Vacation from Hell
Well it started out with the anticipation of my two older boys coming out for a visit. I had to make half the basement into a bedroom for one of my sons (it was a computer area and tv/gaming area) with some shelves and I left the gaming/tv area as is. My SO son, E, completely lost it. It's "his space" and "NO, no one is sleeping down here" and "why can't they share the spare bedroom", "this is so dumb" etc....I calmly explained that since they are teens they all deserve there own bedroom area and if the tables were turned, we would absolutely do that for him. He says "well it was your choice to have so many kids, you figure it out and stay out of my space". I walked away as my SO needed to deal with him.
Next we leave for vacation: I pick up my kiddos (who are the same age mine14,14, his-4 and 15) and off we go for a camping trip. We arrive and they all are great to start off with. They are biking, eating together, laughing etc.
Well- it pretty much stopped there after the first dinner.
My SO son bitched ("E") about having to share a tent with other kids. He wanted privacy with only his brother and it with my two kids. His brother is completely fine with my kids sleeping in the tent. Soon he starts screaming at the campsite how he brought the tent ⛺️ For only him and his brother and the other two can sleep in the trailer. Of course my two boys are dumbstruck by his behaviour. I offer "E" if he wants to sleep in the trailer instead. He says "no, I brought the tent for me and my brother and no one else" and then i ask his dad to deal with him.
This results in "E" screaming some more. He's 14 and throwing a temper tantrum. My boys said "we don't care at this point- we will sleep in the trailer" but they are clearly feeling alienated and upset. I go for a walk and try to tell them that it's not their fault- "e" is tired and it's not right how he's acting and let's just sleep in the trailer away from the drama.
next day- there's a spider in the camper. It's massive and i go to kill it and my son stops me and says- mom- let's just put it outside- it's a living creature and it kills other bugs. I let him handle it and he takes it outside where "E" marches over and crunches the spider. My son says "dude- that was a Dick move". I say "E- you will struggle to make friends if you do things like this". he gets enraged at me and says " well, maybe you could stay with a guy for longer if you weren't like you were".....I look at my SO who gets mad at me "that was a trigger for him- you shouldn't have said he has no friends"
ok, maybe I shouldn't have brought up friends but WTF!!!! sure it was just a spider but my son was just trying to relocate it and he comes along and just kills it. And nothing happens. Nothing. It's like I'm the awful one for mentioning how wrong that was of "e" to do that.
I was seriously contemplating leaving with my kids and saying fuck it. I had not seen my kids in months because of Covid and they are greeted with this bullshit. "E" gets his phone taken away and yet continues to act with such disrespect any hatred. my SO is saying he will deal with it (which he never does but remove electronics ). I've returned from vacation feeling like I've only fought with my SO.
seriously contemplating this whole situation.
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Comments
That sounds hellish.
That sounds hellish.
Your SS sounds awful. I probably would have taken my kids and left.
Hugs to you.
If this were my situation -
If this were my situation - the thing I would find most troubling is SS14 not being willing to negotiate calmly over things like sleeping arrangements, but throwing a toddler tantrum instead. Assuming you are not using the word "screaming" figuratively, what is his father doing when this boy is throwing his toys out of the pram so loudly? Does he consider this appropriate behaviour?
Yeah, the other thing I meant
Yeah, the other thing I meant to add was that your partner is lousy. He lets his son abuse you and call you a fkn bitch??
That is truly terrible parenting!
I would die of shame if either of my boys spoke to anyone like that! They wouldn't though.... they have been raised to be kind and respectful.
He's got a point "maybe you
He's got a point "maybe you could stay with a guy longer if you weren't like you were". Did he mean like you were acting as if you deserved basic courtesy and respect? If you throw that out the window and agree to act like a doormat you'll probably keep a guy indefinitely but the burning question is why would you WANT to?! At some point there's gotta be a line where the cons of being undermined and disrespected outweighs the pros of staying with the guy. Eventually E will end up with no friends and his dad will end up with a string of failed relationships. They're acting like they're a hot package when they should have a neon warning sign above their heads.
I think it's time you had a
I think it's time you had a long talk with your DuH. Go somewhere public so that tempers can be kept under control. Does he really think it's OK for your kids to be treated like second class citizens? Doesn't he understand that this is their home too? Doesn't he see his son's over the top tantrums and entitled "chosen one" behaviour?
It's time to clear the air. IT's also time to tell him that it is NOT OK to reprimand YOU, his WIFE, in front of the kids, FFS! You are not a child and will not be treated like one. (FTR, you didn't say the brat didn't have an friends, you told him he'd have a hard time amaking friends with his behavior - not th same thing at all. BTW, doesn't it worry yoiur DuH that he doesn't have any friends?). IT is also not OK for his son to insult you and get away with it.
