You're not alone, and no-one on here is going to tell you that you "knew what you were getting into"! (eyeroll smiley!)  The feelings you are expressing about coming second to SKIDs schedules etc are well aired on here - we all feel like that, at times. It's quite common for DHs to be terrified of their kids that don't live with them full time.   That they will not want to come over any more, if DH ever sets a boundary, disciplines them, or make it less than 100% fun when they are around - ie the "Disney Dad" syndrome. 

My own bio daughters were in their late teens when I met DH, and in the years to come, I was made to feel selfish that I didn't want either of my SDs to come and live with us (when they fought with BM) because if they had, there would not have been room for my own daughters to visit at all!  I really felt that my daughters and I were second class citizens at times. One thing I regret about those years is not standing up for myself more, I felt I had to "blend into the wallpaper" and not cause trouble, partly because DH had so much trouble with the non stop drama from BM and the SDs.  So please don't can your needs and feelings. You are allowed to take up space in your world, as much as him and his kids. 

Sounds like some serious negotiating needs to be done here (you and DH). He chose to get divorced and to remarry. There are new ways of doing things when that happens. You already have the skids 50% of the time; it's not like he only sees them every other weekend. Therefore, I would work to negotiate "no games" on weekends when you don't have them--ESPECIALLY because of this, which is total BS:

Every now and then we'll attend a game when it's not our weekend to have them, but we end up getting totally ignored when skids are on their moms time and quite frankly I don't want early

But also, of course, your DH needs to be reminded that he has a family that needs him in your home. I'd be flexible on your end with that only when skids have end-of-season play-offs or something like that.   

First, Welcome!  We have all dealt with the OBHF fantasy, also known as The Brady Bunch scenario.  We had DH's 3 whenever they weren't in school until they all moved in full time, one at a time.

Counseling helped me immensely.  My biggest adjustment came when I recognized these 3 were MY family members now, or as long as I was with DH.

You don't mention behavior issues with your SKs, that's so good.  DH's 3 and my 2 were all around the same age so I didn't deal with the age gap you do.  But many intact families do have age gaps, perhaps it would help to look at your situation like they might - just trying to balance the competing needs the best you can.

In any case, you've come to the right place and WELCOME.

sharing" my husbands time, attention, energy, resources with another woman's children is just not something I have been able to fully embrace or even come to terms with.
 

NGL I felt this same way

AND I let that Disneyland Dad I used to deal with know that "if I'm going to accept the fact that you have resources going out to another woman's household for x amount of years then you have to accept THIS is my house not your breeder 2.0 recreation, those kids will follow all my rules or they can stay with their breeder, every other aspect of this relationship better be on point......cause if y'all don't like it then I will leave...and good luck finding a woman of my caliber to deal with you and your ex wife's B. Beck and call operation"

Some of these men are willfully obtuse in acknowledging what you have to give up and sacrifice dealing with them and their past baggage 

Like these dudes want us to deal with the consequences of their past lives then they absolutely have to make it worth our while to do so. 

Too old to be tolerating b*llsh*t 

I have to disagree. They're not his kids only half the time. He divorced his ex, not his kids. If he's a sports guy and enjoys watching his kids at practices and games, he'll probably still want to go to practices and games when your littles are the ones participating. You want to have your little family, but your reality is that he has older kids. Wishing them away will just make you resentful.

However, if the littles are awake, and it's not interrupting nap time, there's no reason he can't take one or more kids with him leaving you some you time at home, or some one on one time with one of the younger kids. Maybe on those off weeks he alternates. One week he goes alone, the next week he takes one or more littles with him. That way the kids have memories of time with Dad watching their older siblings play. And maybe they can drop for ice cream on the way home and make new traditions.

or maybe he skips one practice a month so you have an uninterrupted weekend. Your kids are going to be older and involved in their own weekend events before you know it. And I'll bet he'll want to go to their events too, and you might want to as well! Don't begrudge him time with his kids. Good dads are a great gift.

