Steer clear of this woman. Don't allow your kids over there alone. I wouldn't trust her with literally anything. She has proven to be a detriment to your family in every way possible. So if she wants into your life in any way, nope. She's called cps and ruined relationships in your life . I wouldn't want anything to do with her in fact I would disengage so hard that I would block her and also have your partner shield you from what she says /tries. 

Stay away from her keep your kids away from her too.  If a SK called CPS in me. That would be the last time I would deal with her. Banding from my home.  No gifts, no nothing. Disengaging totally.  DH will have to go to McDonald to see her.

Now he can see his mother at McDonald too.

Narcissistic mother-in-laws are disgusting!

Good Intentions Life Coaching 

Youtube.com

Apr 29, 2021

Retrieved: 10/15/2024

Hey everyone, it’s Natalie, and I’m back with a quick video. I wanted to talk about something that many of you women dealing with a narcissistic mother-in-law might be questioning—why your mother-in-law seems to be targeting you.

Well, it’s simple, and honestly, it’s disturbing. Narcissistic mothers often have an emotionally incestuous relationship with their child. In their twisted mindset, they believe they should be the only woman in their son’s life. It’s sick, but that’s the root of their behavior.

So when their son brings home a woman—whether someone he’s dating or married to—the narcissistic mother feels threatened. She becomes jealous and envious for many reasons, and a lot of that stems from your appearance, your youthfulness, your beauty. But it’s more than that. It’s about the fact that you’re now taking the spotlight in her son’s life. You’re replacing the emotional connection he once had with his mother, and she can’t handle that. To her, you’re stealing something that belongs to her, and she reacts accordingly.

This is how they see it. In their corrupt minds, they have an emotionally incestuous relationship with their child—often without the child realizing it, because the child is a victim in all of this. They do not want to compete with another woman for their child’s attention. Because of this, they expect their son to remain lonely forever and to idolize and worship them above all else.

The way a narcissist thinks is that they will always be number one in their child’s life. So, when their son shows his mother that his girlfriend or wife is more important, that the love he has for his partner is his top priority, the narcissistic mother becomes enraged.

At that moment, she sets herself on a mission to destroy. Her agenda has been in the works since the very first time she met you. Believe it or not, even though she may have seemed kind, considerate, courteous, and welcoming—maybe even acted like she wanted to be close to you—it was all part of the act.

Why do you think she’s doing this? She’s trying to extract information from you, to later use it against you. By pretending to be kind and understanding, she’s attempting to gain your trust and tap into your vulnerabilities. Her goal is to get you to "spill the beans" on your life. Narcissists are manipulative, and they use subtle tactics—almost like a little magic—to persuade you into sharing intimate details.

She’ll ask about everything: your childhood, your family, your parents, mistakes you’ve made, and even the things you’re currently doing. She’ll act sympathetic and empathetic as you share your personal traumas, making you believe she’s genuinely interested. But in reality, she’s collecting that information to serve her own agenda. Worse, she may even weaponize those traumas, adding fuel to them to provoke you into a defensive or aggressive reaction.

That’s the truth—they want you to attack them, but in a subtle, secret way. Why? So they can manipulate their child into thinking that no other woman will ever be better than them. They hope that by provoking you, they can expose you to their child as "evil" and convince them that anything you do or say is irrelevant.

When they begin their agenda, they don’t make big moves right away. Instead, they start with little things every time they see you or even hear your name. They plant small seeds of doubt in their child’s mind—and in the minds of others—about who you are and what your character is. These seeds are meant to grow slowly, undermining your reputation bit by bit.

Then, they push you. They antagonize you, hoping that the seeds of doubt they’ve planted will take root and flourish. They want you to react, to show anger or frustration toward them. When you finally do—whether through verbal outbursts or emotional hostility—those seeds they planted bloom. Your reaction validates the doubts they’ve been sowing in everyone’s minds, and suddenly, their narrative about you being "the problem" seems real to those around you. It’s all part of their calculated plan to undermine you while maintaining control over their child’s loyalty.

In return, they point to the situation and say, “See this flower? It’s rotten.” They use your reaction as proof that you are the problem. When dealing with an insecure person like a narcissist, they cannot bear to share the love of their child with anyone else. In their mind, the love their child has—any affection at all—can only be directed toward them, and no one else.

