Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
So after a visit with BM and SD's brothers was ended early, because BMs boyfriend was present for the visit and hes not supposed to be. He literally snuck into the library after the visit started and sat at a table next to Bm and the kids but pretended he didnt know her, it gave very stalker/creeper vibes. This entire situation with the boyfriend has bothered me and grandAngel for months! Something just isnt right about him. Bm could easily have him cleared to be on visits if he did a background check through CPS. BM not doing this has raised some red flags, however we were only ever given the boyfriends initials as his name, like DJ or BJ. So looking him up has possed as a challenge these last 6 months.
GrandAngel and grampAngel had some time on their hands and decided to do some very willy nilly searching and by a wild stroke of luck they found something. They found his full name, Youl never guess where. The states sex offender registry. Hes a lifetime registered sex offender. The statute that he was convicted under says that he used force or cohersion to initiate sexual contact with a minor child under the age of 14, He was over the age of 21 at the time. This was shocking, I figured he had a record but never thought that BM would have been forcing a man like that onto her kids so hard. She brings him to EVERY visit, even though SD doesnt know him and doesnt want to, its the same with SD's brothers too. Hell sit in the car in the parking lot and watch the whole visit like a weirdo even. Bm tries to force SD to talk to him and engage with him on visits too.
GrandAngel was in shock and thought that she should contact grandhag to discuss it. (grandAngel and Grandhag have had a decent relationship for the kids sake, this has started to change since grandAngel doesnt have to worry about anyone taking off with her grandson and not getting to see him. She now sees that Grandhag is BMs biggest enabler.)
Well surprise surprise Grandhag wasnt phased by the news. The first thing she asked was "oh, how did you find that? his name is really hard" and then "did you find anything else".... DO WE FRIGGIN NEED TO? THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? THATS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO WANT TO PROTECT YOUR GRANDKIDS, GRANDDAUGHTER IN PARTICULAR. THIS IS THE CLOWN THAT BM HAS WANTED US TO LEAVE HER AND SD UNATTENDED WITH FOR 6 HOUR LONG VISITS TWICE A WEEK? AND YOUR WORRIED ABOUT HOW WE FIGURED OUT HIS NAME!!!!!!!!! Unless this isnt new information to her. Like she already knew, and had time to process, she seemed to already know his name, which makes me think that she was trying to help BM cover up who her boyfriend was this whole time.
Our attorney said it isnt enough to keep SD from visits that hes present for, and that Grandhag talking crap about DH and I to and in front of SD at her last visit with her isnt enough to rescind consent for her to supervise. I hate this process so much!! What is good for our case in court and what is best for SD arent the same thing, and if we dont do whats good for the case, then we risk her going back to her shit show of a BM. Im so so angry that this system is so broken that it cares more about childsupport guidlines and that that its getting paid then they do about the mental and emtional wellbeing of these kids. Dads get the short end of this stick, almost every single time. My DH is still paying medical assistance for SD to be on BMs insurance, even though shes not, shes on ours. BM hasnt paid a dime in the almost year that weve had full custody, hasnt bought any clothes, shoes, nothing. but has consistantly asked DH and I for money (for cigarettes or gas) at the visits hes bent over backwards to make happen because she wont do what shes supposed to, in order to see her own daughter. She hasnt even asked to see her since the weekend before halloween... I digress. Sorry it turned into a bit of a rant.
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Comments
Your attorney's advice, hmmmm
Your attorney's advice, hmmmm? This is pretty serious stuff. I'd get a second opinion.
Or maybe an angel can make a call to cps?
yikes!
I agree with this
I have seen cases where GF's and BM's have been forbidden to care for Skids because BM threw a fit, even without valid cause- this feels far more serious than that. I would be surprised if a judge would do nothing. CPS is a good place to start.
I can't imagine a scenario where I would date a man who raped a minor under 14 when he was over 21.
Idk how Bm doesnt crawl out
Idk how Bm doesnt crawl out of her skin being with him, it ties my stomach in knots just thinking about it. CPS is already involved with BMs sons, we filed for emergency custody of SD 2 months before CPS took her brothers. They cant help us cuz were just on the other side of state borders and SD isnt involved in that case.
BM doesnt have custody of any
BM doesnt have custody of any of her children. CPS was notified because the visits (with her sons) are occuring under their supervision, all they are able to do is end a visit early if the boyfriend is present. There are no restrictions on registered sex offenders in our state, so there isnt much we can do.
Can you insist that the
Can you insist that the visits be held in the children's section of the library? While allowed in the library, in my area, a person on the registry sitting in the children's area would be a violation.
There are no restrictions on
There are no restrictions on sex offenders in our state. like literally non, not even "you cant live within such proximity to a school" Nada. I was speachless when I looked it up.
BM is supposed to find a third party that DH has to agree to, to supervise her visits. The only people shes ever offered was an Ex BF who got a domestic assult charge for beating the crap out of her and her current pedo boyfriend. Both of with my hubsband denied as supervisors on the fact that significant others are not appropriate supervisors in these cases.
Although there may no be
Although there may no be restrictions for adult victims, there may be restrictions if the victim was a minor. For example, Iowa is a state with exclusions if the victim was a minor, but the restrictions do not apply if the victim was an adult.
https://www.iowasexoffender.gov/faq/content
This is actually pretty
This is actually pretty helpful, I did some research but didnt seem to stumble upon the difference in minor vs adult victims. Bm and her bf dont frequent our state though, they mostly stay in nebraska, so i will have to look into the restrictions over there for SO with minor victims. THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you so much for this
Thank you so much for this suggestion. There are indeed restrictions in our state for offenders of minor victims. This will be very helpful in the future for doing visits.
