Congratulations on leaving that dysfunctional mess.

My advice is that you read around on here and read the stories that are laid out. You are not wrong in feeling that you left a dysfunctional relationship and step situation. Do not go back, because it will not get better it will definitely get worse. If you have the means, file for child support, and custody. Get court orders. Get your ducks in a row. Build your support system, separate from your ex.

Just for fun here is a list of what is totally wrong in your relationship with baby daddy:

1. He doesnt priorotise your relationship. Intact families do not make the children the center of everything. The primary relationship is the center of the family universe. That is HEALTHY.

2. His leaving you out of the milestones and relegating you to the back end, so he can "play happy family" with BM1 and SS6. Ill bet he doest that at holidays too. This makes BM his "wife" and you are the dirty secret "mistress". You need to be the star of his show and your show too.

3. Bending over backwards for BM1 (you are BM2 now) with no structured visitation and no boundaries. You are the free childcare. This will continue until SS is older and more independant, and once you are done raising her son, you will be thrown out like dirty water, BM1 will take her place as his mother that is perfect and then she will demand he hate you. Aks me how I know.

Vent as much as you need to, its going to be a long haul.

You are gone. Stay gone.  For your own sake and the sake  and for the sake, health, and future of your baby.

My DW left SpermLand when SS-31 was 1yo to attend University out of state.  As a then single teen mom she had full physical and legal custody from birth.  There was no visitation order due to SS being an infant.  The CO was not updated to include visitation until SS was 2yo.  Because DW and SS had already moved out of state, the visitation shecule was long distance and very limited.  DW never returned to SpermLand to live after leaving for University.

That is in all liklihood what ultimately kept SS from wallowing in the same life failure shit puddle that the SpermClan does.  SS-31 is the eldest of 4 all out of wedlock Spermidiot spawn by three different baby mamas.  My son is a viable adult, a man of character and honor, and a man of standing in his profession and community.  His three younger SpermClan half sibs are a trainwreck. Spermidiot spawn  #2 is on the dole, #3 is convict serving a long prison sentence, and #4 is not far behind the inmate.

In my/our experience, likely the most effective coping strategy is to move away from the opposition side of your baby's gene pool.  Move far enough to stay out of the EOW/EOWE or 50/50 visition and custody range.  In SpermLand jurisdicition that is 200miles. When DW left with SS for University, she never has lived nearer than 1200 miles to SpermLand.  Since you are pregnant, you can move now without any say from SpermDad.  Once your baby is born, that could be more problematic.  If you have family out of State, go there. If your career will allow, move to a great new work opportunity ... in a different State.

Your confidence is a great asset.  Take care of  you and your little one.  When you are ready you will find a great equity life partner to make a life with and who will be a huge asset as an equity parent to your child.

DW and I met when SS was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo.  We set the example of a strong marriage and a quality family.  We raised SS together. As equity life partners we both agreed that we would be equity parents to any children in our relationship. As it turned out, SS-31 is an only child in our marriage.  I'm his dad. I raised him as my own.   He asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen.

Stay your confident course.

Congratulations on your LO.

I'm sorry, but you are mostly raising this kid, but birthday parties are for SS, BM, and your boyfriend?! The kid blows up SO's phone so you can't enjoy a date and he's only 6? How does a 6-year-old even have a phone to blow up your SO's phone? So much wrong. 

Welcome to StepTalk, Ms.FiguringItOut!

Considering the completely unacceptable circumstances of your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, I’m amazed that you managed to tolerate it for 3 years. The man, despite having divorced his son’s mother, is enmeshed with her to the point where he continued to celebrate their child’s milestones with her to the exclusion of the woman who was supposed to be his partner!

Hon, no sensible woman would stomach that dysfunctional mess for long. You were wise for having escaped and should not ever return to a situation so humiliating and soul-destroying. Your ex has already made it plain that he has no intention of changing, having indicated that

…he wants our baby to be just like his son and wants to allow him to pick names…

If I were in your shoes, I’d file for child support before the child is born and keep myself and the babe as far away from the ex as possible. I was a single mom from the time that my daughters were 4- and 5-years old resp., having divorced a cheating, abusive psychopath. He fled across the country to avoid paying child support and I was damned glad to see the back of him. My girls are well educated, successful businesswomen and, although being a single mother had its drawbacks, I wouldn’t change it; it takes only one sane parent to raise a child. 

Congratulations on your upcoming, joyous event! Do you know the sex of your baby? Trust me on this, Hon, when you hold your newborn in your arms, it’ll be the happiest moment of your entire life and all the negativity will fall away.

To put it somewhat bluntly.. Two wrongs don't make a right.  

Why compound the problem by forging forward into a relationship you don't want.  It will just make things unnecessarily complicated and unhappy in the future.

I would resolve and assure him that you will work to come to a fair agreement so he will be in his new child's life, but that you are not interested in a relationship.. and get yourself to a lawyer now to see what he may be obligated to assist with.

ESMOD is correct: two wrongs don't make a right.

You left. You only went back because you're pregnant. It's almost 2024. You do not have to live with or marry this man. Get to a lawyer and move forward as a mom who is happy to be single. Trying to force a relationship is miserable. 

"' This hurts me because his son and I have an amazing relationship "".  Your quote..You don't have a amazing relationship, SS is controlling your life. BUT your bigger problem is BF.  He's letting SS control his life too and goes along with it. Let SS have input in baby's name. NO.   No child free weekends, NO.  He should be telling his DS not to call him when he's out with you, unless there's blood. Involved. 
'Once you sit on SS all he'll going to break loses.  BF HAS TO STOP THE DISNNNNEY DADDDY  stuff. Your tge adults he the child.

I went through very similar experiences 

This dude would cut our dates short bc his kids wanted to do something else, he would take calls/interrupt our dates to shoot the sh*t with them, unbeknownst to me they had his location and his kids / exwife by proxy knew his whereabouts.....which leads me to custody times when he's kids could see where he was and demand to be picked up at their (their breeders) convenience 

Then they'd come to the house (his pickup times constantly change and often times I'd get 2 hr or less notice) be loud af, heavy footed, roaming the house all fn night, eat after I close the kitchen thus wasting crumbs everywhere and leaving dishes in the sink, treat my home like it was a 24/7 rave, invite their friends/family over with little to no notice, be loud as h3ll, his teenage son would take showers everyday during the weekend but would not wash the shower nor towels he used, and just annoying behaviors the Disneyland dad refused/was slow to check (hence why I left him 2 days ago bc I'm not dropping the quality of my life because this dude is heavily and unnecessarily child/centered...these kids aren't fresh out the womb infants who need to be coddled)

They also thought they had dude on some 24/7 man servant hotline. I raged at him for accepting calls on speaker phone in our bedroom before 7am and after 9pm

I'd sure love to see the changes made when it all falls on 'the dude' to clean up after his ferals, do all of the cooking and child-minding as well as the everlasting steppin' and fetchin' aka known as the 'Bitch Beck n' Call Service'. In addition to missing you in more ways than one (the 'quota' comes to mind), he'll be a sad and busy fellow. I almost feel sorry for him.