Or see a counselor.  That DH has to make bio kid time or your family time.  As on every 3 weekend.  You ,DH, and your bio only no SK.  GO do something as a family.   Picnic in the park, at the beach,  trip to the amusement park. Pumpkin picking,  lunch at McDonald or what you can afford.  Chucked cheese .  Car ride with games and snacks.  Seeing your family GM, GF, brothers and sisters ? 
'He has to make time for your family..  You do for him. He has to do for this family,.  He has a chance not to screw up another marriage.   You must make him understand.. When he divorce his ex. Life was not going to be the same .  He agreed to that by marrying you and having kids with you.  
'If he doesn't want another failed relationship and marriage.. He must get on it

WHAT I DONT GET IS.  How many people get divorced.. and think new SO and the ex SO will get along. And be one happy family  singing and dancing together.  When they were married they didn't get along  or they would be still married.  They fail to understand, everybody wants there own life.  A life they control .  Not control by the ex or SK. 

Clearly, you are not alone... and it sounds like despite your feelings.. you do have a fairly good relationship with your Skids.

I know it's tough.. but sometimes trying to see the full view of it can be helpful.  Just like you are sharing your husband's time with his kids from his other relationship, his kids are sharing him with you and the new kids in the family.  They are having to shuttle back and forth and it's not all easy for them.. though I'm sure you and your DH make every effort for them to have happy lives. 

And.. the reality is that as the younger siblings, (whether it be in a "first" family or not).. they were not going to get the time and attention their older siblings got because the parent(s) have more going on.  Of course, the youngers also may benefit from having their parents in a better point in their life financially.. perhaps having made mistakes with older kids.. have a better handle on parenting etc..  And.. they do have the advantage of older siblings that you say care for them.. and having that to look up to and learn from can be valuable.  So, the youngers have some advantages.. but also deal with some limitations.

It's admirable that your SO is wanting to be a full time parent to his kids even if he doesn't have full time custody.  Supporting them at sporting events etc.. it's great he does that.. to a point.  If you find that he is "never" spending time with his younger kids.. or if it feels overly disproportionate (but keep in mind...your kids are there full time.. so they get daily access to him.. so that can factor in)... Before long, they will have their own sports and activities..   Maybe it wouldn't be bad to encourage your DH to take your youngers with him if the games are during their "awake" time?  He is their parent too.. and can care for them as well as you can.. they aren't "just" your responsibility.

Maybe a frank discussion.. more focused on how you would like to see more time spent with YOUR kids.. and why not take one or both with thim.. vs making it about him spending in your opinion too much time with his other kids... 

First, welcome. I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful perspective and advice from others who are living the blended family dream.

I am a Keep It Stupid Simple guy. So... here it goes.

Your DH owes you, his marriage, and the family you have created together 100%.  Right now, he does not prioritize you, your marriage, or your shared young children. Not something I would tolerate from the person who is supposedly my equity life partner.  You are all in. He isn't. Because he prioritizes his failed family baggage which leaves you and your children as something less than. 

As your husband and the father of your joint children his duty is to integrate his failed family progeny into your marriage, partnership, and family.  Not making you and your kids less than. So, make it clear that daddy needs to be all in and not the beck and call boy for his failed family progeny and his XW.  He owes his children with you every moment of his time. To make that happen, he either needs to integrate your SKids into the blended family or..... not. Either way, his primary duty is to the young kids whose turn it is at their ages which the other kids have had their turn at.  Even in an intact family, this IMHO holds true. The older kids do not get to take the younger kids turn away from them.  Older kids are more independent, can have sporting events without both parents there. Particularly when these older kids are CODs with a CO that splits their time between their CP and their NCP.

Just my thoughts of course.

Make the message clear and settle for nothing less than.

Take of you and take care of your LOs.  Apply your foot appropriately to DH's back side to forcibly eject and keep his heat out of his own butt.

I would make it clear that an occasional sporting event with his elder kids is one thing, but not in any way that detracts from his marital and young family duties.  IMHO, that means the 50/50 schedule dictates that he attends only SKid sports events etc... that occur on his half of the COd visitation schedule. BM has her half.  His 50% Skid schedule does not mean 100% of his 50% visitation schedule with his failed family progeny is only for them. He blends. Period. Dot.

