That Came Out of Left Field
DH tells me that his son (second oldest) called to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. It was left via voice mail as I was spending that special day with my two adult children, who treated me (and DH) to a lovely, expense free weekend out of town. DH played the message and sure enough, "I want to wish Ms. CajunMom a very Happy and Lovely Mother's Day."
First time in 17 years and one must remember...DH approached his kids in the past, asking them to acknowledge me on Mother's Day as my kids always acknowledge him on Father's Day. This son in particular says, "She's not our mom." I am and have always been okay with that stance from his kids. Personally, I would not want anyone to be confused and think I raised those humans. LOL
I told DH to send my thanks and left it at that. Still.....DHs kids have never showed kindness to me unless they wanted something. Time will tell...LOL
I want to add a note here...in the past, I would have reacted to that, probably in anger, taking it more as an insult or prodding by his kids. Today, it's a giggle and a move on. THAT is major for my healing; as I've mentioned in the past, I let DHs kids send me to a very dark place mentally and it's taken about 3 years to heal. Grateful for a good counselor, good freinds and all of you on this board. Thank you.
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Hmmmm
Chat GPT?
Maybe he's matured?
Stranger things have happened.
I admire
Your optimism.
Meh
I guess, at this point in life, I really don't give a good you know what. My life is good again. I'm at peace within myself, having done all I could do to be peaceful in this blended mess. And now, I shield myself from drama. I don't care about their motives. I care about keeping me emotionally healthy and safe. What ever they need, I'm not their source. They need to continue looking.
Most likely
An upcoming cash grab.
You just never know when
You just never know when these Skids might come out of the woodwork, right? That's the thing. Just when you think they are done with you. They try to suck you back in only to get reminders of why you decided to disengage in the first place. I want to say that Ive reached the same place where you are at now too, after years of people pleasing, overfunctioning and bending over backwards in StepWorld. Once I hit the point where the stress of it was negatively effecting my mental health and well being, I had to remove myself from the equation in order to get back to a good place emotionally as well There was no other way around it. Even though the twinges of guilt pop up, I feel more confident now knowing that this was the right move to make. Even though I learnded from SD29's recent outbursts, that Nothing Offends some people more than when You start focusing on yourself and setting limits to protect your peace over theirs. Thats just very telling to me that underneath all her Niceness and begging to be "close", that there have been ulterior motives in the works. People who react to your boundaries with such Vitrol usually do so when they thought they could use you as some kind of resource for their needs. Just like with your skids, they can just seek someone or something else to sponge off instead. They can call me unreliable and just stay mad for all I care now!
Something is up
Watch your back and front
One pleasantry does not erase
One pleasantry does not erase a lifetime of toxicity.
No one should give this type of thing anymore importance than all of the history that predeeds it stipulates that it is worth.
IMHO
"Thats nice." Is the response IMHO. Nothing more. If anyone wants to even waste that small breath.
I have never expected my SD
I have never expected my SD to acknowledge me on Mother's Day, as I am not her mother. I have never wanted my DH to push that on her, either (which he hasn't).
Step Mother's Day is tomorrow, and has been a holiday for about 20 years. Even so, if there has never been any kind of a bond between the SM and the step kids, it's pointless. It's about appreciation and recognition, so if the step kids don't appreciate anything that their SM has done for them, it's just an empy sentiment.
The person who truly appreciates me and the things that I have done for my SD is my husband. He always acknowledges me.
Being able to laugh (or just
Being able to laugh (or just chuckle) and roll our eyes IS healing. While, of course, being aware of a possible/probable ulterior motive(s). My skids, especially SD, never make a gesture of kindness toward me unless they need to butter up DH for cash or they want me to send a gift. I do not send gifts.
Once someone shows you who they are, believe them.
This is a great place to be
This is a great place to be @CajunMom, a very healthy way to handle this and a perspective that many of us should adopt. I am getting closer to this point - I had a pretty neutral reaction on Mother's Day and I wouldn't have been upset if I hadn't been acknowledged. It's kind of crazy and took me near a decade to be there. One nice gesture from one SKID and I thanked him but it didn't make my heart skip a beat whatsoever. The other one sent an obligatory message and made sure daddio was on it to see it. This also didn't make me angry but I saw through the gesture and sent a thank you. I left the day taking care of myself and not giving them much thought. It's still a work in progress but I am hitting neutrality and that's a peaceful place.
It's Been A Journey
And it took a LOT of years to finally "get it." Maybe getting so low in my mental health shook me up?? I am not going to lie that there are times those things still hurt but I process them quickly and move on. Best to you on the Healing Journey, ImperfectlyPerfect.
WIP
We are all on that road together. So glad you got this far to meh