Is it truly SD’s visitation week if we don’t get into some kind of argument
This week has been a loooong one, we had a get together this weekend that went well but since then things have been downhill... sd4 tested positive for covid on monday night so of course can't go to daycare for the rest of the week but she's with us till thursday evening. Yay. DH stayed home and spent most of the day cuddling her on the couch, okay whatever I tried to make myself scarce by going out to run errands. When I came back of course he needed to go out so he was gone for a couple hours. No biggie. He brings home food and I realize i've barely eaten all day, been dealing with a constipated 7mo and a sick 4 year old and BS8 asking me a million questions all day, I say fuck it and go into my office and tell everybody mommy is done for the day if you need me, dont. Then of course DH hasn't even put the kids to bed when he says he needs to go back out to give someone a ride. Fine whatever but of course sd4 and bs8 come bothering me again, asking for snacks or whatever the hell and it's like 8:30. I sternly tell them to go upstairs and please leave me alone (Im like about to snap cause I haven't had a moment of peace all day). DH finally comes home and puts the kids to bed then comes to me and asks if I will watch sd4 so he can go back to work tomorrow. Don't really want to because sd4 is needy especially when sick and I don't have the patience when the baby is already sucking out my soul through my t*ts every 3-4 hours. But i say ok cause I'm a bitch if I say no.
So today i watched her and it was fine really but sd's temp was really high and wouldn't break, I fed her, I gave her a bath, some tylenol, made sure she was comfortable and put her down for a nap. She stayed up in her room for like an hour but didn't fall asleep at all. I texted DH he told me she probably wanted to be held (I'm a very touch averse person anyway) and i'm just like yea I can't do that right now. The baby was already cranky and would cry if i put her down, I had barely eaten all day, the house was a wreck on top of that I started getting a sore throat and a debilitating headache. sd came out of her room eventually and just would not stop crawling all over me. Then the baby woke up. I said ok DH will be home in like an hour i'll just stick it out til then.
I honestly don't see how people with two kids close in age do it cause I wanted to scream. Everywhere I went SD followed and no matter where I sit she wants to sit in my lap. The baby is feeding on the left boob, she's on my right knee. Every five minutes its "I love you!... I love you!... can i have a hug? You're the best! I love you!" I want to find this behavior cute so bad, I really do. And I have an older son I'm always wondering if he was like this when he was that age? But at some point it just gets to be too much. I wanted to call BM right then and there. I know i'm terrible. but i sucked it up until dh got home and promptly went upstairs and shut the door.
Of course later Im just cranky cause I still don't have time to relax to myself and just BE because I have to work in the evenings and DH asks me what's wrong. I say I'm burnt out from dealing with kids and I feel like he's not doing enough because whenever he's home he's playing video games for way too long. He doesn't say anything. That just makes me more mad so of course we get into this huge dumb argument about who's doing more work and how I feel about SD and how he feels about BS and it's all just so fucking dumb and repetitive. Eventually i just go to bed and he comes to bed and is just not letting it go because he says I still have an attitude. I don't even want to tell him that Im irritated because when he needs childcare i'm damned if I do damned if I don't so I just shut up. We just agree to stop talking about it but here I am still in my feelings of course, unable to sleep and still feeling sick on top of it.
A while back when BM couldn't keep her mouth shut about me she told some "friends" that Im not cut out to take care of her daughter and maybe she's right. I'm not made for it and most of the time I really don't fucking want to.
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What is wrong with your DH? His daughter has covid -
What is wrong with your DH? His daughter has covid - so first he spends all day with her and then goes out in public and then the next day he goes to work? He should be home with his daugher when she is sick, especially when she has covid and is running a fever. Tell your DH he needs to stay home and take care of his sick kid.
Your sore throat and headache are classic covid symptoms, you should test yourself in the next couple of days. It is clear you are at the end of your rope. Your DH needs to step up. Do you have any family nearby that would be able to provide you some support?
Textbook symptoms. Baby may
Textbook symptoms. Baby may be cranky because they have covid too. This is how it spreads... the family needed to isolate sd4... she should not go home Thursday to infect another household. At this point the whole house should be testing and isolated
Yup it’s COVID
I had COVID 2 weeks ago. The first day I had a sore throat. Then that night I had a terrible headache, but I tested negative. The second day I felt terrible, but I still tested negative. The third day, I guess the virus built up enough in my body, because that's when I tested positive.
OP, why wasn't SD sent back to BM when she tested positive? I'm just worried your 7 month old my end up with Covid. This new variant spreads easily. I don't even know how I contracted it.
honestly.. unless they had
honestly.. unless they had picked up SD on MONDAY.. and the likelyhood was that she came with it.. I don't think going back to mom's was necessarily the solution. What should have happened is her DH should have gone through great efforts to isolate with his daughter. and possibly OP should have considered taking her baby and son elsewhere to stay for a week.. or 5 days..
Since they all stayed mixing it up in the home.. it's going to be a miracle if they all don't have it by now. and the min quarantine is 5 days.. then the SD would still be advised to wear a mask at mom's.. so it would be friday for that count.. and possibly later if BM refused to take her back until she tested negative.. which isn't really unfair of her to want.. no sensse TWO households becoming at risk and infected. unfortunately.. OP's home is already exposed.. so the child should not go back to mom until it clears.
This is different from the general "covid worry shouldn't impact visitation.." vs actual infection.
What in the actual....
I came to basically say what everyone else is saying- SD has Covid, and DH is snuggling her on the couch??? Then running around living his life?? Come on! And to top it off, expecting YOU to care for her like normal and even suggesting you snuggle her, while then caring for a baby and BS8? Is he off his rocker?? Yes, let's infect the whole house (and everyone outside the house while we're at it), because THREE sick kids is going to be much better than 1, all because "SD wants to be snuggled". FFS. That shouldn't even an option in this scenario. DH put SD's wants about everyone else's safety, which is absolutely crazy.
