Okay - Here is what I plan to do so far
First, I spoke too soon when I said the SD wasn't showing up for the mower. She just called H and made arrangements to come for it at 1 tomorrow afternoon. Yeah, I know. But the mower is a real piece of junk so we want it out and this way WE err I don't have to pay someone to haul it away.
Secondly, I made it VERY CLEAR that I do not want her in the house PERIOD. I do not want her in the garage PERIOD. and I want her and Lard Butt and Sock Puppet off my property ASAP. The piece of junk mower is 1/2 way down the driveway now so there is no reason to come further. If any of them have to use the bathroom, TOO BAD.
Meanwhile, H has been fluttering around me all day. He just can't do enough. He actually did 2, count them 2, loads of laundry, dried and FOLDED them!!! WOW!!! AND he even made dinner tonight!
I have had a splitting headache and upset stomach for 2 days now and he is oh so concerned. How bad is it, do you want to go to the ER? Honestly, that nonsense is starting to tee me off.
But I still feel betrayed and
But I still feel betrayed and that is the tough thing to deal with.
So I am going to see the lawyer and talk about how to defend my assest and my mariatal assets outsied of a will from the SD and what is going on. And I will talk about H's somewhat dementia and how SD tried to get him to change his will at the hospital that time, how she has stolen from me etc. Wills are one thing but there may more I can legally do to protect ME.
Like you all advise PROTECT ME.
Forgive me if I jump around because this is all pretty much to take in much less deal with.
Right, now, as I see it, the
Right, now, as I see it, the marriage is over. I am 78 and he is 86. Divorce is an option but at our ages would be very tough on both of us. So if I choose to stick around it will be in name only and with financial things well wrapped up so SD cannot change it in any way. I have over 30 years in this marriage and I am certainly not going to let SD benefit as she so wants to.
Wise choice, imho.
Wise choice, imho.
RAegarding help that 2Tired
RAegarding help that 2Tired referred me to. Wow! There is so much to take in and I don't even understand what some of those agency could do or would do to help us. BUT (and this is a good but) I have it down to go and talk to our County Health Dept. and see if they can help me navigate this road.
One last thing. He went out and took down the box he thought was my pictures. It wasn't. Obviuosly he can't read because the box is well marked NO 9, Frustrated's Family Pictures. So he is going back out to the garage tonight and see if he can find, see it. I could point it out to him, but heck, let him find it and keep looking until he does. Right now he is gong to find that tote even if it takes him forever.
He knows he is on very thin ice with me and that I have had it.
One final comment about the mower. At first I thought she might be too embarassed to show her face around here again. Evidently not, the smell of a free mower for lard baby does it every time. Something for nothing. One thing she has is chutzpa (if I spelled that right). The best thing is that the joke will be on her and lard as the mower is a piece of garbage, needs lots of work, over 20 years old. After she gets that I doubt we will hear from her for a long time. No one would even take it last year when we had it up by the street with a free sign in front of it. As my neighbor told me last year, no one wants old riding mower because they are so expensive to fix up.
You see she actually heard me call her a liar and say that I knew she stole the piece. Daddy didn't stick up for her as he would have done in the past by trying to stop me from saying something like that. You can bet she noticed that especially after she proclaimed (he had her on speaker phone) IS she (meaning me) screaming at me? And H didn't stop me, did nothing, even repeated to her what I had said, verbatium, when she claimed she didn't understand me (another tactic). AND H never charged the battery up for even though she brought up the battery charger. Told her he didn't have time.
So sorry you're going through
So sorry you're going through this, but you are doing the right thing by looking after yourself. Do whatever it is you need to do to protect yourself, find peace, and keep the filthy thief away from you and your home.
That you Mia.
That you Mia.
I want to be calm and factual so I am typing up notes of things for lawyer. You know the saying, act in haste, repent in leisure.
