Good Day All

Just looking to do a sanity check.

I know I am not the easiest guy to live with but I feel like I am being shaped into something I am not to keep everyone else happy. When we first got together my partner was loving and had concern for me and my "emotions". See I have Aspergers so I don't quite process things like everyone else, I am not void of emotion I simply don't read it well in others and usually can't determine what mine may be.

So back to the Sanity Check, I get this feeling like I am in the wrong when "we" have issues but I feel like I am carrying way more than my share. So I work from home which means when the kids (3 hers 1 mine) get home from school, I am the go-to parent. I have managed to get a system working where they are semi self sufficient but I do get interrupted.
Then because I work from home the washing is usually done by me, the kids have chores to help out with this as well but daily I will run a load or two through the washer and then dryer. Also, I will finish my workday and since I have no commute I will get kids ready for sports and start dinner. My partner will get home and occasionally help with the dinner or may sit down to catch up on work or read with the youngest (hers).

Then we run around dropping kids at sports etc (all hers because mine has a car), by the time we get home if 8:30 / 9:00 PM, she may do some more work or sports-related activities as she volunteers us to help out.

I feel that the actions above are proof of my dedication to this family, but it never seems enough. I will then get text messages about our relationship and how we never have time for each other etc. I find this infuriating because I have very little free time, I have no hobbies, I have no friends, my time is booked on activities for step kids and now I am failing in the "us" department.

I am tired, exhausted at the end of the day and I feel like if anyone is making an effort for "us" it is me. My partner is one of those people who respond with "whatever" and "I don't minds" or "you pick". So when talking about a date night it is really me doing all the planning.

I would go so far as to say she gets a massage (from me, not a therapist) at least 85% of the time, head, back, feet. This is not reciprocated, and if I mention it I will either get something that lasts 3 minutes until her attention is grabbed by something else or she will say she always does it, which is just not true.

Recently I applied for a new job, I have been speaking with her for months if not years about my unhappiness in my current role but it pays the bills and so I feel obligated to stay. I spent hours working on my CV, based on the requirements I should have easily been in the top few on the list. Sadly I had really got my hopes up and I didn't even make the round 1 interviews.

This made me feel pretty crappy and really sucked the wind out of my sails. When I messaged her about it all I got was two emojis, and the next communication was about her day etc.

I don't get it I feel like I am doing the right things here but somehow if she feels neglected then it's my fault, but always in a roundabout way. I feel am exhausted because I am constantly on the lookout for what I may be doing or seen to be doing that is "wrong". I feel that there is no time for us because when we get home I want to unwind and go to sleep I don't want to spend time talking etc.
I don't feel I have any more to give, I am stretched to my limits yet I am the only one that can see it, and there lies the problem. Am I simply soft and need to toughen up, am I expecting too much, should I stop being Mr Reliable?

thanks for listening