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i knee this is what she will would say...but it still hurts

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 12:36pm

Dh just called, he talked to mil. She doesn't want to come meet our boys. Just wants dh to bring the skids to her. And she has taken back the offer to pay for some of their tickets up.

I just don't get it. My kids are her biological grandkids...same as the skids. Yet they are less than dirt to her and the skids are made of gold.

Comments

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 12:37pm

I'd say, if she wants to see them, she has to pay.

No WAY is that fair, the blatant favoritism. What does your DH think of her snubbing her two youngest grandkids??? Isn't he JUST as hurt??

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 12:59pm

Thanks Sad sometimes I feel like I am in the twig light zone.... Everyone else just acts like its normal. Dh is completely unfazed by the fact that his mom doesn't give a shit about two of his kids. Our older son is almost FOUR....He will be four when the skids go up...FOUR. four years and she's never met him. We've offered free tickets to her multiple time...she doesn't work.....yet she says no every time.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 12:45pm

Then the GM needs to be totally erased from your lives. period. If she wants to see "only her first gkids" then she needs to arrange that thru the BM. If the BM is not around then she just needs to "eat crap and die."

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 1:07pm

Thanks...I like the eat crap and die line. That's where I am with file and step mil...so I guess I have to add mil to that group.

Kills me though. My kids only have my parents as grandparent...and they treat all the kids the same.... Yet the skids have my parents, their birth moms (rarely, but still), bms parents, mil, fil and step mil.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 3:37pm

For the next big occasion that your parents normally buy something for all kids, have them buy just for YOUR bios.

When DH has a fit (and you know these Disney Dads always do) ask him how it is any different than what HIS mother does?

Stepmom_Lori's picture

Submitted by Stepmom_Lori on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 12:57pm

What a disgusting human being. You're better off with her not in your bios lives. It's still sad though and I would be heartbroken if my MIL had no interest in my babies.

I know that you look forward to the skids visit away but you may want to reconsider. In a few years when your boys are old enough to realize, they may begin to ask why Grandma only wants SD and SS for visits and has never even met them. If I were in your shoes I'd be damned if I let this woman make my children feel unloved or unwanted. I would just cut off ties between her and the skids completely until she was able to stop with the blatant favoritism.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 1:04pm

I've weighed the pros and cons of having them gone for the summer and having them stay. And while I do think them going is what's best for me and my kids, it doesn't really matter. Dh will do what he wants to do no matter what I say. We decide on things together about the slid and he will go do whatever he wants in the end anyways.

They are "our" responsibility when work is involved or money has to be paid...but they are "his" kids when decisions are to be made.

BahamaMama's picture

Submitted by BahamaMama on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 1:12pm

WOW. I'm soooo sorry to hear that. My MIL (disowned now by her bio son and our family) was OBSESSED (seriously borderline psycho when it came to her) with my now SD. POSSESSIVE and they bullied their son(my husband) to keep control and the upper hand with her. They could give a CRAP about MY son which is also her Bio GS. I'm really so sorry, but sometimes it's just nice to know you're not the only one.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 1:24pm

I don't think she has feelings for SS bm one way or the other. And DESPISES SD bm.

She liked me right up until dh and I got married. I guess I was only good enough in her eyes to play house and spend my money on her grandkids...but not good enough to be a part of the family.

dragonfly5's picture

Submitted by dragonfly5 on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 1:47pm

I am so sick and tired hearing about these selfish MIL's. What the ?????? What is wrong with these people? Why can't they do what is right for their own child. How does this woman thinks this makes her son feel or you for that matter.

My first MIL was a BITC*! I will never, go through that again. I am blessed this time I a getting a very strong personality MIL but she LOVES me! And my FIL think I am the best thing that has ever happened to their family.

My Biod was dating a bi racial doctor, for a while. FDH's family is prejudice. No other way to put it. I told FDH that I would not put my daughter through a difficult situation with his family because they are ignorant.

He looked at me and said this is my families issue and they have to deal with the choices and consequences they choose. We meaning all of us, him and his kids and me an my daughter would not be spending any holiday's over at his parents house if bd30 chooses to marry the Doctor.

That he would simply tell them that we will be spending the holidays together without them because they choose to hang onto their ignorant idea's. I cannot fix or change how they feel and I have accepted that fact. But I am also not going to put myself or my daughter in an uncomfortable situation.

Sue2 is right she can demand, or say whatever she wants. It is how your DH responds to it that matters.

You just can't fix stupid.

LittlePanda's picture

Submitted by LittlePanda on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 1:46pm

In a perfect world your husband would put his foot down. He would tell her, "Look, you will not pick favorites and you will not see some of my children and ignore others. Until you can act like a decent person and accept my wife, my children, YOUR GRANDCHILDREN, you will not be seeing ANY of us, including skids."

It just isn't fair. How old are your boys?? When I was pregnant I feared MIL playing favorites and my husband promised me the above if she ever did. I hope that your husband can find the strength to do the same for you and your bios.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 2:06pm

My boys are 3,almost 4, and 9 months.

At this point I am so over dhs whole family...I dont even concider them to be my kids family anymore.

But dh won't stand up to any of them....so he just continues to let them fawn all over the skids and ignore our kids. I have no control over it. It honestly doesn't phase him in the slightest.

Jshep's picture

Submitted by Jshep on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 2:25pm

Have you ever thought about sending pics, having the kids draw pictures etc for your MIL? I would send her stuff left and right about my kids. Force them on her if she won't have anything to do with them. If she won't come see them, send her stuff. Have your son draw a picture. Send her it with a card that says something like "I can't wait to meet you someday Grandma." Make that bitch feel like the piece of shit she is!! I'd remind her all the time that she has 2 other grandkids, whether she wanted to acknowledge them or not. F her. Don't put it on your DH. Stand up for YOUR kids yourself! Then at least you know that you tried, and she can never say that you didn't put forth an effort for her to know the kids. Since you know how wonderful your kids are, I'd make sure she does too! Smile

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 2:54pm

Well, Ive already shared my thoughts that your mil is a raging bitch. And I am beginning to think your dh is a royal asshole.

Your kids WILL question you one day why they have a grandmother they've never met, but yet, this same grandma takes their siblings for weeks in the summer. Just as my kids have pondered at various moments, "Why doesnt grandma like me?". It's a hard one to explain as I simply dont feel it is age appropriate to say, "your grandma is a psycho bitch, honey". You will have a hard time even trying to say well, grandma is just too busy, not a very nice person, isnt good with kids or any of the other excuses you could potentially come up with because then your children will of course ask why skids can go there and why you and your dh are both seemingly ok with it.

I feel like you need to pin your dh down and ask him how he plans to answer these questions. If he wants his own bio children treated like second class citizens. Perhaps ask him why he thinks your mil acts this way. He's got to have some sort of theory. And frankly, if your dh thinks your good enough to help raise and support, cook, clean for the skids but is really going to give you no say in the decision making? oh, hell no-I would tell him the skid are all his to take care of, he can cook his own damn dinner and sleep on the couch because quite frankly he is treating you as a second class citizen as well.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 3:57pm

Maybe its my self doubt creeping .... But what would I even demand of dh? I sure a fuck don't want to send my kids with mil for the summer. I don't want the skid home with me all summer. Dh can't force her to care. I can't force her to spend money on my kids. I can't force her to visit.

The more I think about it the more I realize that this family will never work in then long term. My mom made a comment a little bit ago about SS turning 11 how I almost had a teenager and he'd be driving soon. My first thought was no, I don't almost have a teenager, dh does and no way in hell I'll still be here when he gets his licence. That thought actually shocked me that I was so sure that I would be gone by then.