Also, I never asked him were he went that night he stormed out. Never said a word about it. My guess he is probably wondering why I haven't inquired he was probably figuring I would be oh so upset and glad to see him when he came back. The only reason I checked up at the hotel to see if he was there was because I know I would feel awful if anything had happened to him in driving, etc. If he wasns't there I planned to calll police and tell them that he shouldn't be driving etc.
This way if anything happened because he can't drive at night etc., I had at least tried to do something. I think you know what I am trying to say. After that I went to bed and had no trouble sleeping through the night. The situation wasn't of my making.
The most important thing is
The most important thing is that you take care of YOU. The headache and upset stomach may be from stress. Stress can manifest itself in awful ways; none of which are good for you. I wish I could sit in your driveway with a Supersoaker and hose down any if them that put one toe past that damn mower.
Aniki - I wish you could be
Aniki - I wish you could be there to do that too. In fact I took her battery charger and put it out by the cruddy mower tonight (H doesn know) and if someone steals it I don't .
After all, SD, who stole that sundial and now claims 1. She never had it, and 2. it got broke never, ever said she was sorry. It was like too bad, so sad. But that is typial from self-centered greedy people.
Anki - I have been like that
Anki - I have been like that for the last 3 days and today I even feel like a limp dish rag. exhausted.
Stress is a killer. Do not let them kill you with the stress.
I applaud your going for their throats calmly, in a regimented manner, and engaging all of the agencies that can support you in all of this.
If you stay, make sure that you and you alone are entirely in control of everything. While I do not wish that your DH has a life ending health crisis, if you stay, do so to both protect yourself and your DH from his noxious spawn and the GSKid/GSpawn.
Get the authorities so far up SD's ass that they will be able to inspect her teeth from back side.
Manage this and pull SD's teeth so that the only way she can get anything out of your DH is to gum it out.
Be kind to yourself and take care of you.
Thanks Rage.
Thanks Rage.
H has no idea what I have planned and what I am working on and I intend to keep it that way.
I have barely spoken to him and purposefully not stayed in the same room as him. I have nothing to say to him. He, on the other hand, is fluttering all over - can I get you something, oh don't get up, I'll get you that glass of milk. Are you okay, what's wrong, do we need to call the doc. or go to the ER. HE knows he is on thin ice. I never asked him where he went that not, never mentioned it, nothing. Of course he is not volunteering info either.because I know he thinks, I think he went down to SD and I would be upset if he admitted that..
When I see these agencies and the lawyer I am going to tell them about the monetary advances of the SD on H especially re. the will at the time he was i the hospital. How she is alway asking for things free and basically pushes to get them. Especially how she has stolen from us. And that we just have our SS and finite savings at this point in time. How she has never given us anytahing or help $$ or otherwise. That he tends to defend her and give in so what can I do to protect my interests in this marriage out side of just the will.
You know how they talk about narcisistic people being grandiose? Here is a real good example. There was a time after I had knee surgery where she actuall volunteered to help H out rather than him getting outside help. TKR is brutal especially the first few months. We were both surprised.
Everytime she said she was coming up she would cancel. But to me the best one was when she called one day and cancels - "It is because I care so much about you & Frustrated that I am not coming by with this cold." A look, aren't I great and caring because I am staying away because I have a cold, pat me on the back, I am so caring and wonderful. A normall person would have just said they had a cold and were staying home to get rid of it not make a big production of how she is staying home JUST FOR YOUR SAKE.
The one tme of the three days she was suppose to help H, she was expected at 9 didn't show up until 11 and had to leave for something else by 12. H told her not to bother any more which she squealed about how much we needed her help. He never told her that he couldn't count on her. She wasn't interest in helping us out, she was interested in making it LOOK like she was going to help out.
We could have gotten outside help through the hospital quicker if she hadn't "volunteered".
Rage! Lol. That is accurate to what this subhuman hell spawn
Rage! Lol. That is accurate to what this subhuman hell spawn does to you creates in me. And in you I am sure.
