I will give as brief a summary of the situation as I can, as it is complex to say the least.  

DH and I have been together almost 7 years.  DH was with BM for 25 years starting in high school.  Children of their marriage are (to me) SD25, SS21 and SD15.  All SKIDS live out of state with BM, who was an adulteress and is currently remarried.  Both BM and her husband are alcoholics and narcissists (by all accounts).  DH also has ExGF that has glommed onto BM and the kids.  

I have my own set of BK's, DS22, DS17 and DD13.  ExHB is mostly absent and not eligible for unsupervised visits.  My kiddos love DH for the most part and we don't have issues in our house.....until DH's kids present themselves and DH turns into a jerk.

SS21 got married last year to SDIL.  There are 3 children under 3, the youngest of which is SS21's.  The other two are not.  SS21 has been into drugs, heavy alcohol use and has on occasion tried to dismiss me from my own home because he was "here to see my dad, not you and your kids".  He's been better in recent years, but one just not just forget those words.  There was also an entire month-log visit of being treated like "the help" in my own home.  Nobody (including DH) helped cook, clean, or do anything to help.  And, I was hardly acknowledged or spoken to.  The last time SS21 and SDIL visited, they were smoking dabs in my yard where the neighbors could easily see them.  DH would not correct this, and balked when I asked that they do their drugs off my property.  

We attended their wedding last year, which cost us thousands.  We offered to help pay for the event, and were declined.  (We were later shamed by BM and others for "not contributing").  SS21 clearly did not tell them we offered and he declined.  We were not told the wedding time was moved up by half an hour, until 15 minutes prior to the ceremony starting.  And we were never told that the creepy ExGF was going to be the wedding planner, putting us in direct contact with her.  What a nice surprise that was.  I am still disturbed that SS21 and SDIL did not think to share that tidbit of information.  We were fully prepared to see her at the wedding - as a guest, but certainly unprepared to be bossed around by her.  Not to mention she was telling everyone that SS21 in fact had 3 mothers (including herself). It was, in no uncertain terms, a shizzshow.  I could not get out of there fast enough.  It took months to get over.  

During this wedding fiasco, SD25 shared that she and her fiance had decided to get married overseas.  DH will not travel overseas for security reasons.  SD25 was trying to coax him to attend, and said it was "parents only" and that my kids were not welcome.  She then proceeded to inform us that DH's ExGF was coming too.  That was a big 'ol heck no from us.  She is now estranged from us both and remains blocked on my social media, which I recently decided to shut down entirely.  

SD15 is still under CO for visitation.  It is now almost time to go get her (DH doesn't want to fly her both ways).  She's shared things said inside our home with BM, so I am now not as trusting of her as I once was.  In the meantime, SS21 and SDIL have DH's only grandchild, whom he has yet to meet.  DH wants to spend a couple of days with his precious son, and grandson.  I want nothing to do with it.  I am trying not to be rude, but I never got an apology for the apparent setup at the wedding.  And I am not going to apologize for being not so nice to the family interloper (ExGF).  

I don't trust or like any of the SKIDS at the moment.  I used to have such high hopes for overcoming their falsely placed blame that I somehow forced their dad to move out of state.  In fact, I counseled that he should think of his kids and how they would respond to that.  (He didn't care and put himself first anyway.)  There is no room for me in their equation, and the ExGF (who they hated before) is firmly inserted into their lives.  

So, I am thinking that I would be better off to grab a flight to Maui with my kids and avoid this dumpster fire in its entirety.  Otherwise, I am going to end up ditching DH and the SKIDS and staying with friends when our trip passes through their area, and rejoin DH once we are due to leave again.  

Any thoughts?