I thought we were different...we're not
I thought my situation was different than most on this site... I thought, I'm lucky I don't deal with so much crap and BM is not that much of a bitch. I was wrong! Apparently she was just waiting for the right time to pull a 180 on us.
So SD just turn 13 and decided she didn't want to visit dad anymore. Like a freaking switch! This was late October, we haven't seen her yet. Come to find out BM is dragging DH back to court to modify the custody agreement. :O All the while, total silence as to why she refuses to visit. According to the court papers she submitted, DH has "anger" issues because "he slams the door of the car and yells at drivers etc." and SD13 has to "share a bedroom" with her 8 yr old sister and has no "adequate" space to do school work... hum, what do you call the office or kitchen table? Oh no the injustice!! Also claims that is affecting her social and academic life since we live about 35 min from her school and friends. Keep in mind SD has NEVER asked to be taken to a friends house or school even on our days. On TOP of all this.... oh and you must get this... SD13 in NOT DH's bio kid.... yup you got that right. She was the product of an affair, he suspected this but confirmed during the divorce when SD was 8, he never brought this up in court because he didn't want the kid to find out ... Now he gets paid with this BS.
I am so over this... I am sad most of the time and DH spends his nights doing research and prepping papers for his lawyer. This s what my life has come to... the thing is: I don't want SD13 in my house. I think if she comes back I go. When is enough, enough?
Has any of you gone thru similar situation???
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We got played the same way by
We got played the same way by BM and SD. Let her go. Don't waste the money fighting it. Judge will do what the child wants once they are 13. We spent 10K before we figured that out. Honestly, I won't let her back in the house after the manipulation that she pulled and our marriage and our lives are so much better without SD16. DH sees her once a month for lunch when she feels like it. That is it and I am happy with that....
I'm honestly ok with letting
I'm honestly ok with letting her go. But am afraid of the financial burden that this will put on us. As is DH is paying 1K for both kids (I don't mind SD8) now if he losses custody of SD13, what will that be? But yes, lawyer fees add up quick! DH is also wanting to switch careers which means less money too. I just find it difficult to believe that the court will just do that, sad! Were you able to negotiate on CS at all? Sorry, I don't need specifics but more or less I'd like to know what to expect.
No CS. She was after us for
No CS. She was after us for 1600 a month. That was when we had her with SD16 full time and SS 50/50. Well as we got closer to the end of the mess with the lawyers, SS decided to no longer live with BM (he was 13 then). DH told the lawyers that if she fought SS, then he would pursue SD16. BM didn't want that. She gave up SS and DH forced her to give up CS. She actually owed him when it was all done. About 15.00 a month...
We spent a fortune to get there. At the end of the day. Calculate what he would owe in CS and weigh that against the money on the lawyers.
You will lose SD13, Judges, give the kids what they want after 13. I have seen it again and again. As for CS on a child that is not his, I would fight that. But, then I won't pay for something I didn't create.
I see, so you basically
I see, so you basically split the kids. I wish we could do this! The thing is that SD8 (his real daughter) loves it here! She gets excited to come over and has fun with us, she's just a different kid. I told him I would go for this - get rid of SD13 and keep SD8 full time. But he says this would devastate SD8... Currently he has 40% of the time, but honestly full time would be better as there would be no more dealing with BM and we are acutally afraid she'll pull this when SD8 is older too. :?
I completely agree with
I completely agree with Jsmom. Except we spent closer to 100K before we threw our hands up in the air. We continued to pay CS for SS during his late teen years, but no visitation and virtually no contact with BM. It was tough on DH. But SS finally came around a few years later and they have since reconciled.
WHAT?! reconciliation after
WHAT?! reconciliation after spending 100k? wow... DH was really the bigger person apparently. So your CS didn't increase due to the lack of days with DH?
Going through this EXACTLY
Going through this EXACTLY with SD14...and have been since June. DH has tried everything to get the kid to come over. Even forced BM's hand with citing contempt of court making her resume visitation. That was a disaster. We were all miserable because SD clearly didn't want to be there at all.