Can you somehow leak this
Can you somehow leak this information to someone who is a mandated reporter? Maybe ask a school counselor for their opinion?
Everyone over the age of 18
Everyone over the age of 18 in the state of NE and IA are mandatory reporters... Im unsure what telling CPS this information is supposed to do? BM doesnt have custody of any of her kids right now. Her two other kids were taken by CPS and there is no involvement with CPS on our end because... well we arent abusing or neglecting her. The judge transfered custody care and control to DH back in January without a CPS investigation.
Just trying to figure out your thought process here because Im not going to call CPS on DH and myself and her other children have already been removed from her care.
The idea is to ensure that a
The idea is to ensure that a registered sex offender is kept away from innocent children. Your attorney maybe doesn't think that you have enough information to stop the bf being around for visitation with BM but maybe CPS thinks otherwise.
Gross, unbelievable that this
Gross, unbelievable that this isn't enough. I would still bring it up with the judge. Say it to the judge yourself if your lawyer won't do it. It isn't safe to have a child around a predator like that. Unbelievable. Your judge can't unhear it. Get a court reporter and buy the transcripts for your records. Our system sucks, where have societies priorities gone?
The judge will be informed
The judge will be informed when we go back to court in Feb for the custody trial. There isnt much we can do until then though.
I wish I could say I was
I wish I could say I was surprised but I’m not. When my DH asked for court supervised visitation they reprimanded him and told DH he would have to pay for it. Ex (Meth Mouth) was facing her second felony charge for drugs. She never took the visitation (1 hour weekly at a local fast food joint), then she got arrested again and the judge decided that GrandHag was a good enough supervisor and gave her EWO with four hours per day. DH would see Meth Mouth out with Spawn alone, he would report it to his lawyer who would just tell him there wasn’t much they could do. We even did welfare checks through the police and it didn’t do any good. CPS was even involved and recommended that Meth Mouth not be around Spawn until she had been in rehab and clean for several months, the judge ignored it. The system sadly caters to these types of cases because it means more time in court and more money spent.
As for the Pedo I would start recording him with your phone if it’s legal to do that in your state, let it be obvious you have him on video, maybe that will scare him off to at least not show up. If the visit is at a local place maybe you can let them know there is a Pedo on the premises looking at children. Since it doesn’t appear the Bowel Movement (BM) is exercising her rights to her time that is a positive as it keeps this creep away.
Hire a PI and any time this POS is within violation distance
of any child, have his disgusting child mollesting ass arrested. See how he likes being the lifer's shower bitch in prison with the big boys. Even they don't tolerate the like of BM's pervert BF.
Then file chages of child endagerment against BM. Over, and over and over again until you have exhausted every possible option to protect these kids from the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool.
We understand the frustration of not being able to gain traction to get the courts to actually protect kids that are cursed with a POS parent in our blended family situations.
My SS's Spermidiot is a serial statutory rapist. DW wsa 16 when SS was born. SpermDad was 23. He had been with a 16yo prior to dating my DW, and cheated on her with another 16yo when DW was 18. That is what motivated DW to kick him to the gutter that he never has figured out how to crawl out of.
The courts gave zero attention to the fact that that POS had impregnated an underage girl and had repeately predated sexually on underage girls. Starting when he was 21 and continuing until he was 25+ and that was only until my DW booted his ass out.
Interestingly the dipshit in the black Harry Potter robes slinging the toddler's Fisher-Price wooden hammer decided that the age different between my wife and I countered that fact that the SpermIdiot was a serial statutory rapist. DW and M et when I was 29 and she was 18. We married when I was 30 and she was still 18. The SpermIdiot had to marry his 16yo ra pe victim of the moment 2wks before the Custody/Visitation/Support court date to avoid getting arrested as he left court.. We most definately made that raped girl an issue. Odds are, my SS's SpermGrandHag paid off the child's mother to allow her to marry to facilitate the SpermClan's efforts to take custody or SS from my DW.
He divorced her 3mos later.
When I commented to the Judge that my wife was of age when we met and married and the Spermidiot was a criminal Statutory Rapist that stated a back and forth between the robbed dipshit and I that went on all day and for several days after.
The lynchpin for me was "Any child would be blessed to have the love of this wonderful family" in his closing pre-ruling comments. I remined him again that the SPermidiot was a serial statutory rapist criminal. That was the final time he threatened me with contempt. Once the hearing was closed, it was game on and he and I had some tit for tat over me placing a full page in the local paper regarding his decision. He was up for re-election. He was all over our attorney to get me to withdraw the add before it ran. Which I did btw. Not that any of that made any difference other than to keep the robbed idiot the hell away from my family and any further legal actions we had battling the SpermClan. It we had been at this financial stage in our lifes, it would have remained game on and I would have appealed the dipshit's ruling to force a minor child to have visitaiton with a proven statutory rapist, and I would have ran an add every day until I put that POS out of his job.
But... I am not vindictive or anythg.
SItuations like the one you, and your DH are fighting to protect your Skids from their idiot BM and WombGrandHag are infuriating to me. We are blessed that our situation did not include the Spermidiot brining a child mollester into the mix. He did spawn 3 more also out of wedlock children with two more baby mamas. Baby mama #3 was underage as well.
If he had been put in prison where he belongs, 3 kids would have been saved from his shallow and polluted gene pool contribution. Our son (my SS) is his eldest, our only), is a successful viable adult kicking ass in life. #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, #4 is on his way to hang out with his brother (#3) in prison.
I hope that your SKids are safe.
Good luck fighting the good fight.