You are here

Please help me. I'm not an official SM but I hope I'm still welcome here.

to much to soon's picture

Submitted by to much to soon on Tue, 04/02/2013 - 8:26am

Hi I'm not sure where to start. I just turned 21 I am the mother of two, two year old twins a boy and girl. My life’s joy. I have a lot on my plate. I work and go to school and take care of them on my own the best way I know how. I am also trying to find love. I met this amazing guy who has a 5 year old son. This guy is everything he is sweet, kind, sexy, funny, and he goes to church every Sunday and wants to remain celibate until marriage. The only problem is he keeps telling me he is not in love with me and we have been dating for over a year. He tells me there are things I need to change about myself so that one day he will fall in love with me.

Then there is the twins' father. He is always drinking smoking marijuana and cursing with his buddies. It seems he only wants the twins around just to show that he has cute little toys. The last time I brought the twins over to his house he had some girl come to the door in nothing but a t-shirt with a cigarette in hand saying she would watch them until he came home from the store. He did not use to be this way he has gotten much worse. We broke up because he told me T.B.H if God let him choose any girl in the world it would not be me and I have to prove to him I'm the one. He also would not stop talking and hanging with his ex-girlfriends and telling his friends everything we do in bed.

I am disgusted at myself because I still feel a little love for my ex and a lot of love for my boyfriend. But neither of them really loves me. Why is it that all guys tell me I need to change? I really want to be a good mom and I want love also.

I know maybe this is not the right place to be venting this since I am not a real SM. I'm sorry.

Comments

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Tue, 04/02/2013 - 9:00am

The best way to be a good mom is to drop these losers and keep them away from your kids.
The only thing you need to change is how you view yourself. Clearly, you do not see your self worth. NO MAN will EVER be able to give you that. Walk away from any man who tells you you need to change in order for him to love you.
A man that loves you, will LOVE everything about you, even the quirks.

Sunflower1's picture

Submitted by Sunflower1 on Tue, 04/02/2013 - 9:03am

Welcome to the board. If your boyfriend says he does not love you and that you need to change in order for him to love you you should ditch him now. As for your ex, he seems to be the same. With only knowing part of your situation, I think you need to get some counseling to find out why you are being attracted to men who reject you. Work on yourself, finish school and wait for a man that will love you.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Tue, 04/02/2013 - 9:12am

Focus on your babies and finish your school. Love can wait, you have enough on your plate. Very few people in your age bracket are mature enough or emotionally ready to help your raise toddlers....or even be a good partner. Work on getting g your life in order and when you are ready to really date the dating pool will be much better for you and your kids.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Tue, 04/02/2013 - 9:23am

Look into a mommy group or a MOPS group in your area. You can find support and companionship in other places than a boyfriend. And really.....how much support are you really getting from these two guys. Other moms will help you feel less lonely and will give you far Kore support than immature guys who make you feel bad about yourself.

StepX2's picture

Submitted by StepX2 on Tue, 04/02/2013 - 11:13am

Oh my dear, you do have too much too soon going on but regardless, everyone that posted above has given you good advice.
You really do need to make you and your babies the #1 priority right now. You do sound like you have some self-esteem issues and I hope you do get some help with that but if you can't make yourself a priority, PLEASE make your kids a priority.

They need you right now more than you need to be in a relationship. It would be nice to have love but you really don't want to settle for anything less than the best. So many young women have such a poor view of themselves that they allow relationships that are horrible and perpetuate their feeling of no worth.

Please concentrate on being a wonderful mommy to your precious babies right now because they only have you making decisions that will affect their life. You only have one chance in life to be a good mom but all of your life for love. Who knows, you may find love when you least expect it and not even looking for it, but please get your self worth issues right so that you will only allow a worthy man in your life. A man who loves you as you!