I've posted a few times here about a difficult situation in which SKids, particularly SD, are disrespectful, rude, and make it clear they don't want anything to do with me.   Both feel they have "ownership" at our house and act as if they're in charge.  They're grown adults now, and these patterns have existed through our ten year marriage. (to be clear, I have discussed this with my husband ad nauseam, and asked him to address the situation, but very little has been done. He says, "I'll talk to them," but I'm never part of those conversations so it's a triangulated communication pattern instead of a direct one." My question is this:  has anyone in this forum experienced a situation in which a long-standing pattern of disrespectful behavior from step kids actually changed?  Part of me believes my husband should step up and intervene.  But I think I should be the one to address situations as they occur, rather than expecting my husband to intervene. However, when he behaves as though her behavior is ok, I look like a b_tch if I address it. He believes, and others have said, it should be addressed by him with her alone, so as not too, embarrass her. Perhaps she should be embarrassed if she's behaving like a brat at age 28? I believe it should be addressed in the moment, in a direct assertive but not sarcastic way (ie "Do you want to try that again because I don't allow people to speak to me like that.") DH says this will embarrass her and make her mad.  I say, if he supports me and makes it clear he agrees with me, she'll either behave appropriately or not come around. (Problem is he then goes and does things with her making it known I'm not welcome, which I believe suggests I'm the problem.) I know, family dynamics are difficult, particularly stepfamily dynamics. But if I invited someone into my home and my child, or my spouse for that matter, was disrespectful and rude to them, I would likely call attention to this behavior and let them know I wasn't ok with it.  At the very least, I might be quiet and let my friend address the disrespectful behavior, letting my spouse or child know that I agreed with my friend.  I'm not a child and I don't need to be defended, per se. But on the other hand, because I didn't raise this child, I don't already have a relationship based on respect like I do with my own children. The thing is, I would never tolerate letting my children treat my husband the way he lets his children treat me. Hesays he can't make them like me. And they clearly don't.  But I believe he can make it clear that it's our home, and that they're not in charge. Does anyone have success stories and getting similar dynamics to improve?