I don’t want SD 16 living with us full time
We're a blended family of 6. My husband has two kids from his previous marriage 16f & 13m
we have two kids together baby girl6 months & boy7years old
we live in a 3 bedroom home. Current living situation is skids come every weekend. The two boys 13 &7 share a room. Step daughter has her own room. And the baby shares a room with us. Our house is really small. We live in CA and can not afford to buy a bigger home. We've looked into it. Which is sad because we both have good paying full time jobs.. the skids mom decided to move about 1.5 away from our town. Where she lived at before about a year ago.
So yesterday when husband went to get the kids. Their mom mentioned that 16f daughter had talked to her about moving in with us full time so she can finish high school down here. Honestly I don't want her here full time. For one she constantly plans things on weekends she's here without letting us know.. which is annoying because she does not drive nor has way to get to and from so thinks we should stop what we're doing to shuffle her back and forth. Mind you the school she was at here in town wasn't in our district. It was her old moms district and that's where she wants to return to. Which would only make things complicated as we already struggle with our help with getting our bs7 to school and baby girl 6months to day care. I start super early and work out of town. And so does hubby. That's where the sitter comes in. Honestly I don't want SD distrusting our life just because she wants to finish school over here. She does well at the school she's at.
SD16 wants to move in with
SD16 wants to move in with Dad and Mom is ok with it. Is there something else going on? Mom being perfectly fine with it does not track with me. I wonder if something is happening in the background that you are not aware of.
Remind SD that baby girl will soon be moving out of your room and she will be sharing full time soon if she moves in.
BM stated to my husband that
BM stated to my husband that she does not want her to.. but I also think she knows that if we possibly wanted to take it to court the judge would probably let the kids decide so imo I believe she is trying to just work with her.
Yeah, SD wants to move out,
Yeah, SD wants to move out, mom is ok with it - what kind of behavior problems are going on? A mom who is willing to let her child move out is one who can't handle her.
She can plan all she wants
She can plan all she wants but you don't have to comply. It's up to her to find a solution to get to school. If you don't want her gallivanting around all weekend, well, it's your home and your rules.
Like PP,I would want to know why BM is posing no problem.
Then it's time for a serious
Then it's time for a serious sit down talk with your DH, about what you both want, what happens if you say no and if you say yes (as a couple). And if you are not in agreement what are the issues and can they be resolved?
Can you do an addition to
Can you do an addition to your home? I'd sit down with DH and make him face reality about her moving in.
You don't really have the
You don't really have the space and you definately don't have the time. How is she supposed to get to school? Tell her if she wants to live there, she has to go to school in district and take the bus. That kindof defeats the purpose of her moving.
Adults simply do not disrupt their jobs and lives so a kid can go to the school they want to (particularly since it it because "friends" and not "better education").
ETA: if she moves in now at 16, what happens at 18/high school graduation? Leaving for college? Laying around doing nothing but being "close to friends". Nah. Big pass on her moving in. It will be hard to get her out and you will NEED the space for your daughter.
For starters, I'd be telling
For starters, I'd be telling DH that HE would be responsible for everything related to SD, including getting her to and from school, all other transportation, all cleaning related to SD that she didn't do herself, etc. I'd also make it clear that SD would be sharing a room with DD and would need to act accordingly (i.e., keep the room clean, not interrupt DD's sleep, not have anything around that could be harmful to DD, not expect much privacy as she can't just go into DD's room, shut the door and keep her out, etc.)
Does your DH want SD there? If he really doesn't or is on the fence, then if what BM is saying is true, if DH tells BM he won't go to court over this, presumably BM will be the bad guy and tell SD she has to go with her. Problem solved. What is the CS situation? Might that be another way to influence BM?
This just sounds like a lot of stress on your family to accommodate a teenager's desire to go to a particular school. Lots of teens switch high schools. SD can, too.
I would make sure that SD
I would make sure that SD understands that if there was a change.. that the school she wants to attend is a non-starter... she would be going to the school in the district where your home is so she could ride the bus. That is non-negotiable.. and a hill to die on for you.
As far as running her around.. she is 16.. and would she be driving soon? what were the plans for her having a car?
She may not be so interested when she learns she won't be going to school with her buddies... and she would have to also understand that she would be sharing a room in your home.. and a teen girl may not be all excited when the realities of it are laid out.
I don’t get SD calling all the shots
If she moves in.... she goes to your school, where she rides the bus. She lives in the room you tell her with DD No other way
I would explain to everyone
I would explain to everyone that IF sd moves in, there is no shuffling to an out of district school. She will be moving schools one way or the other.
The bedroom situation sucks for sure, but it is what it is. Not everyone can afford a 5 bedroom house to give all kids their own rooms. No one would have batted an eye when I was growing up about sharing rooms, I wouldn't stress over how much the kids like it. Its a couple of years until SD ages out.
OP, chances are that when you
OP, chances are that when you tell her she WILL be sharing a room with the bubs, and she WILL be taking the bus to the local school, she will decide she's NOT coming to live with you after all
Also, make sure your husband doesn't go behind your back and promise things that he can't deliver (but will expect you to) eg driving her to her school of choice, giving her a bedroom of her own etc etc...
NFW.
Sounds like a no to me. All things considered.
'First, mother, by court
'First, mother, by court order, must pay support ( change of custody if need be). She's out on 18 th birthday...Have basement or attic? Give her a single bed there, no frills. No car. . Tell BM to come and take ker to and from your district school. No friends over Or bf. Has to keep all grades B or above avg. .. Buys her food. Certainly no alcohol or drugs. In general, as distasteful as possible. She'll probably reconsider.
This situation sounds fishy.
This situation sounds fishy. Usually, BMs don't want their kids to live with the ex and the step. I'm wondering if BM is getting sick of dealing with her daughter and is looking to make her you and DH's problem 100% of the time.
I would also be concerned about the future. Will she launch when she's 18 or make an attempt to do something with herself? Or will she just lay around your house, "I can't find a job" and "life is hard" like some of them do. There are many things to consider here.
I agree with Rags, I think it would be a no from me. She's 16, she only has a few years of highschool left. Your house is small, you have other kids to consider and she sounds very high maintenance.
Please keep us posted!
you're in a pinch... give DH
you're in a pinch... give DH your input and if it happens do your best to do NOTHING extra... otherwise it will get messy