Unannounced visit
Just wanted to rant about this weekend and the unannounced visit. Dh and I are sitting outside and we see someone walking down the road towards our home. We go inside bc neither of us felt like entertaining company. Of course it was ss11 coming for his unannounced visit. The last time he did this he was dropped off at our door at midnight. Two days before I was to go in for my scheduled c section. We both spoke with him together and told him this has to stop. From now on you are to contact your father and make sure that it's ok to stay. Since then he has been jealous of the baby and rarely came by. This was the first time he randomly appeared since we talked to him. Since he hadn't been here in a month my husband never said anything to him. I on the other hand see it as him trying to excersize control again and that'll he'll be doing it again and again. We've talked to him numerous times before about this and he follows the rules for a while then quits. Unfortunately he lives very close and it makes it easy for him to just show up. His mom is spaced out on drugs so there's no talking to her about scheduling visits. My husband is a total coward most of the time and is terrified to hand out any discipline. Oh
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So, if she's drugged out, can
So, if she's drugged out, can he not apply for emergency custody? I mean a TOTAL bummer on you, but as his dad he's responsible for his child's well-being. That is a horrible environment for the kid.
She doesn't even keep him. He
She doesn't even keep him. He lives with her parents and she lives in a one room building beside them. It's gonna come to the point we have to do something. I've contacted social services and nothing was ever done.
She doesn't even keep him. He
She doesn't even keep him. He lives with her parents and she lives in a one room building beside them. It's gonna come to the point we have to do something. I've contacted social services and nothing was ever done.
Without knowing the whole story....
Without knowing the whole story, I'd be concerned about a 11yo boy whose mom is a druggie and who has so little oversight at home that he can wander away like this. Another concern would be the mom who dropped him off at midnight. Perhaps he's looking for a safe place at times?
I know this must be super annoying to you, these visits have been poorly timed and you have a young baby. If I were you and your DH, I'd try to find out from him if there are concerns in his home. I see you posted earlier about the lack of hygiene. Im getting the impression of trouble and dysfunction in his home.
I know you don't want to hear
I know you don't want to hear this but here goes...he is 11 years old and lives with a drug addict (from what you are saying here) - you state that he has poor hygiene, has tattered clothing, smells bad and has been dropped off as late as midnight.
It is your DH's responsibility to find out what is going on in his son's life and he is supposed to take custody of his boy if he is living in subpar and neglectful conditions. This sounds like a very sad situation for this boy and I am shocked that DH hasn't stepped in. Of course he is jealous of a new baby, that baby is going to get all the love and attention that CLEARLY no one is giving him.
Your DH has no legal rights
Your DH has no legal rights to his son, so turning him away right now is a good idea.
HOWEVER, your DH should ALSO be calling CPS so his biological son gets the services he needs to thrive.
Neither your DH or BM need to be in this boy's life since your DH doesn't seem to be doing anything actually useful.
Tell your DH he needs to call
Tell your DH he needs to call CPS. It's not your DH job to decipher what is going on at BMs house. They can do a well check and also talk to SS.
I have contacted social
I have contacted social services and nothing was ever done. I know my husband should be the one to do something but it seems he lays it all on me to do. I feel it's his responsibility though.
I have contacted social
I have contacted social services and nothing was ever done. I know my husband should be the one to do something but it seems he lays it all on me to do. I feel it's his responsibility though.
Sad situation for the boy
His child is his responsibility period. I thought this would be about an adult unannounced visitor - not a neglected child. This is disturbing.
Please don't hide, he needs your help.
Of course it's tough: you need some rest and a reliable visit schedule. (Especially with that c-section!) But this situation sounds deeply concerning. If the biomum is an addict, your husband's 11-year-old could be in a really vulnerable situation whenever he's with her. I imagine he's feeling sad, scared and unsure - especially when he needs help + a welcoming home and instead you guys reprimand him for an unannounced visit. Please contact the authorities so they can make sure that he's not being neglected and/or abused.
Please don't hide, he needs your help.
Of course it's tough: you need some rest and a reliable visit schedule. (Especially with that c-section!) But this situation sounds deeply concerning. If the biomum is an addict, your husband's 11-year-old could be in a really vulnerable situation whenever he's with her. I imagine he's feeling sad, scared and unsure - especially when he needs help + a welcoming home and instead you guys reprimand him for an unannounced visit. Please contact the authorities so they can make sure that he's not being neglected and/or abused.