As for the rest of it...it all goes back to the expectation of SM's watching skids whether it's really necessary or not. DH should have said "Sorry, my daughter has Covid and I need to stay home and not expose others", rather than running to give rides. I'm sure that person would have much rather heard that answer than DH exposing them as well. Instead, he chose to leave you alone with all of the kids, including his sick daughter.
I'm sorry, I just can't with your DH right now.
Sounds like you need a break
It sounds like you are really exhausted and need a break. Its totally normal for parents to feel that way. Don't be afraid to say no to DH. Let him take care of his daughter or send her back to BM - since BM seems to think she can do everything better than you, anyway. Let BM and DH deal with their own messes. Ask for help from your family and friends to babysit for a few hours and just get away, take a nap, or whatever you need to do. Take care of yourself.
Oh, and aren't you so tired of hearing everyone's opinion about how you should quarantine for Covid? I am. Why does everyone assume that others don't know how to quarantine? I am all for vaccines and being safe, but this constant commentary on other people's business, although meant to be helpful, is NOT. It adds to the stress of just coping with it all. So, be kind to yourself and don't take any crap from DH or BM. You will be ok.
Well.. either her and her DH
Well.. either her and her DH don't know how to quarantine for Covid.. or were willfully ignoring the common guidance.
Believe me.. most of us are pretty damn sick of having to worry about Covid. and it's people that act without thinking that are the main cause of it spreading. It's not the "unvaxxed".. it's not just the "vaxxed" either.. it's people ignoring symptoms.. or ignoring the guidance and going out and living their lives anyway.. inspite of the fact that they are likely spreading it to unsuspecting others.
Do you think the guy that her DH gave a ride to would have been thrilled to hear that he had spent the day snuggling a 4 yo with COVID? That he was likely exposed as a result?
Do you think the restaurant that he went to pick up food at would be overjoyed to learn that he was most likely carrying the virus around and possibly infecting their workers.. risking a shutdown and loss of business?
Do you think others in contact with him on the way to visit their elderly relative wanted to carry that with them?
So.. yeah.. having covid in your home.. will ADD to stress.. telling her that her family was not handling it properly? well.. maybe she will know better next time and they won't behave in a risk prone manner? maybe she will be able to get her and the baby out of there before they get sick.. as they appear to be now? Covid isn't going away... but maybe she can learn from these mistakes.
And.. we are all human.. we all make mistakes.. but if we learn from them.. and move forward and are resolved to do better.. that's all that we can expect at this time.
but.. I don't think ignoring the fact that they didn't quarantine well.. because they didn't know possibly (the other option is they are aholes who didn't care about spreading it). .. they can take it as intended...
They did not quarantine for covid at all.
They did not quarantine for covid at all - that is the point everyone was trying to make. With two adults in the house they could possibly have confined it to SD and DH - but instead chose to expose everyone in the household and people in public. And SD should not go back to BM's on Thursday and risk that household as well.
yea I didnt want to argue
yea I didnt want to argue about "the guidelines " and what we should be doing cause honestly I had covid months back while still nursing my baby and she was totally fine. I was in close contact with a bunch of other people before I found out I had it and they were all fine too. at this point there's so many different variants of differing levels of contagiousness that its hard to keep up with what you should be doing as far as quarantine and I can't totally stop my life everytime anyone has a sore throat... now will I bring SD around someone who is high risk? of course not. will I wear a mask in a public place when I'm having symptoms? yes. will I take my kids out of the house for a full week because their sibling tested positive? lol yea right, thats not even feasible..
Well.. it's not so much
Well.. it's not so much "arguing" about it.. because what you did is just not anywhere close to what the guidelines would say... for any kind of communicable illness/cold/flu.
Because.. it's not that "you" or "your friends" didn't have a bad experience = "it's not serious or worthy of precautions". There still are people gettiing very ill.. DYING from this. So, the person one or two infectious links down the line from your SD could be someone who is battling cancer and immune compromised.. or someone's grandbaby.. or elderly parent. and THEY may not have such a great experience. Or.. it may be that you infect a small business.. that has to shut down when it's entire staff is infected.. and follows the 5 day guidelines... losing thousands of lost dollars of income for the owners and everyone who works there.
Sure.. it might not have been feasible for you to leave.. fine.. then figure out a way to "quarantine" SD in place.. have everyone wear masks... THAT not feasible? Well.. then if you don't mind going through days of testing everyone to make sure no one else gets it.. and everyone stay at the house away from others during that time? then THAT is the next option. It means your DH doesn't go to work.. or maybe it means HE leaves to stay elsewhere so he can still go to wotk while you take care of all the kids at home since you can "afford" to be sick and can't figure out the next best option.
Again.. if you won't be personally impacted.. then you don't care is what I hear you saying. THAT is literally one of the biggest reasons that we were not able to stem the progression of this disease. People who knew they had it.. knew they were exposed and went about their business anyway. Other societies and cultures are more inclined to make personal sacrifice for the greater good.. in the US.. we have many more people who believe their personal preferences and desires trump those of their neighbor's. So.. as long as enough people ignored the risk to others? there was no way we were ever going to get a handle on it.
Sorry if this is coming off as a lecture.. but it was clear that either OP didn't know.. or didn't care.. and it looks like the latter.. so I'm going to probably naturally assume that there are other factors making their lives difficult.. when people have little ability to be selfless and have empathy.. then they generally will have more issues.. her DH is like that apparently too.