So, guess what? DH finally has given up. After SD blew off a couple of "daddy daughter dates" they had, saying she'd rather hang with mom's boyfriend (who spoils the living shit outta her), DH went over there and laid down the law with her. Any communication is in her hands now.
BM tried to get DH to go to mediation to revise the parenting plan but in reality, all she wants is more child support. His point is - if the kid refuses to visit, there's no need to go to court and revamp the original agreement and pay her more money because he is NOT giving up his 50/50 time with SD, it's HER choice.
In your case, if SD isn't his bio kid - how on earth can her mother force him into court?
Best advice is like Jsmom says above - let her go! Don't fight it.
Wow.. so much in common! He
Wow.. so much in common!
He filed contempt also and wants mediation rather than court. But you nailed it on the head, it's all about more $$$ for BM. We found out she and her BF (live together) are on shaky ground so she probably just wants more money for when BF is out of the picture. BM can force DH into court because when he found out that SD wasn't his he didn't say a peep to the court so now he's the legal father and he can't deny that he is because when he found out he didn't act on it, now it's too late (gatta love the law).
I agree with your argument that it wasn't HIS choice to end visitations so he shouldn't have to modify the agreement... but let me know if that flies in court. I would love to see BM's face if we can tell her "keep your stinkin kid and we're not paying extra" }:)
So far, nothing else has been
So far, nothing else has been heard from BM about mediation or court. It's been a bit more than a month. We're hoping that she's dropping it all, but we're not counting on it. We just realized she has been sitting on her Jan CS check and just cashed it yesterday...that's the first time that's ever happened. Usually they're cashed the same day she gets them in the mail.
Well good luck to you! I'll
Well good luck to you! I'll be following your posts, we have the same situation.
Do you think he'll ever tell
Do you think he'll ever tell SD the truth about her father?
If she's old enough to make decisions on where she will live, she's probably old enough to know the truth.
I always believed he should!
I always believed he should! For one, she might appreciate the father that she has, and for another she'll see how manipulative her mother is. Even if it was me tough, I would want to know. It's part of who you are and have every right to know where you come from. DH on the other hand has been very hesitant but with all this he says he would if they go to therapy. I sure hope so!
Thx Gerilee... The reason we
Thx Gerilee... The reason we are going thru this is because we HAVE RULES... bottom line is that SD13 has no real reason to hate it here but of course we don't spoil her, we don't have a 4 bedroom house w pool, we ask her to help out...where as her mother babies her.
it stinks doesn't it? I've
it stinks doesn't it? I've thought about us moving too, but DH wouldn't do that to SD8. I've just about had it with BM (BitchMom) they spoil their little princesses and we pay the price.
I am worried about the BM in
I am worried about the BM in our life doing this. I know she's worked on SD and when the time comes SD will probably choose to live with BM. SS on the on the other hand is a daddy's boy but we all know that can change. It will devistate DH if it happens. The funny thing is that BM would only do it to prove she is the better parent. Well.....that and she wants to destroy DH's happiness in any way possible. I just don't get those type of people. They need to get over themselves and move on.
Yes DH was pretty devastated
Yes DH was pretty devastated at first, now he's just pissed beyond reason. BM thinks she is freakin mother of the decade, nothing she does is wrong and chews DH out over everything. I wish BM would get pregnant so she could have something to spend her time on.
Craziness! I just feel like
Craziness! I just feel like our lives are on pause because of all this court drama...
I'm sorry that your is still dragging on.
I wish wish wish SD18 SD14
I wish wish wish SD18 SD14 and SD13 would choose to not come for parenting time anylonger. BM has told them we will call the cops if she doesnt send them. SO is supposed to pick them up on Fri after school and keep them til Mondays when he returns them to school. If he doesnt pick them up, like if a Fri is an off day from school, BM packs all 5 of them up and drops them to SO's mother. And then text relentlessly for him to get them from Mil. We , especially me, would not call the cops. BM just doesnt want them and doesnt want them to know so she forces them to come. I wish wish wish someone would tell them they dont HAVE to come.
well along with no
well along with no visitations comes BM's court documents requesting more $$$... so be careful what you wish for!