Honestly I love my stepdaughter(12F) alot and im not sure calling her stepdaughter is the appriopriate title. But titles can be weird and limiting. Her situation is uncommon but not abnormal. Her father got a woman pregnant from a one night stand way before he met me. The thought of that bothers me, but it happens. The woman already had multiple kids from multiple people *not to be hateful but that already shows her character, birth control isnt that hard* and she didnt know she was pregnant untill 4-5 months in. He found out at month 5 through a text from a texting app of someone poking at him. He wasnt involved in the pregnancy, he did arrive at hostpital to take baby home with him. He took her for full custody and chose to raise the child himself and fully support it. He doesnt recieve child support. Tbh the whole situation seems to be alot of hate and I have nothing but empathy for the child. However, this woman would occasionaly try to poke her nose in throughout the early stages of the childs life by random visits like 5-7 a year, playing the im a "good mom" card, even tho shes never offered any financial asstiance or true interest or support. It seems she merely did things out of guilt. Anyway when the child was around 6 or so, she moved across the country. Now at 11-12 shes been poking her nose in again and sending random cheesy gifts like "to my daughter". I feel she simply doesnt want to loose her title of mom in her head *she never really had* nor control over a situation shes not even involved in anyway.

I feel its confusing and hurtful to my partner's n I's child. I dont think someone should automatically earn the title mom just because they bore a kid. She has shown over the years inconsistancy and neglect towards mulitple children not just the one who lives with my partner and I. Her desires for reaching out are selfish and shallow. She is not her mom. I know people may argue that, but until you live and see and feel the psychological damage it does to a child to see someone who claims to be their mom treat them like this, you then see how freeing it is for the child to say shes not her mom. My stepduaghter doesnt deserve this inconsitant treatment and selfish actions from a lady who feels guilty for being a irresponsible selfish woman. 

I think i just needed to get that off my chest. I dont claim to be her mom, but I do think of her as my daughter. She is very confused and hurt right now at a point in her life when shes trying to figure out who she is. but if one day she decides she wants me in that position,  I have already accepted. I absolutely adore her. She is beautiful and so strong. And I have to brag a bit, she hugs me and tells me shes loves me. And does refer to me as her parent. 

To be honest, before this whole situation I was selfish with my love. I would've never dated someone with a kid and accepted their kid they made with another human as my own, I was too jelous. But now I see love so much differently. This poor child was not made from a loving situation but her father chose to step up and love her the best he could. And I love him and her. And some may say this is wrong, but I agree with my partner that all contact with this woman should be 100% cut off, there is barely any anyway. The woman is unhealthy and entitled. She claims to be a mom but isnt a mom. On facebook she post pictures of the kid on her birthday *not every year, mind you* and mothers day, pictures that she steals from other accounts and claims to love the kid publicly. I think its wrong, she should grow up and stay away. If she really cared, she wouldnt have abandonded the kid or neglect her own kids. Tbh if she cared, she wouldnt have so many accidental pregnancies(3). Sounds harsh, but think about it, if your body can bring life into the world a caring person would try to be responsible with making it... 

Some may say biological ties or natural bonds make it so she is always her mom, shes not. That just doesnt fit this situation at all. Daughter doesnt even have gooey feelings towards her and honestly seems uncomfortable when the lady reached out two days after christmas to say "merry christmas", what a joke. The call was 4 mins and two days late. Why does this woman have to be so fake and manipulate a child my partner and I love. Thats why we cut her off. Shes not her mom, were not doing anything wrong by trying to provide a stable situation for her.

It urkes me when I see people say *about different situations online* well shes biological so she'll always be her mom and has more right to the child, no not true. Women can be just as neglectful and selfish as men. Sure in healthy wanted situations there is a bond between mother n child, but I dont believe so in every situation. That woman didnt develop some special bond that makes her maternal and care about the childs best interest, its just not there. She acts on selfish and convenient desires, not motherly ones. She acts completely fake and out of the blue like she magically loves her. The one time she did call after christmas she did the gooey "ohh my daughter, hi sweetie, i miss you" voice and its beyond fake. And tbh it kinda hurt me, but I imagine it hurt and confused the child more. The woman just wants attention when she wants it, thats it. 

I would never treat a child like that. And I look forward to the memories my partner, duaghter, and I can make. I am so happy I met my partner and her. I absolutely adore them. I just hope she can realize one day how much I love her and that I chose to love her. I will gently continue to be a mom to her without crossing her emotiomal boundaries because in my eyes she is my daughter. And all I can do is hope that in time it helps mend her and she'll continue to accept me and our bond can grow.