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Dance double standard

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Thu, 05/09/2024 - 11:29am

My in laws never missed one of SD's dance recitals, as long as SD, BM or DH asked them to go, they went. Recitals were always on Father's Day weekend.

SD is doing a high school dance team now and hasn't had a recital since before COVID and before DH and I had our kids. But if there is an SD event the in laws always make sure to be there.

Well my DD4 is doing ballet and has a show Father's Day weekend. I asked my DH if he wanted to invite his family to her show and for the weekend or if he'd prefer a low key father's day. He thought about it and wanted to spend time with his dad BBQing so he said yes. It's over a month so there is plenty of time to plan.

So the invite went out and it was crickets for days. I assume the in laws were having a sidebar. Then came the excuses. I'm not going to try to convince them to come. My DH is hurt but I'll plan something nice for him.

Typical. I'm sure the in laws would trip over themselves to be there if SD wanted to go but it's crickets from her too.

It turned out exactly like I expected but we still went through the motions to do the right thing. Bleh.

 

Comments

MorningMia's picture

Submitted by MorningMia on Thu, 05/09/2024 - 12:07pm

You also invited SD to DD's recital/Father's Day weekend and she's not responding? Hmmm. Sad that people can't put whatever awkward emotions they have to the side for a 4 yo and for their own son/father. Regarding SD and BM, have things always been ok with everyone as long as it's on their turf? In too many families, this "favorites" bs and turf wars play out. I think it's especially bad in blended families. Sorry. I hope your daughter doesn't know that others have chosen not to attend her recital, and I hope you all have a wonderful father's day weekend. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Thu, 05/09/2024 - 5:08pm

Favoritism is rampant and obvious in my husband's family. He, and everyone associated with him except SD, are being punished because he got divorced.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 05/09/2024 - 12:12pm

I have no kids, so no blended family issues.

But I read of this often. Its like they feel bad for the skid because her family "broke apart", and feel like shes missing out on the intact family experience, so they have to "make it up to her/them".

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Thu, 05/09/2024 - 8:35pm

Agree with CLove

the grands are probably operating out of guilt for some imaginary suffering they think the skid is experiencing that your bios from a 2 parent home are not 

It's hogwash imo but I'm not a grandparent of a blended family so idk what I'd do in the situation 

Idk get some god-grandparents for your 4yo and invited the god-grandparents to events. Bet if a pair of retirees show up in their place they'll get jealous and step up to the plate for your 4yo too. 
 

If you give them the benefit of the doubt maybe they're simply getting older and tired and figure your 4yo will be okay since you both are attending and the kid is so young she won't even remember them being there. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Thu, 05/09/2024 - 9:48pm

It's funny (funny weird not funny haha) that the grandparents think they are helping SD by blatantly showing favoritism, but they are actually making things worse by sowing the seeds of resentment and discontent within her immediate family. This seems to be a common theme within failed families. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 05/15/2024 - 3:25pm

Time to bare the double standard asses of the ILs. I would.

"So, why is it you jump through  your asses backwards for countless years of dance events for SD and won't give your youngest GK the time of day?  Hmmmmmm?  Please explain. We are waiting.  Don't force us (me and DH) to tell our daughter that her GPs don't give a shit about her and care only for her failed family elder half sib."

Time for the buttercup ILs to buckle up and keep their butt cheeks clinched because  you are boing to be baring their asses wholesale for the duration if they don't pull their heads out of their asses and invest in their younges GK equitably to how they have invested in the failed family fecal matter spawn.

Scrub their noses in the stanky stain they have built on their life carpet and do it in clear view of their son, the one YOU are married to, so he knows that his parents/family will suffer the 10 biblical plagues of Egypt at your hand if  they do not fix their shit and start demonstrating to your DD that she matters and your DH will have to have your back.

Bring the pain!!!!!

Diablo