IT's time serious measures were taken to put your SS back in his place and if your DuH doesn't start now, SS is going to be one helluva lonely, unemployable adult in a few years ...
As rags here would say, any man who purports
To love and care for his wife/partner would never allow this disrespect to happen ever!!
your partner is the problem here because he encourages and allows his son to behave this way which further reinforces that your partner has no respect for you. You need to be furious with your partner.
As rags here would say, any man who purports
To love and care for his wife/partner would never allow this disrespect to happen ever!!
your partner is the problem here because he encourages and allows his son to behave this way which further reinforces that your partner has no respect for you. You need to be furious with your partner.
As rags here would say, any man who purports
To love and care for his wife/partner would never allow this disrespect to happen ever!!
your partner is the problem here because he encourages and allows his son to behave this way which further reinforces that your partner has no respect for you. You need to be furious with your partner.
Well, it sounds like your SS
Well, it sounds like your SS is as disrespectful and obnoxious, and your SO is as crappy of a parent and partner, on vacation as at home. I would be horrified if my sons saw my partner and his son treating me like that. What kind of example does that set for them? They must have felt so awkward and uncomfortable for their visit with the way both they and you were treated. What about your SO makes you want to stay with him and his kids?
If I were you I would never
If I were you I would never waste another minute of time with your DSs by including SS. I would take this as a learning experience that SS is selfish and self-centered and your SO is a weak parent who isn't going to do anything about it.
If I were you I would just make my own plans and tell SO about them after the fact. If he has a problem with it, no one is stopping him from spending time alone with SS. Let SO have to deal with SS all on his own without you for him to take his aggravation out on.
Yup this is why i tel hubby time and time again
That i will not torture myself with ss or sd's presence at events or outings yet alone holidays. None of us want to be tortured with noise pollution of sd's ranting on bullshit about bio mum and stepdad like their friggin parents of the yr on our holiday.
If hubby wants us to go i ask who is coming. Any of his 3 kids coming its a hell no. I remind him that the past 6.5 yrs of marriage that i have known them, not once are they respectful or inclusive
they enjoy being disrespectful and the emotional abuse they torment us with. I will not waste my time with them. When hubby claims they apologised, i remind him not to us. They barely gave a 10% apology to hubby claiming they're sorry if they upset or hurt us and are no contact.
therefore they are not our family or people we should force ourselves to associate with. Hubby also will not invite them on getaways or holidays. He's already told his son (ss23) almost 2 yrs ago that in future (obviously pre covid) that he intended to celebrate new yrs with us and he couldn't bring ss along because none of us want anything to do with him. He burned that relationship multiple times and forgot he barely has a relationship with his own sisters from bio mum because of the pas she did on them, his own mum disowned him in the divorce.
the fact is all hubby said to him is that you had a loving caring stepmum and 2 little half siblings who just wanted a harmonious relationship with you but you burned any chance of that so you can enjoy your holidays in loneliness and reflect.
ss at college wanted to come home and hubby said no because of the disrespect and rudeness hubby made excuses why he couldn't come home because he didn't want all the bullshit excuses from ss that he doesn't do these things on purpose but he knows he does it continually meaning it is intentional and then claims he's suffering imaginary stress syndrome and hubby's head is spinning like why can't his kid be friggin normal. Well when he came out of batshit crazy's uterus, its hard to prevent him inheriting her level of dysfunction
Leave or have SO and SS leave
Your kids are going to think twice about coming to visit next time - and who can blame them? Do your SO and his son often treat you this way? It's pretty bad for your sons to see you treated like this - you need to put maintaining your relationship with them before your jerk SO and his crazy son. Your SO cannot control his son- and he is too weak to protect you. So sorry your visit with your boys was ruined.
I don't ever vacation with
I don't ever vacation with skid after one horrible time. No thanks!
seriously contemplating this
seriously contemplating this whole situation
I really hope you are.
Dick Wad
Your SS is a MAJOR dick wad and ya know what the apple dont fall far from the tree. Your SO is too!
I agree with above your kids will not want to visit you with the shitty SS and your SO there. They were probably stunned watching the prick have tantrums then seeing your SO treat you like Joe dirt.
Fall? Some poisoned apples
Fall? Some poisoned apples are still stuck to the damned tree!
That sounds like my SS21 now.
That sounds like my SS21 now. He was like that with everyone....get along and be Ok and then BAM, he was a raging asshole. He had ODD, oppisitional defiant disorder and other DX's. The real problem is that Mommy and Daddy gave in to him to stop the screaming in public and embarrassment he caused and never got him real treatment, just pop a pill and then wonder when it didn't help.
It doesn't get better unless there is good therapy for him. SS still can't function in society and is constantly in trouble for getting violent with BM, Gpa, a girlfriend with law enforcement. He isn't allowed to live in my house so at I don't see the physical sde of his rages anymore. Can't or won't hold a job, couch surfs, and is a lazy asshole.