This inability to share affection drives their hostility, negativity, and manipulative behavior. They are conniving, corrupt individuals who cannot tolerate their child showing love to another person. But here’s the key: don’t give them what they want. The best thing you can do is remain silent. Let them expose themselves for who they truly are.

If you try to confront or expose the narcissist, you’ll be made to look foolish. Remember, the narcissist is already manipulating everyone around them into believing that you are the problem. If you react—angry or upset—without anyone else knowing the real reason, it only plays into their hands. The narcissist lies, twisting the story to make it look like your anger is unjustified. So when they tell their side of the story, it frames you as irrational, leaving others to wonder why you’re upset while the narcissist maintains control of the narrative.

It’s all a lie to cover their tracks. When you go out and act angry or upset, people start believing you’re the one in the wrong—that’s the harsh truth. So, when you’re dealing with a manipulative mother-in-law, the best thing you can do is avoid sharing anything personal about your life.

When you're around her, speak as little as possible. If she asks personal questions, simply say, "I don’t feel comfortable sharing that with you." The more information you give, the more ammunition she has to use against you. On the flip side, the less you give her, the less power she has over you—and that’s the goal. You want her to have as little information about who you are as possible.

It can be difficult because, as a good person, you naturally want to share love and compassion with your mother-in-law. You might even want to prove to her that you're trustworthy, that she can trust you with her son and love you like a daughter-in-law. But when you try to show her this side of you, she takes that information and twists it for her own benefit, manipulating the situation to suit her narrative.

So, even though you may want to share your life with her—because she’s your mother-in-law and you’re trying to build trust—the best approach is to keep your distance and not reveal too much. The tricky part is that, when you first meet these people, you don’t know they’re going to manipulate everything. You don’t realize they’ll be working against you and your relationship with their child.

At first, it’s natural to share bits of yourself, your life, and your family, because that’s what people do to get to know each other. But with a narcissistic or manipulative mother-in-law, that information will eventually be weaponized against you.

People naturally share their experiences—both traumas and happy moments—to build trust and form relationships, right? So at first, you might share things about yourself with someone to establish a connection.

But here’s the thing: I’m an empathic person, and if I’m around someone who’s narcissistic, psychopathic, unempathetic, or just "off," I can usually sense it right away. I was lucky because the moment I met my mother-in-law, I knew something wasn’t right. Over the course of 21 years, she’s learned very little about me or my family—just bits and pieces—because I saw through her mask from the start.

Unfortunately, not everyone can see through that mask, or they don’t want to believe what they’re seeing. As a result, they end up sharing personal things with someone like her, only to have it twisted and used against them later.

And that’s the tricky part about gossip. You might share facts, but once they’re passed along, people twist them into their own interpretations. Then, when the gossip spreads, it’s no longer just about the facts—it becomes about what others think happened, usually influenced by the narcissistic mother-in-law’s version of events. And because she’s persuasive, those around her start believing her distorted view of the situation, making things even more complicated.

They take the information you share, twist it just enough to make you look even worse to others, and the cycle continues. One of the main reasons your mother-in-law does this is simple: she wants to get rid of you. She doesn’t like that you’ve taken the spotlight off of her in her son’s life, and now it’s shining on you. That’s why she’s acting this way—she’s deliberately twisting your words and actions to get under your skin and provoke a reaction.

When she gets the reaction she wants, she feels validated, and she keeps doing these little things to keep annoying you, to make you angry. It’s a constant effort on her part, like she’s playing creepy mind games, as if she’s competing with you like a jealous girlfriend. You’re left wondering, "What’s wrong with this person?"

And she does this relentlessly—day after day, year after year. Her goal is to make you feel unimportant, unwelcome, and ultimately to push you out of the family. That’s what it’s all about. Even if you have a child with her son, she wants you to feel belittled and unwanted.

In some cases, you might even start changing yourself, trying to please her in an effort to win her approval. But over time, you realize that no matter how much you try to please her, it will never be enough. You can’t sacrifice yourself to please someone who will never accept you for who you are.

Losing yourself to please someone else just isn’t worth it in the end. I know this from experience. For years, I stayed quiet, even when my mother-in-law was smiling in my face while talking trash about me behind my back. I knew she was looking for a reaction, and I refused to give it to her. I remained silent.