The tendency for the second marriage and second marriiage kids to be subjugated to the failed family, the X, and the failed family progeny should never be tolerated IMHO.  The one bringing that baggage to the new family cannot be tolerated to fail to make their marriage and the associated family the priority.  Period. Dot. Their older kids are a joint top responsibility for the adults in the blended family marriage but they are not the priority.  Just as the joit children in the new family are the top responsibility for the adults in the family. The marriage and the adult partners are the priority.  Priority, and responsibility are two very different things.  That is a critical success factor in any marriage with kids.  Regardless of who created them.

IMHO of course.

As far as the "going to every game" thing, even in an intact family, if there are enough kids and they all play one or more sports, it would become impossible. This guy has at least 2, maybe more, kids with BM1. He has at least 2 with OP. All elementary age or younger. He doesn't have enough time in the day to be there for everything with every kid.

One might say OP knew what she was getting into but this guy got himself into his situation too. It's on him to make sure he gives each of his kids a fair amount of attention. And it's on him to make sure he gives his wife (of which he has only one, BM should not factor) a fair amount of attention. He's created a really big job for himself but *he* should have known what he was getting into.

Letting the moms and kids duke it out for his attention will only create more drama, but that's exactly what seems to happen in a lot of cases. These "poor" guys are just caught in the middle with all these women and kids obsessively scheming each other for a piece of their awesomeness. Puke.

Don't feel bad, OP. Anyone human would feel like you do in your situation. The idea of having your DH take the younger kids with him to the games may help. At least you can maybe do something you want to do or rest. And your DH may finally realize that all of these kids are his and start planning accordingly. When he can just flit between the 2 families with you picking up the slack, he might not grasp it. 

Hey there.  You are absolutely NOT alone!!  All of us on here at one point or another have gone through these isolating feelings.  I relate 100 percent.  I think over time my feelings have changed to more of general acceptance, but the isolation never goes away.  You feel you can only confide in so many people.  People who haven't gone through what we've gone through think it's a piece of cake, a walk in the park... it's simply not... that's the fairytale story society still tries shoving down people's throats.  You have a place here, and we welcome you with open arms! *biggrin*

I feel you! I see you and I completely understand. I'm a little late posting a reply but I read your post shortly after you submitted. First of all WELCOME! I haven't been here long myself but this site has been a godsend. I don't have kids of my own but otherwise my feelings are exactly like you describe. I had no idea how hard it would be to share my SO with another woman's children and how eager I am for the time that it is just the two of us. 
 

As much as I felt like I could fit into this little family unit and be the positive force in their lives, I have realized I also have to disengage for some level of my own sanity. I've read others posting about disengaging and have often wondered what that looks like exactly. I realize it's different for everyone. For me right now it's not complete and utter disengaging but stepping away from any parenting decision. As simple as "can i have a glass of milk?" is now met with "ask your father". 
 

I remeber telling my own mom how much i love my SD7 but can't wait for the times she is not here and how I felt guilt about saying that to her but bottom line this site gave me the permission for those feelings and thoughts that I can't share elsewhere. 
 

I also don't have any close friends in a blended family dynamic and my SO is the type of father that has to be at every game of my SS17 and SD7. I have accepted that because I 100% adore that about this man that he will not miss any event for his children. It's no issue with SS17 as he has a different BM and she is kind, giving and 100% wonderful. If you could choose the perfect coparent she is it. BM of SD7 is where I cannot deal... she creates so much anxiety, stress and tension just being who she is (narcissistic bat shit crazy manipulator). If she weren't in the picture I don't think I would have most of the issues or feelings about SD7 that I have. At the same time, I do believe I am just stubborn enough to have stayed and fought through all of the bs because I just can't let her (BM) win. Like no matter what!!! She bragged to me early on how she has been able to "run-off" anyone that my SO ever dated and she has tried hard with me  i mean every tactic you can think of. At year 3 she is still trying! My win is that it eats her up she hasn't been able to get rid of me! 

Anyhow- all of this to say that you are 100000% valid in your feelings... they will ebb and flow like the tide and the only thing you can do is change you, your perception or your circumstance. One day at a time my friend.