Failed family picture
Recently SD and BM found and went through some pictures of SD as a baby. DH and BM were divorced before SD was 1 but shortly after SD was born they had family pictures done and apparently those pictures were with SD's baby pictures that they found. Well now SD is carrying one of those pictures, with the 3 of them, in the back of her phone case. Am I wrong for feeling this is strange, inappropriate, unhealthy?
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She obviously never had a
She obviously never had a life with her parents together. It might bring her some security to know that at one time her parents wanted to be together and she was wanted
Why do you thing it's strange
Why do you think it's strange, inappropriate, and unhealthy? Those are her parents and they were together for that time period, they were a family. It's a picture. A picture that depicts what was at that time.
I see nothing wrong with this
I see nothing wrong with this. If she wanted to frame the picture and display it in your living room, that would be inappropriate. Carrying a picture of herself with her parents in her phone case seems pretty normal, even if those parents are long divorced.
I caught my husband cheating when I was
Pregnant with our third daughter so we were never together since her birth. I would be weirded out if she was carrying around a picture or say she and my ex and one of her older sisters. She doesn't do this.
i know she feels loved by both her parents
Ss has these types of pics
Ss has these types of pics too. I don't really like seeing them but that's entirely a "me thing." So I just ignore them. They have sentimental value to him and I would never saying anything about it to him. No matter how good or bad a parent is a child will naturally love them and wish the people they loved happened to love each other. Ss knows it's a fantasy but he still likes the pics. It makes him feel like he's got something other kids have too. I can't begrudge him that.
I just didn't know because I
I just didn't know because I understand they were together but she's never known them together and it almost to me feels like a "what if" and a dwelling on the past that will never be the future which seemed kind of unhealthy to me but maybe I just don't understand.
Your right it is a what if
Your right it is a what if thing. But sometimes that's ok. When she gets older she might not want them as much. It's likely just a sentimental phase. Kids tend to day dream about if their life had been different but most of the time it's harmless. Right up there with "what if my dad was a rockstar"
It's nice you care about making sure she's being healthy emotionally and that you asked for input.
I hope all the replies didn't sound harsh to you
wishing you the best
My kids both have picture of
My kids both have picture of when their dad and I were married. My daughter has our wedding album. We divorced when they were 2/4. They know we aren't getting back together, but they like knowing at one time we were happy and they came from a place of love and hope for our family.
I think it's normal, they are
I think it's normal, they are her parents and it's the only picture she has of a time when they were all together. I don't see it as any more unhealthy than putting up pictures of someone who has died.
May I ask why it bothers you?
I think it bothers me because
I think it bothers me because she is way too codependent and enmeshed with BM and I feel like that is a big part of why she is carrying it around.
I get her wanting the pic and
I get her wanting the pic and wanting to look at it. But...the phone case...hmmm. If she takes the phone with her everywhere and sets it down where you can see it frequently, i can see how that would be hurtful to you and would just piss you off every time you have to look at it. My daughter has a pic of her and her girlfriend in her phone case and i see it at least 10 times a day because she has the phone constantly. Every time she holds the phone up to text or look at social media - there it is. Every time she sets it down, there it is. I don't mind looking at that pic, but if i had to look at a pic of SO, BM, and their kid(s) as a young happy family it would make me not want to be around whoever was carrying the pic everywhere.
Reading stories like this is
Reading stories like this is always interesting to me. My parents divorced when I was 7ish. A lot of what I read here of younger skids never crossed my mind when I was little.
I think she is too old to be
I think she is too old to be carrying it around. I know my SD would have never done that mainly becuase I think both her mom and my DH would tell her it isn't appropriate. Having pics for her to have to look back at is one thing. Carrying it around or having it on display in her room is another.
It wouldn't bother me, I'd
It wouldn't bother me, I'd find it pretty sweet actually. The kids have 2 parents and they really enjoy the rare times they spend as an original family unit so I wouldn't be surprised if they treasured photos of just the 4 of them. They treasure photos of all the important people in their lives.
Of course I don't want her face hanging in the common areas of our house, but if the kids wanted her picture in their room or anywhere else personal I wouldn't mind in the slightest and would probably help them print it out.
They have asked about their mum and dad's relationship before, but they're very aware that it's well and truly over. Maybe it helps that everyone has moved on? I don't know. I'm sure they wonder what it would have been like it their parents were still together, but they've said before that they're happy with how things are and woudn't want it to change.
On the back of the phone
On the back of the phone where she knows everyone will see it? A bit "in your face" but I don't know anything about your sd. A photo album would be more appropriate and fine.
Yeah, a lot of people
Yeah, a lot of people underestimate the ubiquitousness of a teen/tween's phone. Having the pic on the back of their phone case is having it on display everywhere that teen or tween goes. You will see that pic every time you see the SD. I understand wanting the pics and the importance of being able to keep them in their room or in their wallet or purse. Even having it up on the wall of her room would be less "in your face" than having it on the phone case.
My parents divorced when I
My parents divorced when I was young. I wouldn't be caught dead with a photo of them together. I would be disgusted if Adultskis did this but I disengaged a long time ago for sanity reasons.