Over the years, she kept at it, but because I didn’t react, she never really had anything on me. Sure, I had my share of little hiccups in life—like everyone does—but nothing major. Still, she took those small moments and twisted them, manipulating the situation to try and make me look like a bad person.

But here’s the thing: while she was doing this, she was actually exposing herself bit by bit. Even though she was taking my faults and using them to paint me in a negative light, because I stayed silent, people started to notice her behavior. They saw that she was antagonizing me, doing things on purpose to hurt me. And gradually, people began to come to me—her own family members—telling me what she was saying and doing behind my back.

They knew who I was, and they knew how she was, and they began to see through her. They told me, "This isn’t right. You shouldn’t have to deal with this." She thought they were on her side, but in reality, they felt sorry for me and supported me instead. They didn’t back her manipulative tactics.

That’s the thing with these toxic mother-in-laws: you have to let them expose themselves. No matter what you say or do, it’s only when people stop being manipulated by them that they’ll start seeing the truth. Eventually, the reality of the situation comes to light, and people begin to see who the real problem is.

So, women, if you’re dealing with a narcissistic, toxic mother-in-law, remember one important thing: silence is powerful. The longer you stay silent and maintain clear boundaries, the less control they have over you and your relationship. The less they can sabotage it, because that’s exactly what they’re trying to do—destroy the relationship you have with their child.

You don’t have to directly say anything, but act like whatever they do or say doesn’t bother you. That drives them crazy, because they thrive on getting a reaction. When they see you’re unbothered, it gets under their skin.

Often, narcissistic mother-in-laws have an unhealthy emotional attachment to their child, to the point where they’ve twisted things in their mind, seeing themselves as the only important person in their child’s life. What you need to do is stay calm, collected, and quiet. Let them expose their sickness and instability on their own. The more you resist engaging, the more their true nature will become evident.

When you’re around them, speak as little as possible. Keep your answers short and noncommittal. I did this for years—when she asked me questions, I’d give her a brief response just to appease her and move on. Stay silent throughout the day, avoid engaging in unnecessary conversations. Eventually, they’ll feel the distance, but they won’t be able to manipulate you.

In fact, my own mother-in-law even told my husband, "Natalie doesn’t like me. She never talks to me." And that’s exactly what I wanted—distance, boundaries, and no more control over my emotions or my relationship.

It's like, "No, I see right through you, and I’m not going to be played for a fool." Remember, narcissists get offended when you don’t share personal details with them, and they feel insulted when your answers don’t align with what they want to hear. So, if you have to maintain a relationship with your mother-in-law, play their game—but on your terms. Give them just enough to get them off your back, to get under their skin, and to subtly expose them.

At the end of the day, the goal is to protect your peace. You want to go home without stress, without feeling tied to their manipulation. And if something were to happen to them tomorrow, you’d be able to move on without a second thought.

Dealing with them is like playing a game of chess—you always need to be one move ahead. Prepare yourself for their negativity. Find ways to vent, whether it’s screaming into a pillow before seeing them or working through it with a therapist. Do what you need to do to stay grounded.

Most importantly, educate your husband about toxic in-laws—what I call the "narcissistic in-law syndrome." Their behavior often seems like there’s something deeply wrong, and your husband needs to be aware of how it’s affecting you and your relationship. Open his eyes to their misconduct, and help him see the impact it’s having on both of you so he can better support you in dealing with it.

So remember, ladies: don’t fall prey to their manipulative ways. Keep your head high, your ears and eyes open, and your mouth closed when you’re around them—if you have to be around them at all. I understand it can take years to reach the point of going no contact. Luckily, I’ve been no contact for nearly three years now, and my life has been so much better since. My husband has been incredibly supportive, and he has what we call a "shiny spine."

That’s another key thing: you need your husband to have a shiny spine, too. He needs to be able to stand up for you. I’ve spoken to many people—some whose husbands won’t tolerate their mother treating them poorly, and others whose husbands simply don’t stand up for them. The latter happens because they’ve been conditioned to believe their mother’s behavior is normal and acceptable. They’ve grown up with it, so they’ve been trained to think this is just how things are.

But here’s the truth: loving, caring parents don’t behave like that. Healthy parents welcome their child’s spouse with open arms, and they have empathy and sympathy for both of you, regardless of the circumstances. They’re supportive through good times and bad. That’s what true love and support from family looks like, and that’s what you deserve.

