are no longer mine & soon it will be another rent. He sooo appreciates me more now, he sees I AM his better half
Have you thought about
Have you thought about separating finances? I mean, if he has debt that you were not involved in, why should your little bit of income be used for that?
Split all household evenly, each pay your OWN bills, put away x amount that you both agree on for a rainy day and then he can flush the rest down the toilet if he wants.
Have you ever thought about attending a Dave Ramsey class?
I also don't think it is right for him to be making such a huge decision without informing you first. I mean, what if YOU didn't pay the household bills and went and bought the damn tub instead without consulting him first????
That was my argument in the
That was my argument in the last fight we had about it! He just said "well I know you wouldn't do that"
I agree. I have since talked
I agree. I have since talked to DH and agreed that he set money aside for the truck so long as we are not putting off paying bills to do so.