So, I walked away from someone I still love to this day because I would rather be single if I can't be with someone who is all in and wants to build a life with me.

I am happy that you have moved on and are living your best life.

I take the active recovery and don't wallow in the grief and past path.  I hurt, I grieve, but I also actively engage in life. I find that to be critical in making the best life possible.

All in is a requirement for me. If I am, my partner has to be as well. I was  in a marriage I was all in for with a partner who was anything ane everything but all in. Never again.

I dated quite a bit after my divorce.  I am not all in while casually dating. When I find a relationship that I am commited to, I am all in. Fortunately I found my life partner and the person  I can be their life patner to build a life with.

I make no secret that there is not much grey in my world. People are either decent or they are not.  Behaviors are eitehr reasonable, or they are not.  Part of that model is that I trust people until they give me reason to not trust them at which point I write them off.  

I suppose that my grief at the end of my first marriage could seem very short and superficial. I had a date the night of the day that my XW moved out.  I had grieved for years in that marriage starting the night of the wedding and extending through the the entire 2.5yrs until the final divorce hearing and years beyond.

.

Somehow I doubt that what OP said, was vilified for, and apologized profusely multiple times for, was even all that bad. 

This is exactly why you document, record, archive, and present and publish the facts and records of the entire repertoire of the toxic people in the blended family equation. Then keep beating them and everyone else drinking their toxic noxious Kool-Aid about the head and shoulders  with their comprehensive record of toxicity.

Lather.... rinse.... repeat.

It was not a concerted plan or strategy on our part, but we did just this.  When SpermGrandHag would call and leaving profane ranting answering machine message, we saved it. When the Hag would call and blow a gasket on my DW, we recorded the entire call. I set up a micro-cassette recorder on our home phone (pre cell-phone years). When caller ID showed the Hag, DW would hit record before picking up the call. We had dozens of micro-cassetes full of ranting answering machine recordings, bitter abusive calls, and a few crying pouty "I wuvvvvv and miss you and I misssssss my family" calls from the SpermIdiot. Complete with my DW laughing at him and asking if he wanted to speak with "his" son.  We also had an official copy of every second of all court hearings.  Never once in 16yrs under the CO did any of them ever call just to speak with SS and never asked to speak with him. DW had to ask if they wanted to talk with him after she shut their bullshit down through laughing disdain for their pathetic ranting pouting, bullshit.  We had annual journals of their calls, SS's comments, and stories about his visitations. We had multiple copies of the CO, supplemental county rules, and State regulations.  

All of that made us always instantly ready to respond to any crap they pulled, any threats they made to go to court, or when they cried and whined about fairness, us being mean, wrong, etc... Nope. All bullshit.

"See you in front of the judge!"

Was our canned response to their threats of court.

They hated getting letters with the letter head of our Pit Bull attorney when they forced our hand. He was brutal.

When we did end up in court it was the bare their lying asses circus resulting in them whining and pouting when they would lie, we would call them on it, they would stand their lying ground, then we would play recordings of them saying exactly what they lied about never having said.  We had PI reports of SpermIdiot taking under the table payments from clients who were supposed to be paying his employer for service calls. We had statements from the Constable of him running when the Constable was serving him with the CS review summons from the DA's office. We had records from the DA's office of his refusal of mailed summons and PO records of delivery confirmations that he claimed were never delivered....... One very valuable piece of information was the CS Enforcement office hever having a record of him paying CS for the first 9yrs of the CO. SpermGrandHag was paying the CS. It would dribble in in partial amounts but usually paid in full by the EOM.   Being able to call them out for him not paying a Cent of his CS obligation for SS and SpermGrandHag/SpermIdiotMommy doing it for him was notably ass baring in court when it was used.  At the first CS review request that information played well with DA who ordered direct payroll withholding of CS.  That was classic. He dodged and avoided responding to the DA's subpoena for income information for the CS review so the DA sent my CPA DW the forms to fill out for the SpermIdiot's information. She went CPA auditor on his ass and provided a complete dossier on the SpermIdiot. His state Plumbers License info, his employer'd information and payroll contact information, county pay scales for plumbers in the SpermIdiot's county, rents for homes the same size as the one the SpermIdiot lived in rent free that was supposedly a rental property for the SpermGPs, etc.. DW recommended the median hourly rate for plumbers in that county, etc... The DA increased CS from $133/mo where it had been for 9yrs to $785/mo.  When the SpermIdiot got his first $0.00 pay check due to direct withholding of CS he came screaming and begging to go back to c9urt.  So, to a Judge we went.  A telephone hearing with an Admin Law Judge in SpermLand.  Lots of crying, lying, no subpoenaed information provided by them, reams of information provided by us including all of the history, etc... mentioned above.  CS was lowered to $385/mo but arrears for two years at $785 was ordered until the arrears were retired. Direct withholding was upheld.  After 2yrs at $785 CS dropped to the ordered $385 where it stayed for the remaining 5yrs of the CO.