Take care of you frustrated78.
Regards,
Rags
Keep us in your head,
Keep us in your head, cheering you on, backing you up, standing along wide you. We are the voices in your head!
It's such a gosh golly gee darn shame you're "too sick to let sluggo and his weirdly criminal mommy into your house, garage, anywhere but the drivway cough cough cough."
And when he comes in singing their praises, be a shame if you cut him off or ignored his praise for his evil spawn and grandspawn.
What my main concern with is
What my main concern with is our IRA accounts. I know that as long as H worked and had a 401k, I had to be the beneficiary because I was his wife and this is the law to keep someone from feezing out the spouse.
But now that they are IRA accounts I am not so certain. That would probably be where SD will start going after.To get her name on those as beneficiary. She can't get at the house or car, etc. And I don't trust her, or him at this stage, dementia be damned.
And the fact that she has already tried for his will AND I have documented her actions on this and the thievery with my Doc last summer and told him she scared the begesus out of me. So there is a record which is good. Believe me when I say you don't know the half of it.
Well, went to the pool but
Well, went to the pool but then assessed the situation as something I could not do as I rely on a cane and witth the water that would be splashed around the pool it would be dangerous for me. Didn't think that one all the way through when I first planned it.
Call the pool and explain
Call the pool and explain your situation. Many places can accommodate wheelchair users so the chances are good that they can help with your situation. When you love water and swimming and floating make you feel good, why give up while there might be a solution?
t this stage in our lives he
t this stage in our lives he needs me more than I need him right now. And while he has been a good guy for most of our marriage, I know that I just don't want to play games with his SD. I don't like what they both did to me, I feel betrayed, but I am looking out for the long run for me. I do know one thing for certain, if I left and he had to rely on her he would be in some home faster than he could say his name. She doesn't want to take care of him or anything, she just wants. And if there is nothing in it for her she will put him out just like she did with her Mother.
How did your meeting go today?
Frustrated, you said you were going to meet with a senior citizen services person today. How did that go?
As per all the good suggestions here, have you scheduled an appointment with your attorney? I would urge you to do so if you have not already.
If I may make one suggestion, please write down the primary issues that you have in a clear, concise way before you have meetings with any legal or medical professionals. Keep the list on important issues and facts, for example:
1. You THINK your DH has dementia. BUT be factual and tell them he does not have an official diagnosis of that yet. (If I understand correctly.)
2. Your DH is susceptible to the influence of his adult daugher, who you do not have a good relationship with.
3. You would like to know how to ensure you & your DH's assets are protected from SD
4. You would like to know how to protect your assets in case YOU are incapacitated for any reason, including temporarily.
This last point is very, very important. While your focus now is on your DH and his status, you have to realize that YOU could also have something happen to you where someone must intervene on your behalf - both medically and financially. Who would that person be?
As myself and others have mentioned, do not be hyper-focused on the sundial, the check, what happend x years ago, and what transpired previously. You have much more important things to think about so focus on that!
I do hope when you post again you will be able to tell us of some solid recommendations from the local senior citizen advocates and your own estate attorney.
2Tired - We must be on the
2Tired - We must be on the same link, the 4 points you have are ones that I have down. I also have down what he said when he stormed, dramatically, out of the house - READ BELOW. Might be something serious, might be just angry but with his "condition" I don't know. And I also have down that I have talked to my Doc. earlier this year about her tring for the wills and other things. She's not worried about helping with medical care, etc. JUST the WILL.
The person with the senior service person I needed to see had called in sick, so it isscheduled to talk to her later this week.
As for lawyers - I am looking at one that deals in Senior issues but he is in another town. I feel that the issues with SD involved in possible asset grabs and what she has already done trying to get into his will, mean I need someone more than the lawyer that did my will. I don't know, but that ismy thinking right now. If you have suggestions I am alll EARS.
As we know, the past with the sundial and gaslighting, and drama, is past BUT it is indicative of what the future holds. SD isn't going to change her spots.