With healthy, loving parents, you feel cherished, wanted, and understood. But with a narcissist, you don’t experience any of that. So, it's crucial to set firm boundaries with these people. Without clear boundaries, they will continuously overstep. In fact, that’s one of the main reasons people eventually go no contact—narcissists constantly cross boundaries, even when you’ve clearly set them.

At some point, you just say, "Enough is enough." But here's the key: there need to be consequences when they cross those boundaries, and you must follow through with those consequences. If you don’t, they will keep testing you.

So, stay silent, stay calm, collected, and educated. Keep your husband informed about narcissistic abuse so you can both maintain a healthy relationship. It’s also vital to protect your privacy. Make sure your time with your spouse remains private and that he understands the importance of not sharing personal details with his narcissistic parents. Maintaining those boundaries will help safeguard your relationship from their interference.

Narcissists manipulate their child into sharing everything about their relationship, so they can gather information on the spouse. That’s really all it’s about. Even though the spouse may think their parent is caring and wants to help, the truth is they’re using that information to further manipulate and control the situation. Their goal is to undermine your relationship and plant seeds of doubt. They’ll say things like, "Remember when she did that?" or, "She’s not stable, she has mental problems," even if it’s not true or it wasn’t your fault. They might even push for divorce or create other conflicts.

To protect your relationship, make sure the conversations you have with your husband stay between the two of you. Your private matters should remain private.

Also, avoid constantly bringing up what the narcissist has done to you in conversations with your spouse. Doing so can create unnecessary conflict in your marriage. If you need to vent or talk about the narcissist’s behavior, seek a therapist who can guide you through it. Especially if you’ve gone no contact, your spouse likely doesn’t want to hear constant negativity about their parent. It can strain your relationship, so it’s better to work through those feelings with a professional.

It’s okay to talk about it if you’re having a genuine heart-to-heart with your spouse. But if it turns into simply bashing their parents, it won’t be productive at all. So, be mindful and maintain your character. You don’t want to make your spouse feel guilty for how their parents have treated you, especially since they have no control over it. Keep the conversation constructive and focus on your feelings without attacking their family.

Confessions of a Narcissistic Mother in law | Exposè

Danish Bashir

Youtube.com

Jan 11, 2024

Retrieved: 10/15/2024

I am your narcissistic mother-in-law, and yes, I hate you with a passion. I will do everything in my power to hurt you. Do you know why? Because you took away the most precious thing in my life—my son. I carried him, I gave birth to him, and he was mine. He was supposed to serve me, to remain by my side. But then you came along like a storm and took him away. I can’t stand it. I can’t tolerate the fact that you are now the center of his world. You’re the obstacle standing between us, and in my mind, I’m fully justified in causing you as much pain as possible.

From the day he was born, I groomed him. I smothered him with my love and made him believe I’m the best mother ever. That’s how he sees me, and I will always intervene to take away moments that should be yours. I’ll be the first to hug him at your gender reveal party. I’ll steal away the appreciation, the hugs, and the kisses that are meant to make you feel special—because in my mind, I’m his partner, not you.

I see him as a replacement for the husband who was never there for me. I raised my son to fill that emotional void, and though I’ll never admit it, there’s an emotional incest in the way I see him. He’s not just my son—he’s more than that to me, and I’ll never let you forget it.

I’m your narcissistic mother-in-law, and I will humiliate, berate, and put you down every time you’re not feeling well. Whenever you need assistance or want to rest, I will mock you. I’ll call you names, roll my eyes, and make it seem like you’re always sick or always complaining. If you voice a valid concern or express your emotional needs, I’ll belittle you. If you try to create space for yourself, I will drain the life out of you, because I see you as my direct competition.

You are nothing more than a machine to me—there to serve my son and me. That is your only purpose in this narcissistic, mini-cult of a family. The moment you falter, I will devalue you. I’ll leave no stone unturned in stirring up chaos. If I find even the smallest flaw, I will magnify it, blowing it out of proportion. I’ll convince my son that you’re flawed, that you were a bad choice. But here’s the catch: I won’t let him leave you, nor will I let you live in peace. I want you to suffer—constantly.

I am the master victim. I’ll always pretend to be in pain because of you. I’ll put you and your family down at every opportunity. I’ll question your values, your upbringing, and your parents’ parenting skills. Every time you express anger or stand up for yourself, I’ll twist it to make it seem like you’re out of line. In my eyes, you have no rights in this family—it’s my kingdom. I am the queen, and I decide who does what. If you step out of the role I’ve created for you in my mind, I will punish you by belittling those you love.

