I'm learning from practice and from this site, if I want change I have to change my own behavior. Since my blowup with SO last weekend I've tried to think of ways I can assert myself more, and not seem like a mean cold-hearted bitch.

I don't always like to eat dinner with SO and SS, not everyday. SO hated this. And told me he didn't care if I ever ate dinner with him again. Two days later I'm getting a text: "kabobs tonight if you like." So instead of refusing to eat with him I replied with three rules I created for family dinner time:

1) I will not be under observation or evaluation, this is dinner, not a test.

2) Neither this family dinner, nor any other family dinner will become ammunition in our next argument. (He complains I don't talk enough to SS at dinner.)

3) Dinner will not be used as an example of how sucky a stepmom I am.

SO responded, Okay.

Although I didn't tell SO this, I made a commitment to myself to at least try to have small talk with SS16 at dinner time, as awkward as it is.

I've previously written about how SS16 always interrupts conversations between SO and me. And SO lets him, and immediately responds to SS. This happened earlier today when SO and I were talking about our date tonight.

Me: So I thought we could go to--

SS: Daad!

SO: Whaat?

Me: (Thinking, oh no he di'n't) Hang on a minute SS, I'm talking to your dad.

SS: Okay.

Me: Thank you!

It's a long road ahead, but at least this weekend, I'm not ready to throw in the towel. Need to take this week by week.

Meanwhile, I look forward to lots of good advice from you all, it's really helped.