Despite telling me every single day this week that they behaved and had good days at school, both skids came home with behavior notes of Friday in their weekly behavior folder. I'm not surprised. Dh calls on his break everyday when I pick up the skids and asks me how their days were....I say I don't know I didn t ask. He gets prissy and has me ask them for him. I don't ask because I don't believe what they say anyways...this is why. Neither of those kids would ever fess up to anything that wasn't in writing that they needed to get signed. So what's the point of even asking if they just lie. But I do it because dh is the one asking. And of coarse they lied right to my face.
So their standard punishment is sit on their beds and think about their behavior Friday evening until dinner then shower and bed. Then they get no TV the rest of the weekend. So I had them on their beds Friday. Dh calls me on his next break, after the kids are asleep, to tell me he had something to tell me but I couldn't get mad. Made me promise not to yell at him before he told me.....so I instantly knew it was something to do with the skids. Sil called and he told her she could take the skids on Saturday to a few parties she was going to. He said he knows he shouldn't let them go because they behaved badly in school but he doesn't want to keep punishing our BSs by being stuck in the house while the skids are being punished every weekend. I was annoyed, but he knows what buttons to push with me so I said fine and told him where I was going to take the bios on Saturday. He gets upset....ask why I am not staying home to spend time with him before he leaves for work (he works second shift so leaves at 2 on Saturdays). Mum, didn't you just say that you only let the skids go with sil so our boys werent stuck in the house all day.....but now your asking us to stay home all day while the skids are out having fun at parties?!?! He backed down on that plan.
He called us as we were getting ready to head home and said he called off work to spend the afternoon with us. Then he came clean that sil decided to keep the skids over night and he couldn't find any PJs to bring her so he needed me to find them. So he was going to go to work...but couldn't find the PJs for the skids so he stayed home to he could bring them to sil. But we ended up going out just the 4 of us and it was really nice. Bs3 got his dads undivided attention all afternoon. We had a nice quiet evening as a family.
Sunday we went out and spend the day together. All day. It was great. Dh was the man I married again. He was engaged with both our boys, he was relaxed, joking around with me. All the aggitation and tension that usually he has when we are all out together was gone. Normally he is looking for any excuse to cut the putting short and go home....he was happy to whatever we wanted all day...actually suggestions other thing to go do.
Bs3 kept calling Sunday "Family day" and "Daddy Day". He really needed that. He's been getting very sad over dh never doing things with us...is usually just me and the boys going places. And if he does come the skids usually completely monopolize his attention and time. Bs3 kept asking for family hugs and family snuggles....it was so cute. Maybe it makes me a horrible person, but it makes me happy that bs3 sees his family as me, dh, and bs-11 months....not the skids.
We got home and dh passed out on the couch. When the skids came home is reminded them about no TV this weekend and to go play in their rooms. They both stomp off.
When dh wakes up he immediately goes and tells them that they can watch TV and play their tablets....but that they better not come home with any more behavior notes. I question him on it a little later and he said he wasn't going to punish them after a weekend of them being out and about and having fun. His kids, he can do what he wants....but really?!? Then he will be fully surprised when they act like jackels again this week in school.
The part of it all that just pisses me off to no end... Is that once again I am made out to be the bad guy, even though I am o lay doing what he has told me to do/ we agreed on. I put them on punishement on Friday....dh takes them off as soon as he woke up on Sat. Aunt gives them this amazing weekend of parties and candy and sleep over. I put them back on punishment on Sunday (by saying no tv) and dh come to their rescue by taking them right off punishment as soon as he woke up. I was consulted on none of it, and just left hanging out to dry.
So great weekend on the surface, but all the stuff lingering on the periferals kind of taints it.
Gosh, this made me so sad. I'm happy the boys had fun with dad, but even that made me sad to an extent because it doesn't seem to be something they get to enjoy often (daddy's time).
I would have a really hard time doing all that you do, honestly. DH made the mistake of telling me that he doesn't want to discipline his daughter when she's here because he doesn't want her to be "uncomfortable". With that and some other issues I had, I decided to disengage fully. She was completely his responsibility. He has stepped up more and I wonder at times if I should re-engage but I don't want him to get. comfortable with me playing a role and "falling back" or deciding that I "hate her" because I expect her to follow the same rules as our son.
Have you ever tried at least partially disengaging? I don't know what to say except that your DH needs to decide what he wants and stick with it.
Yeah, the boys don't get a lot of daddy's attention. It breaks my heart. I honestly think that deep down he doesn't like the skids any more than I do, but that makes him feel guilty so he over compensates the other way. He is absolutely miserable when they are around....and so happy and carefree when they are gone. He'd deny it vehemently if I ever brought it up, but I really think its true. He loves the idea of SS and SD....but the people that they actually are are not pleasant o be around.
I am partially disengaged...and I think that is what tipped my dhs attention so far in favor or the skids. My kids get 100% of me and I really only do require stuff for the skids. I get them from school, I feed them I talk just enough to be polite etc. So dh seems to be focusing on them more to even it all out I guess. So on one hand I feel bad demanding more attention for me and our kids....since I am not giving the skids that attention.
But the skids are leaving for 12 weeks this summer so I am really excited about that. Three months of it just being my family at home.
I hope that you enjoy the 3 months away from the skids and that your DH doesn't end up feeling "guilty" having fun since the skids. aren't there/haven't been there for a while. Your DH also has to realize that only 2 of the children in the home are yours, but they're all his - so he needs to figure out how he's going to be an involved dad with all of his children.