I’ll find excuses to call your parents, subtly shaming them for raising a daughter like you. I’ll involve your siblings and anyone else I can, manipulating them to turn against you. I will play the victim, making it seem like everything is your fault, and before long, they’ll be doing my dirty work for me. They won’t understand what’s really happening because I won’t let them. I’ll create an army of minions against you, and I’ll make sure you’re left isolated and suffering.

I’m your narcissistic mother-in-law, and I’m a master manipulator. I’ll always put on a show, creating chaos and drama to cause you trauma. Do you know how? I know exactly which buttons to push—the ones I’ve installed in my son. When he comes home from work, I’ll sulk, pretending to be in pain. When he asks what’s wrong, I won’t tell him, letting his frustration build until he assumes you’re the one to blame. Then, I’ll act like the perfect mother, saying, “It’s fine, you don’t have to worry about me. I value your relationship with your wife.” Meanwhile, I’ve triggered him into anger, just as planned.

By doing this, I keep him under my control, and everyone in the family too. They all think you’re the problem, not me, because I’m the matriarch. I’m the one pulling the strings, and they’ll always listen to me more than you. I’ll make sure you feel isolated, without support, even from your husband, who will always blame you for hurting his “sweet, kind mother.”

It’s also my job to make you feel incompetent when it comes to raising your children. I’ll undermine your authority every chance I get—deciding what they eat, where they go to school, and how they are raised. I’ll try to spoil them with gifts and make you look like the strict, uncaring mother. This way, I’ll alienate them from you, making them think I’m the fun, generous grandma, while you’re the one keeping them from having a relationship with me.

I’ll always show up unannounced, demanding to see them as if you had no part in bringing them into this world. In my eyes, you’re just an incubator—my son did the real work. Now they belong to me, and you don’t matter. Your existence is insignificant to me.

When all else fails, I’ll use inheritance as leverage, dangling it over your head and threatening to cut your children out if you don’t comply. My son will always back me up, and if he dares to side with you, I’ll guilt-trip and belittle him until he falls back in line. I’ll play every manipulative trick I know, because that’s the role I’ve designed for him, and I’ll stop at nothing to keep him there.

My ruthlessness knows no bounds. I may look human, but I have no empathy, no real emotions.

Narcs, when they are ill or on their deathbeds, will intensify their efforts to abuse you. When the narcissist is on their deathbed, you should expect more manipulation and abuse. They will be mean until the day they die. They're not going to change. They can't just suddenly become a different person. All they can do is manipulate you. And the only people who will be there for them when they're on their deathbed. Are people who are still under their spell. Or people who just feel bad for not being there. And if you are there for them, they will be even more entitled. They will be even more ungrateful. And they will not show any remorse.

They will not show any regret or guilt for what they have done. And when they die, you should not expect anything from them in their will. It will be left to the golden child. It will be left to their enablers. It will be left to the people who validated the illusions of their false self. People who were susceptible to their manipulation. People who didn't try to oppose their false narrative. People who kept a code of silence. They will leave money for people who weren't even there for them. But they won't leave anything for you.

MY ADVICE TO YOU – Grey Rock your toxic MIL, and never, never have any contact with her again, especially when you two are alone. Ask me how I know this.

Bottom line - nobody goes solo with your kids unless you  have absolute trust in them.

This woman is going to do her damndest to turn your son against you. She wants to take your son away from you the way you took hers away from her.

No way would I let her be alone with him. She's a truly sick piece of work.

she gets no opinion.  DH needs to know what his hag of a mother said to his wifeand let him know that his mother is a harpy hag from hell and the little one will not have any exposure to GrandHag under any circumstance without you AND DH present and the hag under your couple hairy eyeball.  Tolerate no risk of GrandHag having any unsupervised time with your child. Ever. As your LO grows up make sure he has absolute knowledge of his toxic GrandHag and his asshat elder half sister.  Kids need the facts in an age appropriate manner in order to protect themselves from the part of their gene pool lottery that they lost.

IMHO of course.

Take care of you. Take care of your LO. Take care of your family. Let MIL rot.

Why do these types always surface during the Holidays?  IMHO they need to be destroyed any time they make an appearance.