Shower Watch 2013 came to a head last night and DH screamed at me in front of the kids.
Dh overslept and missed work yesterday. So instead of the usual me picking all the kids up, he got the older three from daycsre and I got the baby from the nanny.
Once he had them he called to let me know that bs3 had a fantastic day at school and was going to get takeout as a reward. And he mentions... It'll be good cause the kids will be fed and bathed by the time you get home. And I know I probably shouldn't have said anything, but I said....good esp since S's and SD haven't bathed in over a week.
He is outraged and begins to flip on his kids for being nasty. They start to give some bs excuses and dh cuts them off. And then...decided to take his frustrations out on me over the phone. Screaming at me that I neglect his kids and he passed that I was on top of this as the mother and its fucked up that I only take care of bs3 and the baby. I held my ground on the phone and refused to get drawn into the argument. I stayed calm and pointed out that he was the one to tell them that they were responsible for bathing everyday and the dh was home all but two of the days in question.... So if he blames anyone for not making sure they showered to blame himself. He hung up on me.
I get home 20 minutes later with the baby and the only one to greet me is bs3. He's clearly pissy, but not out of control anymore. As I am putting my stuff down he gets a call from the pharmacy that his prescription is ready (Viagra) and suddenly his whole demeanor changes. He's happy and playfully tries to make up...telling me that he's giving me a one time oportuntiy for a forgiveness kiss and that he wouldnt he mad anymore. I give him a lackluster kiss on the cheek....then politely (bs3 was watching us) lay in to him. Told him to never speak to me like that again...that its his kids own fault for being nasty time and time again. He tried to argue back and I cut him to right off "no, you don't get to speak. I took you up on your offer of a kiss so that you would forgive and not be mad. You for fitted your right to any grievsnces , now you get to listen and earn my forgiveness. YOU are the one that told them to shower everyday and YOU are the one who told them that they are expected to just do it and that they wouldn't get reminders anymore. YOU were home Wednesday , thusdsy, Saturday Sunday and Monday and knew those kids didn't shower. And you were also the one in charge and knowingly let them not bathe for ten days while I was away. YOU!....but I'm a guy..... I don't want to hear that crap. Oh, and cut this crap where you yell at me instead of those kids when they mess up cause I am sick of it. Every time they do the wrong thing I get yelled at instead of them. Todayconcthe phone, this weekend when SD put on ten gallons of perfume. Instead of telling her something you snap at me, in front of her, that I obviously haven't taught her. Or when S's was being lazy about his room instead of backing me up you tell me to stop being snag and nitpicking the kids. That's why they don't listen to me and don't respect me. They walk away from that and see it as all my fault and that they are blamelessness. Right now what they got from this whole thing is that mean sm neglects them and they take no responsibility. In their minds its all my fault..... That's how they take it? YES!!!!! And I'm sick of it!
And no....he didn't get any sex last night.
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because they are idiots and
because they are idiots and don't understand that while they can seperate the physical and the emotional (also why they can so easily sleep with people they don't give a shit about), we cannot. the 2 are very much connected. that's probably why they think withholding sex is a punishment, even though it's not. it's about us not being attracted to them when they are ass clowns.
That is horrible, sounds like
:sick: That is horrible, sounds like he gets irritated when things don't go smoothly and takes them out on you. Why is it your job to make sure his kids take baths? Esp if they are old enough to know better. Screaming at you in front of the kids is just plain wrong, that gives them incentive to disrespect you also. That would have burnt me up.Good for you on staying calm and looking like the rational one. When I pictured you telling him not to ever talk to you that way again,yes I picture everything, then I pictured him 2 inches tall looking sheepish and twiddling his thumbs. Why is all the responsibility slammed on you? Did something happen to their mother?
No nothing happened to their
No nothing happened to their mothers....they are just pieces of shit.
Bm1 lost custody of S's when he was 2 due to neglect. She stopped coming for her else visitation when he was 4. She currently has fled the state to avoid child support enforcement.
Bm2 abandoned SD when she was 3 months old so she could move in with her new pedophile boyfriend. She saw her once a year until she was 4 and then she also fled the state to avoid child support.
And as for dh.....he's just lazy as shit.
Does DH even know that you
Does DH even know that you disengaged and why? What an ass and a terrible father. I think if I were you, I would just ask him everyday…”did they kids bath?”
And the only reason I suggest that is because the kids still need to be sanitary in your home.
I've never used the term
I've never used the term disengaging...but he does know that I have stopped taking responsibility for certain things and he is fully aware that he is responsible. He was told back around new years that his kids bathing/hygiene was now his problem. He knows that I will no longer be making sure that their rooms are kept tidy. And he knows that if he is home, he is responsible for watching them.
I have been handling my disengagement on a case by case basis. When a situation arises that I am getting frustrated with and dh refuses to help with or back me up on...I wash my hand of it. I tell dh why I am upset and tell him that it is now his responsibility. I explain what I am and am not willing to do from this point forward. It has been taking g two to three blow ups like this per responsibility before he accepts my new limit.
This is an issue in my house
This is an issue in my house hold too my SS will go a few days with out a bath and the responsibility was transfered to me! I don't like bathing him because he is 4 and his bm is bat shit crazy and will try to do anything to get her ex husband back. And iI dont want any alligations thrown at me because she haswas already tried other shadys ways to break us up. She wants nothing to do with son doesn't want to see or speak to him. But my fhd works all day and to be honest sometimes I'm to overwhelmed with everything else to remind him! Its so frustrating I'm sorry you gave to deal with that! I couldn't imagine have multiple step kids ones to much for me now.
>>telling me that he's giving
>>telling me that he's giving me a one time oportuntiy for a forgiveness kiss and that he wouldnt he mad anymore. <<
Excuse me?
What the heck did he have to be mad about? He is pissed at you because he SUCKS as a father and does not notice his children STINK and are UNBATHED??!
He yells at you if you do say something, yells at you if you don't say something... yells at you if you try and deal with his kids, yells at you if you only take care of his kids.
Honey get him a knee pad to prevent wear and tear to his joints while he is down on them kissing your a$$. That would be the only 'sexual contact' happening for the forseeable future until he manned up.