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Friday Freedom & Sunday Dread

PushedToMyLimit's picture

Submitted by PushedToMyLimit on Fri, 03/08/2024 - 11:19am

Like so many step parents who have their SK's FT I celebrate the 2 Friday's a month SS10 exits our home and think about the wonderful weekend ahead...but man it is always met with already thinking about the Sunday dread of his return. Hope if you are free of SK's this weekend you find some time to enjoy it, be thankful for even the small window of freedom and celebrate this page, which continues to help many of us stay sane & out of jail Smile

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JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Fri, 03/08/2024 - 11:32am

Before my 3 SKs moved in FT, we had them every Friday from when school let out til late Sunday night.  I so remember my dread as Friday approached and my happiness when the door closed on them Sunday.  So, yes, I understand where you are coming from.

Looking back, it's amazing that my life went better once they moved in FT.  BM seldom, or actually never, took them on the weekends.  I guess it was the transition that was so tough.  I realize now that the transition must have been hard on them, too.  But in those transition years, all I could cope with was how difficult it was for me.  Sigh.....steplife....

PushedToMyLimit's picture

Submitted by PushedToMyLimit on Fri, 03/08/2024 - 1:58pm

And I like my space. It's a catch 22 because I enjoy the freedom but sadly like many of the kids on this page, he would be so much better off if BM exited the picture because she has no real interest in him. She lives 20 minutes away & isn't much involved (except her 2 weekends), yet enough to cause him emotional turmoil and false hope. All those 4 days result in is more counseling, attention seeking behavior, her filling his head with lies & us in constant damage control mode. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 03/08/2024 - 1:51pm

The blended family oppostion had a long distance visitation schedule. While we did not have the Friday freedom element, we did have the Sunday dread element. Just on a 3x per year schedule instead of EOWE.

For us it started with what I refer as "pre visitation behavioral degredation".  SS would lose his mind and start whining, being a shit, etc....  After visitation we had "post visitation behavioral detox".

We did eventually learn to enjoy our Skid free couple time together when SS was in SpermLand.  It took a while. His mom struggled with guilt over doing things while he was gone as he was not present to do those things with us, with our friends, and with my family.  I ultimately had to tell her that I would no longer stop out lives while SS was in SpermLand.  She reluctantly got on board.   After a couple of years, she learned to enjoy  the couples kid free times and even activities with my family while SS was in SpermLand.

PushedToMyLimit's picture

Submitted by PushedToMyLimit on Fri, 03/08/2024 - 2:11pm

in a prior post, I told his father we have a zero tolerance policy on the return transition. Whatever occurred on the weekend, his father can address with him on the way home or in his room but he is not to come spread his poor behavior or attitude to the common home areas & make the rest of the family pay for any of it. I won't have it. He can relax in his room & bring himself back to civilization and then integrate into the rest of normal once he remembers what normal is. 

I am extremely lucky that my SO understands my point of view & he too enjoys the freedom of his sons departure so we take full advantage of our time. He knows the stress SS10 brings in our home & is not blind to any of it. He doesn't own rose colored glasses or I would have walked long ago. He takes SS to the store with him or on errands when he goes etc to provide extra space for me & if it wasn't for those additional efforts as well as other efforts SO makes, this would not have continued. I also self admittedly am easily irritated and particular which makes for an extremely rough road as I don't advise that personality to ever sign up for being a step parent. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 03/08/2024 - 3:04pm

The partnership that you and SO have is powerful for you both and for the kids in the mix.

When we landed on no tolerance for transition drama prior to and after SpermLand visitation, the tension decompressed incredibly from where we were before we hit on the rules.  The Skid knew the rules, and that the rules are there until the second he left for SpermLand, and were there the second he returned.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Fri, 03/08/2024 - 3:24pm

Reading around on here, I realize that being an introvert made steplife harder for me than if I'd had a different personality.  Like you, I craved alone time.  Thank heavens, in the "transition years", DH took all 5, his 3 and my 2, out of the house on Saturdays for hours at a time.  We bought a horse for SD and it was at a ranch that had lots of woods and a lake.  So, the girls could mess with the horse and the boys could fish.  Those hours alone enabled me to get thru it.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sat, 03/09/2024 - 9:20am

There are many free things to do. Or things at little cost. Visiting a museum with a dinner later. Free concerts, free events, fairs.  Taking up a hobby.   I had my SK 24/7/365. Any time/ adult time alone / was looked as a win.  I always felt that they first husband had months alone before kids.  Just wanted some of that.  
'People / non SP. don't understand what SP give up.  That adult alone time could make the marrage just work better.