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sick of her whining....ugh

stepmom512's picture

Submitted by stepmom512 on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 12:12am

I'm so sick of my boyfriend's daughter AL11 whining I decided to stay at my place this evening maybe for the whole weekend. But then he starts complaining I just don't want to spend time with him when he has his daughter. Well that's kind of true but I don't even know if he has addressed my concerns with her. Yes I know my daughter MH does whine but she just turned 4 and his daughter AL is 11...big age difference... :jawdrop: ... I'm tired of arguments concerning her behavior....and yes she still does call him daddy (gross) and her latest is papi she doesn't even speak Spanish...smh... she also wants to be right next to him 247...ugh...she wants to spoon with him and acts like she can't do anything for herself. She has a fit when she doesn't get her way... My 4 yr old MH can do more for herself than AL can what's wrong with that picture?

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oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 12:19am

Just calmly agree with him - no you do not want to spend time with him when he has his daughter.

stepmom512's picture

Submitted by stepmom512 on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 12:42am

If I do he's gonna use the "u don't except my daughter so you don't except me"... I could tell him " well I thought I would give u time to discuss her behavior with her". Maybe then is when I can see if he has or hasn't addressed my concerns with her. I really feel out of place in telling her she needs to act age appropriate or anything really... At this point I'm so overwhelmed with trying to deal with the behavior I'm afraid of it slipping out and it not coming out n a bad way :sick:

notagain2012's picture

Submitted by notagain2012 on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 6:46am

You could take the stance of "well, since her behavior has been over the top, I think you two need some time together, alone, of course I want to be with both of you, but she doesn't allow that to happen ny hanging all over you, and whining and being needy, I just can't deal with it this weekend, I think you and your dtr need some alone time so you.cam figure out why she OS being so needy.

Or you could. "i think that your dtr is somewhat jealous of our relationship, and when I'm around, it may be causing her to act like this so I'm curious to see how she responds when I'm not there, the. You and I could discuss differences in her behavior later"

Tried this with bf and SS. His behavior improved a little, but he was still cling and needy, so it wasn't just me being around. Bf realized how needy he was, and HE has been given the chance ALONE to address his sons behavior. I'm guessing bf thought that maybe it was because of my son and I, sort of blaming us for it, amd when we weren't around, he had to face the facts that it was just the way his kid is and it is his job to address it.

SS behavior bled into everything, I don't know if your SD does it around everyone. My bf couldn't even have an adult conversation with his roommate for a few mins without SS interrupting. Even to this day, last night, I was on the phone with bf after he picked up SS, and he interrupted a 5 min conversation twice. One was, oh, I thought you called me or said my name, some crap like that.

It might not cure it, but its a start.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 10:51am

As you are not her mother and are not married to her father you really can't insist on her called her father "Dad". This is a personal choice for them. I know lots of grown women who call their father "Daddy" (even my MIL who is 80 refers to her late father as 'Daddy'. Personally I find it odd but then I am only her DIL and not her mother.

As for the rest of the behaviour, there is a good reason you are not living with him... her behaviour is not jelling with you. So when he says "You just don't like my daughter..." you reply calmly and sweetly "No, this is YOUR parenting time with YOUR daughter.I am not on the same page as you with regard to her behaviour. She seems rather clingy and needy. So I want to give you the space she needs to spend one on one time with you. Obviously she isn't ready to share you with anyone else. So you do what you want to on the weekend with her and both of us are happy. When she is happy for you to find someone who makes you happy then we can work on blending our families again."
This pushes it all back on him to fix her attitude. If he chooses NOT to fix things... well you have your long term answer.