Comments
Despite telling me every
Despite telling me every single day this week that they behaved and had good days at school, both skids came home with behavior notes of Friday in their weekly behavior folder. I'm not surprised. Dh calls on his break everyday when I pick up the skids and asks me how their days were....I say I don't know I didn t ask. He gets prissy and has me ask them for him. I don't ask because I don't believe what they say anyways...this is why. Neither of those kids would ever fess up to anything that wasn't in writing that they needed to get signed. So what's the point of even asking if they just lie. But I do it because dh is the one asking. And of coarse they lied right to my face.
So their standard punishment is sit on their beds and think about their behavior Friday evening until dinner then shower and bed. Then they get no TV the rest of the weekend. So I had them on their beds Friday. Dh calls me on his next break, after the kids are asleep, to tell me he had something to tell me but I couldn't get mad. Made me promise not to yell at him before he told me.....so I instantly knew it was something to do with the skids. Sil called and he told her she could take the skids on Saturday to a few parties she was going to. He said he knows he shouldn't let them go because they behaved badly in school but he doesn't want to keep punishing our BSs by being stuck in the house while the skids are being punished every weekend. I was annoyed, but he knows what buttons to push with me so I said fine and told him where I was going to take the bios on Saturday. He gets upset....ask why I am not staying home to spend time with him before he leaves for work (he works second shift so leaves at 2 on Saturdays). Mum, didn't you just say that you only let the skids go with sil so our boys werent stuck in the house all day.....but now your asking us to stay home all day while the skids are out having fun at parties?!?! He backed down on that plan.
He called us as we were getting ready to head home and said he called off work to spend the afternoon with us. Then he came clean that sil decided to keep the skids over night and he couldn't find any PJs to bring her so he needed me to find them. So he was going to go to work...but couldn't find the PJs for the skids so he stayed home to he could bring them to sil. But we ended up going out just the 4 of us and it was really nice. Bs3 got his dads undivided attention all afternoon. We had a nice quiet evening as a family.
Sunday we went out and spend the day together. All day. It was great. Dh was the man I married again. He was engaged with both our boys, he was relaxed, joking around with me. All the aggitation and tension that usually he has when we are all out together was gone. Normally he is looking for any excuse to cut the putting short and go home....he was happy to whatever we wanted all day...actually suggestions other thing to go do.
Bs3 kept calling Sunday "Family day" and "Daddy Day". He really needed that. He's been getting very sad over dh never doing things with us...is usually just me and the boys going places. And if he does come the skids usually completely monopolize his attention and time. Bs3 kept asking for family hugs and family snuggles....it was so cute. Maybe it makes me a horrible person, but it makes me happy that bs3 sees his family as me, dh, and bs-11 months....not the skids.
We got home and dh passed out on the couch. When the skids came home is reminded them about no TV this weekend and to go play in their rooms. They both stomp off.
When dh wakes up he immediately goes and tells them that they can watch TV and play their tablets....but that they better not come home with any more behavior notes. I question him on it a little later and he said he wasn't going to punish them after a weekend of them being out and about and having fun. His kids, he can do what he wants....but really?!? Then he will be fully surprised when they act like jackels again this week in school.
The part of it all that just pisses me off to no end... Is that once again I am made out to be the bad guy, even though I am o lay doing what he has told me to do/ we agreed on. I put them on punishement on Friday....dh takes them off as soon as he woke up on Sat. Aunt gives them this amazing weekend of parties and candy and sleep over. I put them back on punishment on Sunday (by saying no tv) and dh come to their rescue by taking them right off punishment as soon as he woke up. I was consulted on none of it, and just left hanging out to dry.
So great weekend on the surface, but all the stuff lingering on the periferals kind of taints it.
Gosh, this made me so sad.
Gosh, this made me so sad. I'm happy the boys had fun with dad, but even that made me sad to an extent because it doesn't seem to be something they get to enjoy often (daddy's time).
I would have a really hard time doing all that you do, honestly. DH made the mistake of telling me that he doesn't want to discipline his daughter when she's here because he doesn't want her to be "uncomfortable". With that and some other issues I had, I decided to disengage fully. She was completely his responsibility. He has stepped up more and I wonder at times if I should re-engage but I don't want him to get. comfortable with me playing a role and "falling back" or deciding that I "hate her" because I expect her to follow the same rules as our son.
Have you ever tried at least partially disengaging? I don't know what to say except that your DH needs to decide what he wants and stick with it.
Yeah, the boys don't get a
Yeah, the boys don't get a lot of daddy's attention. It breaks my heart. I honestly think that deep down he doesn't like the skids any more than I do, but that makes him feel guilty so he over compensates the other way. He is absolutely miserable when they are around....and so happy and carefree when they are gone. He'd deny it vehemently if I ever brought it up, but I really think its true. He loves the idea of SS and SD....but the people that they actually are are not pleasant o be around.
I am partially disengaged...and I think that is what tipped my dhs attention so far in favor or the skids. My kids get 100% of me and I really only do require stuff for the skids. I get them from school, I feed them I talk just enough to be polite etc. So dh seems to be focusing on them more to even it all out I guess. So on one hand I feel bad demanding more attention for me and our kids....since I am not giving the skids that attention.
But the skids are leaving for 12 weeks this summer so I am really excited about that. Three months of it just being my family at home.
I hope that you enjoy the 3
I hope that you enjoy the 3 months away from the skids and that your DH doesn't end up feeling "guilty" having fun since the skids. aren't there/haven't been there for a while. Your DH also has to realize that only 2 of the children in the home are yours, but they're all his - so he needs to figure out how he's going to be an involved dad with all of his children.