My spidey sense is activated.
Uh oh. DH is showing signs of Father of the Year regression. Two red flags just today.
We ran into a friend at lunch, who was upset about a rift with his adult son. So DH starts giving him "advice." I did not snort my drink out my nose, but it was close there.
I know he misses his kids. SD occasionally responds to a text message with one or two words. He is still banned from seeing her or her kids. SS has been without a job for months. He brags about the number of applications he's done and there is always one or two "really great" interviews coming up, and he always seems to get into the final pool of candidates but never gets the offer. I don't know the job market in his field, but at this point I'd be doing some serious reflection on how I present myself, but nothing is ever his fault so, no.
Then DH mentions to me that he might need to use some of "his" money to help out SS since he hasn't worked in so long. It really is "his" money so I can't stop it. It just means less of a retirement cushion for him and ultimately me/us. He doesn't "do" money so he'll have to ask me how to access it. At least we will have a conversation about limitations and expectations.
My spidey sense is really flashing.
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Then DH mentions to me that
If he does fork over money to ss, it it were me, I'd definitely have some strings and expectations attached such as
A loan. Hahahaha.
A loan. Hahahaha.
I once loaned DH money and he was surprised that I expected him to pay it back. He would never ask his kids to pay it back or work it off.
McDonald's is always hiring
McDonald's is always hiring if he needs a job to tide him over until he gets the job of his dreams. So your husband is going to give his inheritance to his son and his daughter will get none of it? Bet that will go down well...
See? That's what I think too.
See? That's what I think too. But I keep my mouth shut.
As someone who moved in order
As someone who moved in order to help take care of my mother, who was growing old and had some health issues, I still had to work. I knew my situation was temporary so, just to be able to pay my bills, I took a job that was a 50% pay cut for me and quite a step down all the way around. Honestly, I would have waited tables with a master's degree TO PAY MY BILLS. Therefore, I wouldn't stay quiet about this one. Time for SS to put on his big boy pants.
Too bad these entitled
Too bad these entitled Skidmarks didn't get a dime for every excuse or double standard they come up with. They'd be set for life and wouldn't have to worry about them trying to mooch. That's why I cannot feel that sorry for sd29 or even these people I see panhandling every day. The kicker is that they are begging in the center of a huge shopping center surrounded by retailers like Walmart. Home depot just to name a few. One of them must be hiring im sure.Not to mention a huge mall down the street..bus lines run directly to and from all these locations at all hours of the day and late into the night.. So there's really no excuse.so I don't want to hear it. There are some solutions out there. Meanwhile..people like SD would rather wallow because she says she doesn't have options like everyone else which is horse shit. There are options..she just wants to take the easy quick way out.
Unjust double standard ...
Unjust double standard ... has entered the chat
Sales tax, state tax, and
^^^plus the Sales tax, state tax, loan origination fee, and convenience fee
Separate finances?
I highly recommend the separate finances plan. Not sure how your situation is but this has really saved grief here. Like your SS, my SD63 is on financial thin ice - on disability, unemployed, poor money manager, has unknown debt plus she's a master manipulator of soft-hearted Daaadddee. My DH87's default statement after he cant deny her lies and misdeeds is "She has always been there for me". I cant shake this belief but I can put a boundary around how much money he gets and I do. I never question what he does with his "allowance". When we made this agreement, we also agreed he wouldnt put anything of hers on the charge, either. I guess I'm buying peace but I can live with this.
Well, MY money is separate.
Well, MY money is separate. He has no savings. He lives off a decent pension and social security. I have those things too, but have also saved my whole life.
"His" money is a smallish inheritance from his sister. We segregated that so he could give something to his kids when he passed, assuming he hadn't needed it first.
Otherwise, I manage household funds in a joint account, and we both can buy reasonable things for ourselves. He doesn't abuse it---anymore.
Don't you just love
All the parental advice to others from failed parents?
It was truly hilarious.
It was truly hilarious.
Delusion runs deep. Reminds
Delusion runs deep. Reminds me of SS visiting us several years ago after a drug conviction. We had some friends over. The conversation, unfortunately, turned to SS and his plans for the future. Neither DH nor SS, of course, would mention the arrest, even though our visitors were talking about the military and how SS could, after law school (well, THAT was off the table then) could join the military as an officer. LOL. Neither DH nor SS guided the conversation elsewhere. They stayed VERY engaged in it. I felt like I had entered the twilight zone--NONE of what they were talking about was possible after a "guilty" drug charge.
This conversation would have been hilarious had it not gone on for 2+ hours. I kept trying to change the lunatic subject to no avail.
We've been down this road
We've been down this road once before when SS was self-medicating. That's exactly what we did--direct payments to merchants/services. DH had a real hard time about SS lying to him, but that's what addicts do. SS has been clean 8+ years, and I pray he doesn't relapse.
Giving advice... haha my
Giving advice... haha my husband always thinks he's the best parent too. He always going on about how he "raised Little Idiot right". He doesn't know the half of the cr@p she does and I bet your husband doesn't either re. his own son.
And the lofty goals? That's relatable too. Little Idiot always is just one step away from success. Nothing ever pans out of course but you gotta keep giving Daddy hope so he won't bail on you. Keep telling him the next great job (or in Little Idiot's case, degree) is right around the corner.
There are so many jobs out there
They don't pay well. But 60 hours a week at minimum wage is stilly money. $600 a week is $2400 a month. And will still have time to do job interviews.