H also has yet ANOTHER Doc apt. with his cardiologist tomorrow. His office is about 45 min. one way so that kind of shoots down the day as far as me getting much accomplished.
I am not deterring on this matter and I believe I have to protect H from his SD just as much as protect me. Believe me, once she gets what she wants out of him she will throw him in a home and, based on past experience, if she called him once or twice a year that would be about it.
FWIW, he is sill keeping low and going out of his way to see if I need anything etc. I still have not asked where he went that night because I know but he doesn't know that I know.
One thing I left out when I posted about him storming out, the I'm divorcing you and you are never going to see me again. He didn't pack any clothes.. Told me he didn't need clothes where he was going. I am sure you get that.
And that is why I started checking around at places I thought he might go - that motel was the first. If he wasn't there I intended to get the police involved telling them he shouldn't be driving, at night, because of his eyesight, about the fight and about what he said. Oh, it did cross my mind, after I knew that he was safe, to call the SD and tell her how he stormed out - Was he down there, and what he said. Freak her sorry but out, as though she would care. Thought about it for a nanosecond, but it is not in my nature to do something like that.
Obviously I am a lot more caring and conscientious than he and SD are.
One of my HS mentors went through something similar.
He married his now widow when they were both elderly. She was with him through illness, caring for him as he did with her.
As his age related mental decline advanced his nephew started getting involved. Eventually the nephew had him sign divorce papers and the nephew went after the resources.
My mentor passed before the divorce was final. There was severe polarization in my mentor's family. I was close with both of my mentor's DD's in HS. I have maintained a friendship with one, the other I have not maintained beyond perfunctory contact with. She is the one that pushed closeness with their father. The one I am closer with maintained a more distant and open minded perspective.
The widow apparently retained all marital assets. Half of his family is irate about it, the other half is supportive of the widow retaining the home, etc....
I hope that you can isolate SD and contain her crap so you and her father can have a peaceful life together.
Wow,
Wow,
Rags, as this old lady understands it, if the divorce is not final then the other partner gets the marital assest and can sue legally for the rest. As the saying goes....it is not over till its over..
FWIW, I reread my post here
FWIW, I reread my post here and I seem so calm. I am not, actually. If you look at my typing you can see that.
Tried to work on taxes today but put that aside as I wasn't focusing. And I love dealing with numbers.
This situation is serious for my future and for his.
Take care of you.
Take care of you.
‘’’’ But I still feel betrayed .’’’’
Because you were betrayed. Unfortunately the one you love betrayed you, it's hard to impossible to get over this. Seeing a lawer is a great start . Then you know, bigger still. DH knows you know your rights, as a SO and wife. qqqqqq
Okay - Got something rollling
Okay - Got something rollling. The County Health Dept. is going to come out and do an evaluation of our home to see how we can make things easier as we age more and more. They are coming next week. H. isn't too happy about it but I don't care. I am doing this FOR ME! He is just along for the ride after what he did to me. I can't trust him.
What I am finding frustrating is that talking to him is getting difficult. I will say something to him and he will either respone "HuH", or get a blank look. So I repeat again, and sometimes again changing things to make it simplier. His response then is that he didn't understand what I was talking about. That may be right, don't know. Yet at other times, he is sharp and right on. The latter more often that the former.
I know when we were at the Cardiologist he didn't understand what the doc was saying as he uses medical terms for heart etc. All he knew was that things were going okay with the way he was now. Of course I was there to repeat (in simplier terms) what the doc said.
I DID get that tote!!!!! He mumbled and grumbled after doing so about how much he hurt etc.
Oh, and SD called wanting to
Oh, and SD called wanting to know if we had any extra tires for the lawnmowe as all four were flat. I gladly told her, NOPE, what she got in that mower is what she gets. Felt good.
She is trying to get more from us for Free for Lard Butt while at the same time she was trying to sell H a used rollinator for $85.00.