As SS got older and had questions about things they said to him during visitation, we started responding to SS with the facts in an age appropriate manner. Over the 16yrs we lived under the CO we more frequently found SS in our office going through the Custody/Support/Visitation drawers in the file cabinets.

By the time SS was in his teens he knew far more about the whole shit show than they ever did.  He started calling them on their lies  and manipulations in real time when he was in SpermLand on visitation.  SpermGrandHag would call shrieking and ranting "Why does he even know about that!"  Um, well Hag, "WE DON'T LIE TO HIM WHEN HE ASKS US ABOUT REALITY!"  You need to read the F-n CO moron!.

Document, document, document. Inform the SKids, inform anyone and everyone in the gravitational pull of the toxic opposition. Never let anything slide. Never tolerate any deviation from the CO, rules, and regs. Ever.

Kids and everyone else need to know reality and they need the facts to protect themselves from the toxicity in the shallow and polluted gene pool side. These people never stop their crap. 

My SS learned over his years as a minor under the CO what reality was, he had his own experiences with their crap, he suffered from their lies, PAS crap, and manipulations. As he matured and increasingly approached aging out from the CO, he was more and more vehement in defending himself from their toxicity. Turning 18 a couple of months after his HS graduation did not end their crap. There was a reprieve once they were off the hook for CS and guilted him into not going to University and keeping them on the CS hook for 3 more years.  His mom and I offered him a full meal deal mom and dad scholarship anywhere in the world he wanted to go and could get accepted at.  Our requirement was that he keep their CS active.  He caved to their guilt. 

We sill offered him the full meal deal mom and dad ride but he did not want the uncollected CS hanging over his head. So, after some burning platform actions from his mom and me to get him to launch into adulthood he enlisted in the military.

That was when they crawled back out from under their slime covered rock at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pool and started badgering him to repay them for the 17 years of CS.  He very quickly realized that not nailing their asses for 3 more years of CS was a mistake. After he smacked them around for their "Pay us back for all the CS!" bullshit, they started the full court press guilt fest to get him to set up direct deposit of part of his pay to the Hag's accounts to help support his three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas.   That was the beginning of the end of his interface with them.

When he was 22 he asked me to adopt him. We made that happen.  He notified the Hag that he had been adopted by me.  That was when she wilted and found contact with reality. She told him she was glad that he had been raised by a good man and she wished his three younger had that benefit in their lives.

 I was shocked.

About that time Spawn #3 was arrested at 16yo for a gun violation. SS took emergency leave and flew to SpermLand to have a "talk" with their idiot gangbanger wannabe SpermDaddy and let him know that if SS had to come back for another "talk" about the SpermIdiot's gangbanger fullshit impacting his younger sibs that it would not end well for the SpermIdiot. The first talk was delivered to SpermDaddy with SS's hands around his throat and his back a foot up the wall with SpermDaddy's feet flopping and kicking the wall.

A few years after the talk, #3 was convicted of armed felony burglary and sentenced to a long prison sentence. That was about it for any contact with the SpermClan. SS gave up on all of them at that point. His sibs break his heart. #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, and #4 is not far behind #3.

Even though we gave him all of the info, defended him to the fullest level we possibly could, and he was fully capable of protecting himself from them, sadly our son did not escape completely unscathed. He has struggled with some adult psych issues and is working with a medical and therapy team addressing the baggage he sadly still carries from them.

The positive is that he escaped their multi-generational failures and is a performing adult, a man of character, honor, and standing in his profession and community. Likely the only person in the entire SpermClan multi-generational gene pool to every accomplish that.

Document, document, document. Publish, publish, publish.